How much time off if a parent dies?

[ScottishStottie]

Just wondering whats normal in terms of time off when a parent dies?

Dps mum died suddenly last week (non covid related) and we are all still in shock. Dp in particular is still pretty traumatised, it was him that found her, had to do cpr while waiting for ambulance etc. All very difficult.

Work is putting a bit of pressure to come back. (We both work for the same place) and they seemed surprised that dp wouldnt be back till at least after the funeral (in 2 weeks time) policy states 3 days for close family, 2 days for not so close, so he gets 3, i get 2.

Is this really all the time off people have in these situations?? Dp is in no fit state to go back, but is now worried that hes wanting more than he should have.

Im going back this week, to take some pressure off rather than both of us off, but even then im not happy about it, dont want to be leaving dp in on his own atm.

Never dealt with this before so no idea what is normal or what to expect to be allowed.

Why not take paid leave?

I took 2 days off for my Step dads funeral, it was in Northern Ireland so had to travel from London, work asked if I needed more but it was fine

I’ve seen people come back to work as per guidelines after a 5 days for close relative - they were not ready and muddled through until going sick. For them they should have gone off sick from the beginning it would have been probably a shorter time while they processed it. But I’ve worked with others that needed routine and wanted to come back to work.
If he isn’t ready speak to GP and that will give him the space and time he sounds like he needs.

I had two days.

I’m sorry for your loss

My mum died on Christmas Day, she was critical from the 18th. I went off sick from work then - we had covid and we were waiting for updates and I couldn’t concentrate at work knowing I could get bad news.
I got signed off by the GP and have been signed off for another month as I am feeling traumatised by the thoughts of her dying alone (with a nurse) but without us.

*she had covid

@wlv12 you poor love, how very awful for you. I do hope you have someone to hold you close in these very dark days 💐💐

Sorry for your loss, but yes 2-3 days is normal plus the day of the funeral and time off to go to the registry office, funeral director, later on probate etc. The dr can sign off if longer is needed though, varies from person to person and circumstances obviously (loosing a child suddenly or spouse in their 50's for instance is quite different to an elderly parent and work places are usually understanding but I know someone who was pressured back 2 days after loosing a (well) child to sudden cardiac illness.

Dh got 2 weeks compassionate leve and then was signed off for another 8 weeks. He was not for much tbh let alone work. My company isn't generous in this regard so when the time comes will probably just get signed off if need be. Some people need longer others less, I guess you don't know until you are in that situation.

*not fit for

I was once on the other side of this and had the difficult job of granting the time off. Its a difficult balance to get. Some people need longer than others. Theres a lot to be said for going back quickly then taking time off later to sort things out. It depended on individual circumstances, age, illness etc. Its very hard, the actual going back to work , but you can get a lot of support from your colleagues and can better taking time to grieve after the initial event

5 days paid compassionate leave