DS1's finest meltdown was when he was 7. He hadn't changed his reading book for ages, and I asked him several times "have you changed your reading book?" He went ballistic. We only live about a 200m walk from school. He was ranting and raving and as we crossed the road, I gently put my arm around him to guide him and he was bellowing "STOP HITTING ME!!!" and trying to kick at my shins.
He spent the next 4 hours in his bedroom gradually getting over it, but every time I went in his room he would flare up again. It took DH intervening when he got in to begin to defuse the situation. 4 hours before he could actually talk to me again.
We had another 3 hour meltdown a couple of months later.
It's been quite some time since we've had meltdowns that explosive. He's matured a bit, I've learned to read the signs and triggers better, we're making progress on articulating issues.
It's hard. Especially public ones. My skin has got much thicker. Last week he was in his Victor Meldrew state rumbling along because I cruelly insisted upon making him walk to the playground. It must look horrible to a casual observer, me striding off with my trouser phobic child with shaggy hair grumbling and ranting 10 mins behind, but I know he's safe and well (Lord knows I can hear him, and no one will abduct him in that state) and he doesn't want the extra layer of me communicating to add in the turmoil. Ignoring and letting him physically and mentally burn it off works best.
It's hard.
He can also be very affectionate, loving and delightful. He does feel loved and we can be open about quite deep stuff.