Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

It might not be strictly true, but it still is a good advice to follow! Children are only fascinating for their parents. Except I don't know anyone who is that disinterested in real life. I'm interested when my nephew record the alphabet for the first time or if my niece has started using the potty. i lovr baby photos of my friends babies. I don't think I'm a freak

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice

I don't use Fabric softener, a number of people I know don't. Wouldn't go as far as saying it's the devil's' juice but it's shit for the environment, bad for respiratory system and your skin, and has some dodgy cancer-causing ingredients.

Is it really so strange that some people don't use it? If so I'm surprised I've never thought it was widely seen as a laundry staple/essential anyway, in the way that soap is

@DeeCeeCherry 🙄

People who treat every wedding invite with derisive scorn, and dissing of the bride (never seems to be the groom) as all weddings are BORING. So they won't go, why should they? I have never seen or heard of this attitude in real life.

Ditto loo brush hate

I don't know what a puddle suit is.
The only RG uni I know is Robert Gordon's in Aberdeen.
I live in rented property and have no ambition to own "my own home" - this is where I live, and have done so for over twenty years.
I am one of four sisters, the eldest being seventy, the youngest sixty - we are still referred to as 'the girls'.
But I have learnt here what a penis beaker is and am awar of the Meican House Thief, so I hope I wont be banned from Mumsnet.

@CruCru

All MN children are extremely tall and slim. All other children are obese, even if they wear clothes in their age bracket because all shops now use vanity sizing for children.

All MN women are roughly the same weight as ballerinas.

Omg. Fucking hilarious 🤣🤣

You can also usually 'see their ribs'

I am not sure that shops like Next having to add a "plus waist" option to their school range is so funny

Oh, also, I have never heard the expression 'keep your powder dry'.

Always in relation to LTB, which to be honest, I don't disagree with half the time. But it always makes me think of old ladies trying to cover their red nose veins with a compact and one of them round sponges.

I know, I'm odd 😏

And all money is family money

Except of course if it's her 'running away money' or money she had been left in an iheritance, that's her's. If he's left money in a inheritance that's obviously family money.

@FrankButchersDickieBow

Oh, also, I have never heard the expression 'keep your powder dry'.

Always in relation to LTB, which to be honest, I don't disagree with half the time. But it always makes me think of old ladies trying to cover their red nose veins with a compact and one of them round sponges.

I know, I'm odd 😏

'keep your powder dry' isn't exclusive to MN, it's quite a common phrase, I believe the origins are more military than cosmetic!

@Fuckingcrustybread

Nobody in real life would think that cheese is a valid substitute for milk in coffee.

Come now, not everybody has a fridge so it's the only choice for some.

Everyone owning a rescue greyhound. Or, recommending a rescue greyhound to posters who have described their criteria for a dog being exactly opposite to a greyhound!!
Living rurally often with very odd parking and or shared gardens\access
Everyone runs as a hobby
Claiming to know everything about cars. Even though they've only driven the one volvo in 15 years..but it's perfect and everything else is shit.

Nobody on mumsnet avoids fabric conditioner just because they can't be arsed. It's because vinegar is better or the smell is deeply offensive.

The excessive showers and baths! Either they all toil in the Australian bush for work and return to a house with no aircon or they've got some sort of OCD, as I don't know anyone in real life who showers multiple times per day or has daily baths. And they always insist that anyone who doesn't do the same DEFINITELY stinks, we just aren't aware of it

Such a weird waste of time and water.

Being mortgage free at 19 havng worked hard since leaving school to pay it off on your 6 bedroomed mansion.

The outrage on MN sometimes makes me laugh.

E.g. OP says they helped someone, but wasn't sure if they were people pleasing as they were v busy too. Other posters say yes you probably were, but no big issue. A minority trot out to say it's awful and the OP should have done more and how dare she scum of the earth question helping others as the other person said what they wanted and therefore must get it this group must be PITA IRL.

I've thankfully not seen as much ableism IRL as is on here. The sheer number of people on MN saying disabled people should stay in their homes is quite upsetting - they don't like to be called out on their ableism though.

Sorry that's not very lighthearted 😂

Ok, lighthearted ones

People IRL with children use parent and child spaces. They don't make their lives difficult by cramming into a small space just in case some childless bloke in an Audi TT might have need the space more than they do. On MN using a P&C space is seen is highly entitled. And they think they're so clever by saying "You know they only have the P&C spaces to lure you into the supermarket". Well no shit Sherlock.

People IRL use the toilets like a normal person. No hovering, no crying because a workman had a smelly poo, no tying themselves in knots about the in laws visiting and which toilet to assign them.

People IRL have extravagant £30k weddings and they are brilliant. NO ONE IRL thinks that the typical MN wedding of a 6p per head budget, where the bride is wearing a 80p nightie from Oxfam,and the reception takes place on a hole in the ground, is the "best wedding they've ever been to". They think your cheapo wedding was shit and they're just being nice.

Oh and whenever there's a "How tall are you, what's your dress size and what do you weigh" type thread, I'm always astonished to find that people 6 inches shorter and a stone heavier than me are 2 dress sizes smaller than I am

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Hordes of Other People not wearing face coverings in supermarkets. I see maybe one or two at most on my weekly trips (not including young children)

Rear facing school aged children in cars. Toddlers, yes, but not past about 3.

Everywhere still being busy. Most places (except supermarkets or convenience stores) seem pretty dead to me.

Oh yes "I saw at least twelvty hundred squillion people without face masks in Tesco's" where are you, 2019?

Ooh I have another!

IRL everyone is grateful for their secret Santa gift at Christmas, and give it very little thought except that it's not easy to get a decent gift with a £5 budget.

On MN, if you get Bayliss and Harding (which is apparently as offensive as giving someone crack cocaine) it is the ultimate insult. They should have taken that £5, spent it on some decent wood and spent 30 hours whittling you a personalised poem to cherish forever. It's utterly unacceptable for a colleague (whose name you'll probably forget a couple of years after one of you leaves) to grab something that's quick and easy - it HAS to be pErSOnal

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

Oh and whenever there's a "How tall are you, what's your dress size and what do you weigh" type thread, I'm always astonished to find that people 6 inches shorter and a stone heavier than me are 2 dress sizes smaller than I am

To be fair, that’s the “six inches shorter” part. We definitely still look fat.

Competitive cleaning! If you don't mop your floors, clean the windows, dust every surface and spit shine your toilet seat three times a day your house is "fucking grim OP"
I always thought my home was clean, tidy if imperfect and normal, but no, it's clearly a hovel and we are trash goblins!

Failing to see any link between one spouse's behaviour and the other having an affair. Immnot saying having an affair is ever justified or the right course of action but it can be a symptom of a problem as much as a cause.

In MN land that is not a possibility at all.

Oh and expecting anything more than being spat on for your birthday makes you entitled and grabby