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Original poster

Did anyone who left baby's sex a 'surprise' feel disappointed?

93 replies

Lelophants · 08/01/2021 13:54

Just curious really! Loads of people go on about wanting to find the sex out during pregnancy so they're not disappointed at birth, but I've never seen a post on here by someone who was disappointed by having a surprise at birth. I've seen lots of people feel disappointed or strange by finding the sex out in advance though!

Has anyone had this?

Obviously people do as otherwise Henry VIII wouldn't be so famous and knocked off different wives. On here though?

I feel like it's generally quite hard to be disappointed once you have a baby in your arms, which is why I never found out but maybe I'm wrong!

OP posts:

BakeNVac · 08/01/2021 13:58

Yes, but mainly because people always assume that there are two possible times to find out a baby’s sex and they are at a scan/prenatal test or at their live birth, but there are more possibilities than that.

2021ComeAtMe · 08/01/2021 14:11

My experience (but could be wrong!) is that those who leave it a surprise genuinely aren't bothered either way. I was in this camp - boy or girl, I didn't care 🤷‍♀️ DD arrived and I was delighted and exhausted.

Whereas the people I know who do find out want to be organised for it's a boy or a girl, so buy gender-related clothes etc and have a preference and want to find out earlier than the birth so they can get their head around it.

I appreciate this might be incorrect for some, but it's right going by the people I know.

ShipshapeShore · 08/01/2021 15:21

I was totally out of it when my first was delivered so when the anaesthetist said, "Do you want to know if you've had a boy or a girl then?" I replied, "no thank you." No idea why! I quickly changed my mind and he told us we had a little girl. I would have been happy with either but I still don't know why I said I that!

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lifestooshort123 · 08/01/2021 16:23

40 years ago there was no way of knowing so it was a lovely surprise whichever popped out!

StillMedusa · 08/01/2021 16:43

I was..for approximately 1 minute For some reason I was sure my second baby would be another girl and when ds1 popped out (well dragged out, cord round neck and promptly resusitated) for a brief moment I went 'Oh... really?' Then I was just terrified he wouldn't ok and ecstatic when he got around to breathing :) Moments later I was feeling sorry for the mums who'd just had girls

I didn't find out the sex with any of my four and was just very pleased when they arrived all in one piece! (two of each)

crumpet · 08/01/2021 16:44

Didn’t care. Had 2 difficult pregnancies and felt lucky to have a healthy baby.

ArsenicNLace · 08/01/2021 17:06

After an exhausting labour I miss heard when the midwife told me the sex so for about 10 seconds I was ecstatic I'd got a girl and grinning like an idiot saying 'It's a girl, it's a girl it's a girl'.

I was then correct and immediately 'Saying it's a boy it's a boy's' and still grinning like an idiot. Wasn't bothered either way!

PaperMonster · 08/01/2021 17:12

I didn’t have a preference but I was convinced I was having a boy. So being told I had a girl was a big surprise! I was just happy to have a live one having lost a few previously.

everydaysablessing · 08/01/2021 17:13

I wasn't bothered to find out, you can't change it, and left a surprise for the birth. Was convinced it was a boy so when DH said a girl I asked was he sure!!?

Theforest · 08/01/2021 17:16

Of course not!!!

RedMarauder · 08/01/2021 17:17

It allowed the midwives and doctors at my labour to play guess the sex.

Most though it was a boy but she is a girl.

ChristmasUserName2020 · 08/01/2021 17:33

I didn’t care and really wanted the amazing surprise. I was 99% sure baby was going to be a boy anyway so when the MW said ‘boy’ it was an amazing feeling but I was thinking in my head ‘I knew it!!’ 😜😜

Dailyhandtowelwash · 08/01/2021 17:36

I mostly wanted the moment the baby arrived to be the moment I found out, but a tiny part of me wanted a girl, and I figured if I waited till birth, then I wouldn't be upset if it were a boy, as they'd be there and themselves, whereas if I found out in advance, I might feel a short disappointment, and then I'd always regret feeling like that even for a bit.

In the end, everyone was convinced I was having a boy for some reason, and the midwives told me during labour it was a boy's heartbeat, and we only had a boy's name ready, so a girl was a massive surprise.

MonkeyPuddle · 08/01/2021 17:37

No I didn’t care, we had an EMCS and I was just happy she was alive.
They held her up for me to see her and so I could see what sex she was and in my stressed/unwell/knackered headspace I couldn’t tell, despite her being very clearly female.

CodenameVillanelle · 08/01/2021 17:38

Not disappointed at all, though I wanted the one I didn't get. It didn't occur to me to be disappointed once I got the baby in my arms and the imaginary baby I pictured vanished in a puff of smoke!

PatchworkElmer · 08/01/2021 17:40

My Mum said she had a fleeting moment of disappointment with my sibling, and she’s felt guilty for the 31 years since!

mindutopia · 08/01/2021 17:42

I didn't even know what dd was. I pulled her up and looked at her, and then had to ask the midwife if she was a boy or a girl. I was just in too much shock and my brain couldn't comprehend what just happened to me and what I was looking at. I think maybe I would have been disappointed the 2nd time around as I did quite want a boy (we did have a ds), but we found out at scan then. I would expect there are people who are disappointed to an extent, but it may not even register at the time.

gerbo · 08/01/2021 17:42

No. Twice we had surprises, had one of each. Over the moon with both. Cannot understand at all people who 'prefer' one sex over another. As long as baby is healthy and strong and you come out the end of it ok, it's all a joy!

Worldwide2 · 08/01/2021 17:44

Mine were both surprises one of each. Didn't mind either way through both pregnancies and was delighted with each. Wouldn't have cared at all.
So maybe you have a point about ppl fixated on the sex and then being disappointed.

Lofu · 08/01/2021 17:45

We had a surprise the first time around because we had no preference. This time I do have a preference. So I'm finding out at the scan to manage any disappointment I might have.

NiceGerbil · 08/01/2021 17:48

I didn't mind and wanted to wait and see.

I was annoyed when induced and having a bad time the person monitoring the baby heart beat told the that they were absolutely sure it was a boy due to the heartbeat. I mean I went 42+ so had not found out for a very very long time and I mean I don't know why she said it. You can't tell from the heartbeat anyway which I know now. But at the time I was in pain and scared and I just thought why have you told me that so definitively with a smug look on your face?!

Anyway it was a girl

With dd2 the ultrasound woman really was desperate to tell us and we were no no no and she said I tell you what I'll write it down on a bit of paper so you can look of you change your mind and I was just no no stop it! Even when you're sure you don't want to know you don't need having it dangled in front of you like that

peapotter · 08/01/2021 17:50

Yes

Just once, for my third. I never found out the sex for any of them. But dc3 was very prem, emergency section and very sick, so i didn’t get to do the whole “just happy to hold a healthy baby” thing. It only lasted a few minutes though. I think it was just shock.

Napqueen1234 · 08/01/2021 18:31

I wasn’t disappointed with the sex either time but we found out with my first which was lovely and I loved getting ready for our girl. With the second DH wanted a surprise so I was happy with that as had no sex preference anyway. I found being told it was another girl such an anticlimax compared to the excitement midway through last time! Sounds silly as I was delighted with my healthy baby and so grateful but after months of everyone squealing about how exciting a surprise is it really...wasn’t.

Monkeypeas · 08/01/2021 18:48

I had convinced myself my 2nd was a boy and I had 60/40 preference for a boy so when a girl popped out and I looked down I was totally shocked.
But I wasn’t disappointed, I was gobsmacked but it just felt like she was exactly who was meant to join our family and I was elated.

A friend really wanted the sex she didn’t get and did admit to feeling a bit disappointed after delivery and will admit to still wishing for that sex child now

Kittykatmacbill · 08/01/2021 18:56

Not exactly but I was really poorly with dd1, emergency section and negative reaction to pain drugs and my prior conviction that she was going to be a boy (despite actually not being fussed), created a combination effect which meant I found it really challenging to bond with her.

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