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Original poster

Did anyone who left baby's sex a 'surprise' feel disappointed?

93 replies

Lelophants · 08/01/2021 13:54

Just curious really! Loads of people go on about wanting to find the sex out during pregnancy so they're not disappointed at birth, but I've never seen a post on here by someone who was disappointed by having a surprise at birth. I've seen lots of people feel disappointed or strange by finding the sex out in advance though!

Has anyone had this?

Obviously people do as otherwise Henry VIII wouldn't be so famous and knocked off different wives. On here though?

I feel like it's generally quite hard to be disappointed once you have a baby in your arms, which is why I never found out but maybe I'm wrong!

OP posts:

babybythesea · 09/01/2021 09:01

No. I was so relieved that the birth was over and that I had a healthy baby in my arms that short of looking down to find it was a cat, I had no room for disappointment!

underneaththeash · 09/01/2021 09:02

I don't like surprises at the best of times, never mind when I've been through several hours of painful labour.

DH did want a surprise so we didn't find out with DC2.
I can't see the point of not finding out.....

SaltyTootsieToes · 09/01/2021 09:02

No. There’s two choice only. So you no you’ll get only one or the other, 50/50 odds so no disappointment. Just happy for a healthy baby really.

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Families

Katyy · 09/01/2021 09:03

When my second boy was born the midwife said it’s a girl, the 2nd midwife said where are you looking it’s a boy ! I didn’t care either way. Good job !

MacDuffsMuff · 09/01/2021 09:04

Didn't find out with either. Wasn't bothered what we had, neither was DH.

babybythesea · 09/01/2021 09:06

I did however find out with DD2. Mainly because DH wanted a son (I didn’t care) and now that we had one daughter I wanted him to have time to get over the disappointment if no2 was also a girl.
By the time she was born he had fully got his head round it. It wasn’t so much that he didn’t want girls but that he didn’t want to never have a son but we were only going to ever have two.
They are now 7 and 11. DD2 in particular is a carbon copy of DH, both to look at and in her interests, so he has a little shadow who spends as much time as possible doing things with Daddy. He is wrapped round their little fingers and says now he cannot imagine either of them being boys.
So he may have wanted a son but it didn’t work out that way but he doesn’t regret it or give it any head space now.

Standrewsschool · 09/01/2021 09:06

I wasn’t disappointed in finding out at birth either.

I think you see the baby first, and the sex second, if that’s make sense. Also, you’re so exhausted by the whole experience, that you’re happy and content with anything!

Terracottasaur · 09/01/2021 09:07

I didn’t find out and genuinely didn’t care either way, but I do know that when my son was born and handed to me I was instantly convinced that if he had been a girl I simply couldn’t have loved him as much 🤣 hormones are strange things!

RandomMess · 09/01/2021 09:09

I had a very strong preference for DC2 and DC3 and didn't find out because I knew after the effort of labour and delivery I would be less bothered (that was the theory) I got my preference though so can't comment.

With DC4 I was more ok about it being the "other" sex but didn't find out. Again it was my preferred sex so not sure if not finding out made a difference.

I knew I would go overdue, be induced and not have my desired home birth so want some surprise to lol forward to!!

PinkyParrot · 09/01/2021 09:10

I'm surprised no one cares - surely if you have one of one sex it's natural to want one of the other next. Unless you favour one over the other for some reason.

Scaredykittycat · 09/01/2021 09:10

Nope. I had a surprise with both and was thrilled both times. Didn’t even consider their sex other than to consider their name.

Babdoc · 09/01/2021 09:11

I kept it a surprise both times. I very definitely did not want a boy, (radical feminist) and I worried that if I found out months in advance that one was, I would have built up resentment towards the unfortunate little chap before he arrived!
Luckily, I had two girls, both raised as kickass feminists.

Scaredykittycat · 09/01/2021 09:11

@PinkyParrot erm. No. It’s not natural at all. I have 2 of the same sex and if we had any more children, I’d feel the same as I did with both of them. I wouldn’t care either way.

Peasbewithyou · 09/01/2021 09:13

I had 1 surprise and then found out the next 2 times. I was not disappointed at all, I just liked knowing during the pregnancy and found it was nice to prepare older siblings by being able to tell them about their new baby brother or sister

Worldwide2 · 09/01/2021 09:20

@PinkyParrot I have the opposite view. I'm surprised anyone cares. I was happy either way. It actually shocks me how ppl are so invested in what sex they 'want/prefer'
The only thing I was ever concerned with is the health of my babies.

HaveITheRightToHoldYou · 09/01/2021 09:20

No I wasn’t disappointed.

FourForYouGlenCoco · 09/01/2021 09:26

tigerbread20

I wasn't disappointed but for a few minutes I was very that I had a boy as I'd spent the previous 7 months convinced he was a girl.

I had exactly this but the other way round. Found out with my first 2, loved it, everyone raved about ‘the surprise’ so didn’t find out with DC3. Utterly convinced it was a boy; when a girl appeared I felt like she wasn’t mine - struggled to bond with her for quite a few weeks and I’m sure it’s because she wasn’t ‘my’ baby. Bonkers as I didn’t actually care either way! I did get over it and am completely in love with her now, but I wish I’d just found out so I could have looked forward to her arriving and enjoyed the moment rather than having to get my knackered postnatal head round the adjustment of expectations. It was no reflection on her character or anything else (I’m not one of these ‘all little girls in dresses, only boys can climb trees’ or anything like that) but if I could go back in time I would find out for sure.

Ragwort · 09/01/2021 09:27

No not at all, I'd had an EMCS and when I came round it was just me, another patient and the doctor in the room, I asked the doctors what I'd had and he'd clearly been told by my DH that he (DH) wanted to be the one to tell me so he didn't really reply at first - which made me think something was wrong ... but then he did tell me I'd had a boy.

I'd genuinely not had a preference either way, I knew this would be on only child and now, 19 years later, I can happily say that a DS was the better 'fit' for our family (but I'd probably say the same if we'd had a girl ).

FourForYouGlenCoco · 09/01/2021 09:27

Oh and I also agree with whoever said it was anticlimactic. DC3 was quite a dramatic birth (in a good way, but still!) - that would have been plenty surprise for me!

sandgrown · 09/01/2021 09:34

When my first two were born it wasn’t the thing to find out. When I had my third I had an amniocentesis. I told them to mark my records that I absolutely did not want to be told . I just love surprises and I didn’t care either way .

Subordinateclause · 09/01/2021 09:39

My midwife said in 20 years she'd never known a patient to be told incorrectly from a 20 week scan. It's always a friend of a friend it happens to. People often know from genetic data too if they had an amnio. I know it can happen but I completely disagree with a pp that it happens 'more than people think'.

DeliaOwens · 09/01/2021 10:01

Ours was a twin pregnancy (fraternal) and we didn't find out until birth day. Best surprise ever. No regrets.

RandomMess · 09/01/2021 10:05

It did happen to our good friends.

Mum already had 2 boys and it was his first, thrilled they were having a girl. Pink bedroom, lots of clothes already bought etc. On delivery it was another son!!

That was an interesting birth announcement a few of us were a bit surprised with the name until we twigged they'd had a boy!

TeaAndStrumpets · 09/01/2021 10:26

We were thrilled to have a girl. Our favourite name was for a girl, and we couldn't agree on a boy's name so that made life easy.

Mother in Law, however, was quite put out. She'd chosen a name for "him" and everything ( It incorporated DH's own name which he has passionately hated all his life.) I laughed when I read about a previous poster's MIL ringing the hospital to double- check!

Mother in Law was loudly hopeful no 2 would be male, so we were actually hoping to have another girl, and got our wish! Of course the baby would have been perfect to us, boy or girl. She did love her granddaughters, and they loved her - despite her being BONKERS.

DinosApple · 09/01/2021 11:28

Didn't know either time. Fleeting feeling of oh I'll never have a boy with second child, but was delighted as she was the spitting image of my mum so felt I knew her already.

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