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Original poster

Friend nasty about more than one home?

107 replies

Gooooesj · 18/01/2021 09:09

My family owns a few homes, including the one they live in. Some are buy to let’s and others holiday homes, sometimes rented in peak season. My close friend has stayed regularly in one of these for holidays. My parents aren’t lavish with money and don’t spend on extravagant things. They have an old car etc

I’ve recently bought my own buy to let and have my own mortgaged home. My friend knows about this as our mutual friend did the conveyancing. She’s since told me that she ‘didn’t think I was like my family’ and that she ‘thought I had better values.’ This was said in text with a winking emoji but I’m hurt by it. I don’t have loads of money and the buy to let isn’t anything lavish, I just thought it would be a good investment. My family have done this and it works for them. I’m now wondering if all this time she’s actually had an issue with this despite staying in one of the holiday homes and apparently liking my family... I don’t know what to make of it and sort of want to bring it up with her?! Would you leave it? I almost feel she’s been false with me all this time if she had such strong views. I’ve known her over two decades.

OP posts:
Sassysally12 · 18/01/2021 09:13

Absolutely not would I leave it, you need to stick up for your family. I would say and what values would they be? Didn’t realise you were so against this, you didn’t seem to have an issue when you were enjoying the perks and staying in these homes?? Simple and blunt, cheeky cow

FlingingFlangingHardToOpen · 18/01/2021 09:17

Sounds like a relatively light hearted comment to me, so I would ask how you feel about a second home? You seem a bit defensive, is there some guilt there? I’m currently upsizing and moving to an area with better schools, only possible due to various supports and privileges, and I definitely feel a little weird about it, like I’m buying my children’s futures or putting myself above the people who live near schools that perform more poorly.

Deathraystare · 18/01/2021 09:20

Didn’t realise you were so against this, you didn’t seem to have an issue when you were enjoying the perks and staying in these homes??

This exactly. It is not affecting her is it? Silly mare.

Deathraystare · 18/01/2021 09:23

Sounds like a relatively light hearted comment to me,

saying she thought the op was better than her family, had better values? Oh come on! If that isn't goady, I don't know what is! The cheeky cow had stayed regularly at some properties!

DifficultBloodyWoman · 18/01/2021 09:23

I’d text her a single question mark. And then nothing further unless she wants to dig a bigger hole for herself.

Frazzle76 · 18/01/2021 09:24

Put your hard hat on lovely. Mumsnet comes down on people with second homes and BTL like a ton of bricks.
At the end of the day this is what you have chosen to do with your money. Its no one else's business. And if they spend their money on other crap that's not your business either. We all make good or bad financial decisions, sometimes helped or hindered by family.
Time for her to take responsibility for her own and no more special treatment for holidays.

BlueJag · 18/01/2021 09:28

We own btl homes. We always get digs about it. Fat cats, greedy, we are taking houses away from more deserving people etc.
We truly don't care. We need a pension. Unfortunately £117 a week isn't going to cut it to live once we retire.
We are self employed so it's up to us to provide ourselves with an income.
I'll send a text asking what does she mean?????ConfusedConfusedConfused

Ylfa · 18/01/2021 09:29

I have huge problems with the concept of homes as investment when housing is a basic human right. It’s capitalism gone mad.

Hopefully I don’t judge individuals who do this too harshly, we’re all just trying to survive after all.

Coolerthanapolarbearstoenails · 18/01/2021 09:34

You know, I'm sure she does like your family and although it's a bit cheeky staying in one of the properties when she doesn't agreed with it (did she pay?), texting that was rude - despite thinking it.

Also. It doesn't matter that the property isn't lavish. Many will be of the opinion that that makes it worse. It's taken a graspable option away from someone who just wants a secure place to live.

Milkshake7489 · 18/01/2021 09:40

She is unreasonable to stay in the houses and then complain but not necessarily for judging people for owning multiple homes.

When affordable housing is scarce, it makes sense to question people buying up resources.

(No judgement here though, I'm firmly on the fence and inclined to think it is the government's job to ensure enough affordable housing exists... plus i love using a family holiday home so can't really comment Wink).

Icanseegreenshoots · 18/01/2021 10:02

Her values were not so present when she decided to stay in your family holiday home, and I am sorry but she does sound bitter and jealous.

You sound defensive. You don't need to be, you can spend your money how you like.

Bl3ss3dm0m · 18/01/2021 10:03

In a general sense I can understand people being a bit annoyed about second + homes for individual family's, but if we didn't have BTL many people, probably including me, would be homeless; since the Council had to allow people to buy their homes after a certain amount of time.
The same goes for general rental of holiday homes, many of us want to rent a holiday home for a week or two, rather than the other choices.
However I think that your friend is being a completely disloyal, and unreasonable person for never having told you her views before, she has been two-faced to you and your family. Whether she had to pay full wacky for the holidays or not doesn't matter, because you shouldn't take freebies from, or pay money to someone that you know you don't like, because of the judgement of their morals.
eg. There is a hotel in Devon which is just the sort I like (an old mansion, furnished luxuriously), but I would never give them any money as I happen to KNOW that they teach (those guests who want to) how to hunt and shoot the Deer in their Deer Park.

Icanseegreenshoots · 18/01/2021 10:04

I also wouldn't trust that she isn't being unkind about you behind your back. I would consider distancing.

Roadtohades · 18/01/2021 10:06

@Coolerthanapolarbearstoenails - how does a buy to let property take away an option from someone who just wants a secure place to live? Surely it's providing rental accommodation, not taking it away? If people on low incomes can't manage to get a mortgage, then their only option is to rent, which is what buy to let properties provide.

Bl3ss3dm0m · 18/01/2021 10:06

Sorry for the "y" after wack, and the "the" when it should be "your", and for any other mistakes that I haven't yet noticed!

KaptainKaveman · 18/01/2021 10:07

I love the way the OP has tried to paint her property empire owning family as impoverished because they "have an old car etc".

Yeah, ok then...Grin

bobbojobbo · 18/01/2021 10:11

If people on low incomes can't manage to get a mortgage, then their only option is to rent, which is what buy to let properties provide

Usually at extortionate rent and at massive profit, without maintaining properties adequately. They aren't being charitable.

Lots of people feel the same way, OP. If you want to be a property mogul you are going to be judged. Live with it

Cam77 · 18/01/2021 10:18

@Roadtohades
It inflates the price of those homes which are available to buy. Approximately 250,000 buy to let properties are taken each year. That’s a quarter of a million houses off the market which pushes up the price of the market. It’s not that retina is bad per se, but rather the UK has a poor balance. In many parts of the country renting is far more expensive than a monthly mortgage payment: hence generation rent. Unfortunately a good half of MPs are landlords ...

whoamongstus · 18/01/2021 10:21

I'm with your friend on people accumulating unnecessary housing wealth BUT she was very rude and hypocritical. I'd tell her her morals aren't important enough to her to stop her using your family's houses so she should pipe down 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Gooooesj · 18/01/2021 10:24

@KaptainKaveman

I love the way the OP has tried to paint her property empire owning family as impoverished because they "have an old car etc".

Yeah, ok then...Grin

Hmm I didn’t say they were impoverished. I actually said the multiple homes had worked for them but they are not extravagant people who splash out on cars.

Anyway... yes I am a but defensive. I think because I was given 10k towards my house (yes I know that is far more than most people have). It wasn’t a fortune though and I have done the rest myself. No hand outs. So I guess I expected her to be happy for me and at the very least not be rude about it.

On reflection I don’t think I will say anything to her, doesn’t seem much point.

OP posts:
Cam77 · 18/01/2021 10:31

The trouble is that buy to let investment is just too financially attractive in countries like the UK compared to other investment routes. Ex new labour leader Tony Blair currently has a portfolio worth £30 million. New Labour merely slowed the pace rather than the direction of Thatcherism. Britain is a country which is very comfortable with vast and growing inequality with the top 20% or so moving upwards and the other 80% moving downwards in real terms.

Ylfa · 18/01/2021 10:31

I don’t understand why people often have to claim benefits to top up their incomes to pay rent to people who go on to use that money to pay off a mortgage on the property in question. It not only seems to widen the gap between people but it’s not a good use of public funds. I can’t find any logic in this system, it makes no sense.

Kottbullar · 18/01/2021 10:34

If you've known her twenty years surely your relationship is close enough that you can tell her she's hurt your feelings.

Also sometimes people change their minds or have mixed feelings.
I've happily stayed in holiday rentals and have had a holiday home myself but then I watched the area I lived in become completely ruined by landlords and changed my mind a bit.

Kottbullar · 18/01/2021 10:38

No hand outs.
Except £10,000.

Fizbosshoes · 18/01/2021 10:39

I've noticed MN are very (negatively) vocal about BTL, second homes and holiday homes.
I dont know what the obvious answer is.
Lots of people need short term accomodation (short term contracts, students, living somewhere temporary when their house is renovated, new to an area and dont want to commit to buying, recently separated etc ) what is the alternative to renting in any of these situations?
Should hotels and camping/caravan parks be the only holidays allowed? (In theory hotels could be better utilised as flats?)
But I can completely see the problems in areas with a high % of second homes when the residents are deprived of adequate facilities and services.

(I'm not a 2nd home owner btw)

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