Things on MN that aren’t real life (LIGHTHEARTED)

[Summersun2020]

Thing on Mumsnet that you’ve only ever encountered on Mumsnet (lighthearted...please don’t bowl in with “well I do that actually”...ignore or add one of your own!!

People not using fabric softener...appears that on MN people in their droves think it stinks and is devil juice (I don’t know anyone IRL who is so vehemently against it/gets a migraine from the smell?? Surely it’s not that strong?).

any sort of noise in your garden at any time-kids on a trampoline, playing a radio at a normal level, etc. Completely normal everywhere I’ve ever lived- a cardinal sin on MN!

On the fence: antisocial and entitled neighbours as unpleasant as some posters claim to be. I know they exist, but thankfully have been spared and always had normal and civilised neighbours.

People who separate their neighbours/friends into bought, private renting or social housing and believe that a housing estate nearby automatically means that there will be lawlessness and burnt out cars everywhere.

@tinselearedcow

All MiLs/PiLs are horrible, toxic narcissists.

But that's only her In-laws, his In-laws are wonderful, totally indispensible and if he doesn't like them then LTB!

@SmileyClare

The fabric softener debate is always won by the "scent haters".

Some poor poster who has a rare sensitivity to smells always comes on and explains they involuntarily vomit or are incapacitated by a migraine if they smell Lenor and we all have to admit we're inconsiderate arseholes for using it when people like this are suffering.

Did you feel a draught when the point of this thread flew over your head.

Proper thick and borderline illiterate posters being lawyers on a billion pounds a year.

No, didn’t. You either had a screaming match or you muttered a few passive-aggressive comments then went to seethe in the other room for the rest of the evening while you thought about the clever things you’d have said if only you’d thought of them at the time.

Absolutely the best comment of the thread and so true

I've been here long enough to remember that badlad, all the right on mothers giving their boys nail varnish and skipping around in dresses and then one day the trans obsession arrived and they all suddenly went quiet. Not sure which one was more annoying.

People allergic to the word "vagina" and insisting on derailing any discussion to correct it with "vulva".

I don't think I've even heard the word vulva in real life!

fuckingcrustybread Did I feel a draught when the point of this thread flew over my head? Yes sorry for going off tangent.

That's reminded me of another mn obsession though- fucking crusty bread.

@user1471565182

Proper thick and borderline illiterate posters being lawyers on a billion pounds a year.

That one sounds about right to me.

In real life , I have a friend, she's had 3 children with a complete tosser, they've split now and he's turned out to be a really crap father. I've never found the need to ask her why she had so many children with this man.

That's reminded me of another mn obsession though- fucking crusty bread
That's where my name came from!

@Fuckingcrustybread

That's reminded me of another mn obsession though- fucking crusty bread That's where my name came from!

I do sort of live for bread. Well just carbs in general. But mainly bread!

All MN children are extremely tall and slim. All other children are obese, even if they wear clothes in their age bracket because all shops now use vanity sizing for children.

All MN women are roughly the same weight as ballerinas.

The belief these days that there is no other illness than covid and if you dare to go meet a mate you're killing grannies.

How many Mnetters hate pubs or drinking at home alone of an evening. I love the pub, I also love being sat on my sofa in front of my big TV with an enormous glass of wine and gasp on a school night too!

That all teachers are amazing. Lots are, some are child hating grumps. But god forbid you point that out on here.

OH MY GOD YOU EAT CARBS? DON'T TOU KNOW CARBS ARE PURE POISON AND EVEN A TOMATO WILL MAKE YOU DROP DEAD WITH DIABETES.

At risk of coming across as a perv, as I've ready mentioned it upthread, but the bra sizes of those that feel the need to randomly announce it are always small band and large cup sizes - 24GG or 22JJ type.

Never a standard could buy in Penneys size

If you so much as sniff a chocolate biscuit, you are single handedly bringing down the NHS.

@ValidUser

"My husband wore a rubbish bag instead of a suit to our wedding because his 12 year old nephew dared him to." is met with "sounds like my kind of guy" or "you sound uptight/sou sound like hard work."

"I have an overbearing neighbour" gets responses like "I had a neighbour once but he moved away. Count yourself lucky that Mr. Jones likes to watch you sleep."

Anyone not wanting to wait 5 hours in traffic because of a slow driver is impatient and clearly intolerant of any group that the person driving the slow car may belong to.

And is almost always used in an unpleasant context.

You forgot “we got married inside a bin bag, spent thruppence hapenny on the reception, and all our friends said it was the best wedding they’d ever been to”, followed by sneering at people for hiring a proper photographer when their 6 year old nephew got a camera for Christmas.

@WalrusWife

“Did you mean to be so rude” is a witty comeback.

Somone said that to me once and I said yes. Because they were being a dick!

@SpnBaby1967

The belief these days that there is no other illness than covid and if you dare to go meet a mate you're killing grannies.

How many Mnetters hate pubs or drinking at home alone of an evening. I love the pub, I also love being sat on my sofa in front of my big TV with an enormous glass of wine and gasp on a school night too!

That all teachers are amazing. Lots are, some are child hating grumps. But god forbid you point that out on here.

Oooh you alcoholic you! (Typed while sipping a nice glass of red )

Agree I don't encounter MN attitudes to alcohol in real life. Even people I know who can take or leave a drink don't care about other people's consumption, unless that person obviously has a serious problem.

Only on MN is a size 14 - 16 even, a normal size.

Only on MN is someone who enjoys exercise a deluded mythomane.
And ONLY men must be allowed to have a hobby, female MN posters are stuck in the kitchen apparently

Mens only hobbies are cycling here

@Summersun2020
I hope you’ve been on here forever and know all about penis beaker etc or you’re not allowed to post!

All step parents and mil are evil and never ever ask for help from parents because you an adult! Just move home as then said parents can’t charge you rent!)

@Theunamedcat

Mens only hobbies are cycling here

And also a big secret.

DH has spent our last £1000 on his ‘hobby’?
Book yourself a spa day and make him pay/ spend the same on a new handbag. Cos nothing fixes a hole in the bank balance like more spending.

With its close cousin send him an invoice for childcare.

And how come everyone lives rurally all of a sudden?