Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

Buying a McDonald or takeaway is an alien concept. Maybe if you are 8m pregnant and craving a “dirty meal” then might get away with it. It’s bread potatoes and meat not kryptonite.

The general idea that weddings are boring. I have only ever heard it in MN.

Oh the Russell Group university thing

It’s an MN obsession

I once joined a conversation at a party with posh locals, about universities and asked if a particular uni was a Russell Grant University.... how they laughed (as did I when I found out who he is)

In my defence, I am foreign and some things are really hard to figure out here

@Fuckingcrustybread

In fairness, not all MN posters would think that either grin True, one nutter did though, it was she of the shaking and sobbing when someone came within 12 metres of her.

If she was expecting a coffee + cheese breath, I can understand that

@Ebony999

The general idea that weddings are boring. I have only ever heard it in MN.

so true! or that they are a dreadful chore.

People are happy to be invited in the real world!

Owning a 12 year old car that they bought for £500 10 years ago and they "reckon" it has another 15 years in it.

Only highly irresponsible people buy cars on credit and they only do so because they are very insecure and want to keep up with the Joneses.

Not being allowed to expect a card / present even from DP / DC. Birthday's are firmly for children and the sled absorbed.

In RL people celebrate it even if it's a card and a box of chocolates.

People who are so obsessed with their dogs they would literally rather risk a child's life than rehome it. MIND BLOWN.

They no one likes your children, not even your parents or best friends. People might vaguely tolerate discussion about your pregnancy or kids but really they resent every second of their wasted life having to listen to you

OH and competitive under eating. According to many Mumsnetters a chicken will do a family of five for three days plus a soup and two dinners for the dog.

@EmmaGrundyForPM, I was 15 1/2 stone last summer and was in a size 14 in Dorothy Perkins. What sizing you are in depends on the shop, the style and the fabric.

@Ebony999

The general idea that weddings are boring. I have only ever heard it in MN.

Yes! Weddings are fun!! I don't get that at all!

You can put your MIL into a care home if you don’t want look after her but never in a million years can you rehome a pet.

I had no idea I'd been to an RG university until years after I graduated. Must be thick, LOL!

Have we had the cafe thing yet? The belief that, if a group of you go into a cafe (outside of Covid, obvs), you're not allowed to have one of you queue while everyone else grabs a table. According to MN, that is unfair on people ahead of you, and you should all stand the queue until you have been served.

I have never, ever, seen anyone do this in real life.

On MN everyone is a "curvy" size 16 and would look dangerously emaciated at anything smaller than a 12. Anyone who's a size 10 or smaller is a wizened scrawny wrinkled hag, but also simultaneously "bragging."

In the real world women are a huge range of sizes and weights depending on their height, build, fitness level, metabolism, and a million other factors. If you can fit into a clothing size available in mainstream shops (i.e. 6-18) you are unlikely to be either "teeny tiny" or terrifyingly obese.

On MN it's perfectly fine to viciously attack slim women, but not okay to say anything that a larger woman could conceivably interpret as not fat-positive (eg if you post "I'm 200lb and miserable about it" a load of women will line up to scream at you that they're 300lb and OMG how dare you fat shame them, they'd kill to be 200lbs, skinny bitch).

Unfortunately in the real world it's the opposite, fat shaming and fat abuse is everywhere, and while skinny-shaming does exist sometimes the world mostly privileges slimness.

Ducks! Everybody has ducks. Some are in a row. Some ducks need to be put in a row.

@Daphnise this is EXACTLY what I’m talking about. I don’t know a single person IRL-neighbours, friends, relatives- who would be bothered by kids playing on a trampoline in their garden. Only on MN.
Ditto for bbqs. The scorn BBQs get on MN! It’s grilling meat, not burning asbestos and toxic waste.

@SleepingStandingUp

They no one likes your children, not even your parents or best friends. People might vaguely tolerate discussion about your pregnancy or kids but really they resent every second of their wasted life having to listen to you

It might not be strictly true, but it still is a good advice to follow! Children are only fascinating for their parents.

Ooh: on MN the solution to any and all cooking problems is "bulk it out with lentils". I actually love lentils and eat them in loads of dishes, but unless you're vegan and/or from a culture with a tradition of using lentils really well (eg India), most people don't very regularly eat the kind of foods that can easily be bulked out with lentils.

Vegetarian shepherds pie? Sure. Pork fillet? Not really.

People getting their knickers in a twist about women being referred to as girls. I've never met a real person who gave a toss.

Noisy BBQs and parties late.
MN would have a field day by a relatives house. From spring to end of summer. Every weekend big BBQs and pool party.
Half the neighbours attend. And their families. Never once a complaint in 15 years.

I've never known anyone to complain in RL about BBQs etc anywhere.

You cannot possibly expect ANY inheritance from your parents!! Not a penny! They've WORKED all their lives and if they decide to squander it all within three years of retirement then you can't say anything or even have an opinion because it's Their Money.

The only true love is when you are married. Every other love, pre marriage or post, (or during) is either shallow, abusive or obsessive, bunny boiling, lunatic limerance (only ever heard of “limerance” on mumsnet- everyone else calls it “falling in love” or if really obsessive, “needing a hobby/being unwell”.
If you do get married, you now own every aspect of your husband’s life personality and interests forever, from when he was born and until he dies and by right you must have unlimited immediate access to every corner of his soul - otherwise LTB.
Noone ever splits up without one party being subjected to “abuse”.
“Death grip”
Unmarried parents are stupid and the mother is doomed
Being a “stay at home mum” when the kids are grown up and there’s not much to do anymore, is a noble thing and others just dont understand how much work there is to do, (despite them all having the same work to do themselves as well). (Postlockdown I’m not sure how that will fly) Being a housewife, is not however a thing.
Punishing partners for a weakening relationship by withdrawing access to children is justified
The NC with relatives because they ever challenge you on anything- and you must be right - is the cruellest and most dangerous i’ve seen though

People getting their knickers in a twist about women being referred to as girls.

Especially if the "girl" in question is 17 or 18.

According to MN anyone who has reached their 16th birthday is a WOMAN and it's offensive to use the word girl, because that word refers exclusively to actual children.

In the real world I don't know anyone who wouldn't refer to a teenage girl as... a teenage girl.