Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

Cornflakes for breakfast? I may have to have a lie down

@Dogscanteatonions

The Mumsnet chicken!! Drives me bonkers all these people supposedly getting 4/5 meals from one bastard chicken. I'm Lucky to get a bit of soup from the leftovers!!

I actually know someone who makes a roast chicken stretch like that. (Not stretch as in do exercises you understand.)

I can tell you that what isn't mentioned is that the first meal is sparce of chicken and the following meals get increasingly unappetizing. The soup made from the carcass has less meat in it than watery diarrhoea (and about as appealing - or maybe less as it's greasy).

• Oh and the stealth boasts about vanity sizing.

I'm a size 8 and the size 6 in M&S is far too big for me. Cue rant about the evil shops conning us all with vanity sizing

Not a care in the world about sizing, just want to stealth boast let us all know how slim they are.

Fuck off the lot o ye grin*

They also want the rest of us to know how fat we all are. Size 10? Obese!! That’s size 22 in old money!

Bold fail!!

@BonnieDundee or the opposite where loads of posters weigh 14 stone but are fitter than their 9 stone friends.

I'm on a thread at the moment where someone says they weigh 15 1/2 stone and have just had to send back the size 16 clothes they ordered because they are too big. Yeah, right.

Spitting tea over the keyboard in response to a mildly amusing post.

Getting het up about room allocations and perceived fairness when going on holiday with friends/family. Been on loads of holidays with friends and family - laughed off any minor disagreements because they are our friends/ family (before you ask - we were the 'injured party'.... it just isn't that big a deal)

Actually, apart from the size 8 thing and loo brushes, I find MN quite representative.

People eating elaborate breakfasts on a weekday. Everyone I know has toast or cereal....

@pistachionuts

Also very middle-class privileged people insisting they are working-class with a ‘humble’ background because of the jobs their grandparents or great-grandparents did

My ancestors crafted tools out of stone. Beat that.

I use both muahahahahah. Vinegar AND fabric softener on both, my towel and my bedding. Always did.

"Omg jar sauces are so wrong". I know professional chefs who use some jar sauces! (And not just at home fyi). Never have I seen such contempt for jar sauces.

Other Mumsnet specific opinions/situations:
-Sending your children to private school but still being a very ordinary family.
-It being very rude for your cleaner to have to do any cleaning or moving the odd toy.
-That you don't have a say in anything that happens to your child if you aren't paying.
-That SAHMs are destined for a life of poverty and misery. Most mums I know have had time out and gone back to work. It isn't like an either or thing.

(Husbands with) hobbies that are too “outing” to name!

DH does a hobby, but cant say what it is as it outing, but think cycling

In the MN world all children are either high achievers or have SEN. I can only assume all the high achievers are due to the fact that they don't eat any sugar until they are 21, have a regime of hobbies and tutors from birth and only ever use screens to access educational documentaries/maths games.

In MN land it is also, according to advice on threads, quite simple for a single mother with a low paid job to do a few night classes to retrain and get a job that pays enough to employ a nanny and a cleaner on top of her own living expenses etc.

@VeganVeal

DH does a hobby, but cant say what it is as it outing, but think cycling

On a bike made from scratch from human bones he sourced at the local cemetery.

Now THAT would be outing. It also covers my ankther point of "sourcing" everything

Being INCREDIBLY nasty to women who have children to more than one person and then shock horror are lone parents, whilst in the same breath encouraging mothers to LTB for anything. The amount of people on MN who think that social care intervention is needed if they go on to want to have sex again and shame these women is so aggravating. I have been both a lone parent (twice) AND a social worker and I have never intervened solely because a parents was a lone parent or had a sex life.

The eco warrior who only has things powered by solar and made from fresh air. They walk 20 miles to and from the market, never use amazon. Their post materialises from the atmosphere and their farts smell like roses.
For which read, they use electricity powered by bio mass stations, gas from the North Sea and drive a petrol hybrid to the supermarket and occasionally uses a farmers market. Post is delivered by Royal Mail in their diesel vans. They wear designer garments believing them to be superior as they paid more....etc etc. In other words like the rest of us, they try, but they have a life to live and don’t want to live in a cave eating earthworms, freezing to death.
Rant over.

I agree with 99 per cent of the things mentioned here but the sensitivity to scents is a real thing for some of us. You could ask anyone who knows me IRL and they would say I really do suffer.
I have to hold my breath and March quickly past the Lush shop on our high street and I couldn’t use the coffee shop next door, I order cards online since most card shops now sell Yankee candles. I have had to get off a bus due to a scented smell and then been sick in the street, on 2 different occasions I have had to move from expensive front seats at a concert to a seat further back because of someone’s perfume. I never use glade things or candles or melts or whatever in my home, if someone (who doesn’t know me well) gifts me one I donate it to a charity shop unopened. I never wear perfume can only wear certain products on my skin, can only use 1 particular scented cleaning spray and 1 brand of washing capsules. I have once had to leave work after someone used a particular cleaning product on their desk i did try going outside for fresh air but after dry retching in the car park for 10 mins I had to give up and go home. Unfortunately according to my GP, I asked when I was there for something else, the sensitivity gets worse over time and nothing can be done apart from avoiding triggers. My DH now can only use products that don’t trigger me, my adult kids don’t use certain products if they are coming to visit us( pre COVID) it’s not just a MN thing.

Yeah but how many people are genuinely that sensitive to smells? Not as many as here I bet.
I hope there are some coping strategies for this @Namechangedforabet? Or is it genuinely only just to avoid them?

Oh, Lord, yes - the refusal - even pre Covid - to let even GPs visit to meet the new baby for a month - because you need time for your ‘little family’ to ‘bond’.

Such preciousness!

All my Gdcs were being passed around for cuddles just hours after they popped out. Thank heaven for a non-precious dd - and she was equally relaxed with her ILs.

The lack of self-awareness when it comes to adult children. So many posts along the lines of:

"26 year old DS recently lost his job and broke up with his girlfriend and had to move back in with us. I was excited about having him back at home but he spends all his time sitting in his room. He doesn't even seem that grateful when I make him my chicken carcass broth with homemade bread. I tried to get him to watch Bake Off with me last night and he just sat on the sofa looking his phone. It's as if he doesn't even want to be here!"

Er...

Everyone who says they earn more than 100k must be lying. Riiight...

The number of narcissists mn users know is amazing, everyone seems to have one in their family. I don't know any.

Cleaners clean, they don't tidy. Every cleaner I've had for the past 20 years has tidied, otherwise I'd have no use for them.

Women with school age children can't work because there are so few jobs that work around school hours. I know plenty of part timers, but no one who thinks they can only work 9-3 or not at all.

Ok, but is this thread the place to come and talk about your sensitivity to scents? It was a lighthearted threat don’t suck the fun out of it. You’re in the minority in life, that’s the point .

Thread* no threats here!