How much time off if a parent dies?

[ScottishStottie]

Just wondering whats normal in terms of time off when a parent dies?

Dps mum died suddenly last week (non covid related) and we are all still in shock. Dp in particular is still pretty traumatised, it was him that found her, had to do cpr while waiting for ambulance etc. All very difficult.

Work is putting a bit of pressure to come back. (We both work for the same place) and they seemed surprised that dp wouldnt be back till at least after the funeral (in 2 weeks time) policy states 3 days for close family, 2 days for not so close, so he gets 3, i get 2.

Is this really all the time off people have in these situations?? Dp is in no fit state to go back, but is now worried that hes wanting more than he should have.

Im going back this week, to take some pressure off rather than both of us off, but even then im not happy about it, dont want to be leaving dp in on his own atm.

Never dealt with this before so no idea what is normal or what to expect to be allowed.

We offer up to fourteen days, which do not have to be taken consecutively. Any more than that will require a special case to be put forward.

I think you can reassure your DP that he's not unusual in needing more time than is offered, if that is a concern for him - it is a massive loss, he needs to process it and it is not 'wrong' of him to need more time. As PPs say, whilst I 'went back to work' I was not functioning at my best at all. But I don't have a crucial-mistakes-life-or-death decisions type of job, so me being under par was acceptable.

I'm sorry for your loss

I'm sorry for your loss.

Officially I'd only get 5 days compassionate leave as a maximum irrespective of who passed away.

If I lost a parent I'd use all 5 days then trigger sick leave until at least the funeral was done. My GP wouldn't hesitate writing a fit note for that.

Sorry to hear this OP.
I think it’s a week at the very most most places and that’s if it was your blood relative. Best thing to do is to get signed off until your ready to return.

When my mum died, my boss said take as long as you need, so I had two weeks which included the funeral. Going back was hard, but it gradually got better after a few more weeks.

Definitely see the Dr & get him signed off.

Sorry for your loss

I am sorry for your loss.

When my dad died I had 2 weeks off, mostly because I had to travel to another country for the funeral, which was shortly after his death. I think the official policy was 5 days, but work were very understanding. I didn't have to take it as sick leave or annual leave.

High strett emploter: 2 days immediate family, 1 week if it's your child.

How grim is that? What hr person thought 1 week is acceptable leave for the death f your child?

Yes. This is standard. It's poor isn't it?
My sil got her GP to sign her off.

How old is your DP? And his mum?

When my stepdad got knocked down and killed, my brother had 5 weeks off I think. It might have been slightly longer. It was unpaid. He does work through an agency though too.

Reason I ask is 3 days seems pretty rubbish. They expect you back 3 days after losing a parent?! Shocking really. I would say at least 3 weeks should be minimum

Thank you for the replies, good to know that dp is 'normal' and i can reassure him of that. Also good to know that i need to suck it up a bit and get back to work. I can deal with that.

Its a bit of bad timing, our work has been heavily affected by covid so we have noth been furloughed for most of the year. This week theres a major client that wants work done in a very specific timeframe, which will need everyone back to work, then back on flexible furlough.

I did mention to my boss that if there were any issues we could sort out a doctors line, but she said she would sort it so assuming she is just furloughing dp. Said she would keep the compassionate leave days for the funeral.

Ive been trying to get him to get in touch with the gp, but hes not keen. He agrees that hes not fit to work though so if work became an issue then i think he would.

I imagine that after this week there'll be very little work for us so hopefuly wont be an issue after this. Nature of work is travelling to sites and working independently, so no-one to lean on for support etc.

When my dad died I got 2 days plus 1 day to tell my mum (she was travelling abroad and was out of contact), then a further 1 day for the funeral itself.

This was fine by me as I needed to be busy rather than dwelling on things.

When people in my wider team have had this they were basically allowed to take their own time, up to 2 weeks signed off by management. Circumstances were always taken into account (e.g. if the parent had been ill for a time vs a sudden unexpected death), if someone needed more time then we encouraged them to get a sick note from a GP. There was no point having someone back at work too soon, who was making mistakes and not able to actually do their work.

@tableflowerss dp is early 30s, mum was mid 50s. So relatively young.

Yes 3 days is standard.

2 weeks is standard but up to 6 can be granted without having to go for a sick note if its immediate family.

My brother's wife took a year.

5 days is all I got

I’m sorry for your loss but I’m afraid what his work have said does sound normal. If he is not fit for work he needs to get signed off sick.

Sorry for your loss. Re getting your DP to go the GP, could you say something along the line of - if you broke your leg you get treatment, you also get treatment for trauma.

Obviously less blunt and I’m your own words.

Unfortunately that is what most places allow. It's really awful that we don't have a system for proper bereavement leave. I'd get him signed off by the GP.

@SallyTimms

High strett emploter: 2 days immediate family, 1 week if it's your child.

How grim is that? What hr person thought 1 week is acceptable leave for the death f your child?

I work in the public sector and its the same policy for us. The 5 days off for a child is only if the child is school age or younger. If they are 19 it's 3 days.

In reality I think most employers try to be flexible. Plus if its your child I can't imagine trying to return after a few days but you would be signed off sick.

Sorry for your loss - it's always a shock even when it is expected.

3 days is standard policy at work but allows "manager discretion" which means that people may not need to take holidays or get signed off.

My dad died on a weekend and my brother rang me at about 3am Sunday morning to tell me. Overseas so he forgot the time difference. I didn't make it to work on Monday (leave allowed) but went back on the Tuesday knowing that I'd have to take a couple of weeks off for the funeral (7 hour flight etc etc). My manager allowed me the full 2 weeks which was very generous and unexpected. Another person in the same company hadn't been allowed any time off with her 10 year old step brother died. Her manager said that as they weren't actually related no leave was required. He also denied her request for leave to attend the funeral at which point she quit.

Dh was allowed 2 weeks off when fil died unexpectedly

It was the fact that when i asked if we should sort a sick note she backtracked a bit, as if she knew she was being unreasonable by asking and didnt want to be officially told she wasnt to force him back.

She was using the argument of 'it may be good for him to get back to work' but i know she will be thinking of the time pressure on this clients work this week. So once she knew this week was out of the question then she wasnt that bothered about the doctors note. Likely that next week onwards there wont be anything else for a long time.

But i suppose at the end of the day, shes a boss, her focus is going to be on getting work sorted.