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Original poster

Did anyone who left baby's sex a 'surprise' feel disappointed?

93 replies

Lelophants · 08/01/2021 13:54

Just curious really! Loads of people go on about wanting to find the sex out during pregnancy so they're not disappointed at birth, but I've never seen a post on here by someone who was disappointed by having a surprise at birth. I've seen lots of people feel disappointed or strange by finding the sex out in advance though!

Has anyone had this?

Obviously people do as otherwise Henry VIII wouldn't be so famous and knocked off different wives. On here though?

I feel like it's generally quite hard to be disappointed once you have a baby in your arms, which is why I never found out but maybe I'm wrong!

OP posts:

Dailyhandtowelwash · 09/01/2021 18:48

@Subordinateclause as I posted above, it did happen to my friend (not friend of friend - I know her and her children well).

Juanbablo · 09/01/2021 19:42

I wasn't disappointed but I was surprised that ds1 was a boy because I thought he would be a girl. We found out with dd. Then had another surprise with ds2 but I was so sure he was a boy anyway.

BogRollBOGOF · 09/01/2021 19:52

I didn't find out in advance either time. They grow up into their own person and I was happy to start with neutrals.

DS1, I vaguely caught the word "he" while they rescuitated him and whisked him off to NICU. Not quite the "tada!" moment you hope for.

DS2, they must have said but I just remember being euphoric that I was hugging my freshly born baby. He looked different to his brother.

In pregnancy I joked that a boy was cheap and a girl a novelty, so I win either way.

They're both wonderful little people* and their sex has little to do with that.

Unless I'm in the act of "homeschooling

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Families

Hoowhoowho · 09/01/2021 20:05

Yes with DS I was disappointed he was a boy and it lasted probably a few months. However it was a complex situation. My baby daughter had died at three months the same year he was born, I had severe antenatal depression, bad enough that I’d planned before his birth to abandon him with DH immediately after his birth and I had severe PND

Not sure whether finding out antenatally would have helped or not.

In hindsight I think it was good he was a boy as it distinguished him from DD1 more clearly. I wonder how often gender disappointment is a symptom of depression.

Scotinoz · 09/01/2021 20:27

I didn’t find out with either of our children and it was lovely! Definitely not disappointing.

ILoveAnOwl · 09/01/2021 20:36

Number 1, I was just happy to have a baby (DS) . Number 2 (DD), I remember exactly that my thought process was 'Girl! Great, I don't have to have any more. Damn, we'll have to pay school fees!' We don't have to pay fees for boys, but do for girls. Very odd that my mind went there quite so quickly!

Chimeraforce · 09/01/2021 20:51

We chose not to find out and I was convinced I was having a boy. Shocked to have a girl but grateful for a healthy baby. I was so convinced I was carrying a boy.

goose1964 · 09/01/2021 20:55

No, although it was nice to have a girl last I wouldn't have been disappointed with a boy.

FrenchBoule · 09/01/2021 20:55

@BogRollBOGOF are you me? Very similar experience although DS1 didn’t end up in SCBU but was poorly due to being very overcooked.

DS2 had so many nooks and crannies that I thought he was a girl- until I opened his legs a bit wider and I saw his hairy clackers 😂

FrenchBoule · 09/01/2021 21:05

We were desperate for a baby regardless of what kind,blue or pink,whatever.It would be loved the same.
We got 2 boys. I love them.

I also witnessed some gender disappointment and it’s horrible to watch,felt so sorry for the kids🙁

AbbeyBelfast · 09/01/2021 21:17

@Babdoc

I kept it a surprise both times. I very definitely did not want a boy, (radical feminist) and I worried that if I found out months in advance that one was, I would have built up resentment towards the unfortunate little chap before he arrived! Luckily, I had two girls, both raised as kickass feminists.

Wtf is this shit??

felicitywishdoll · 09/01/2021 21:24

Baby was put straight on my chest after birth and I spent a few moments feeling overwhelmed before even thinking about seeing what the sex was, then we lifted him up to see he was a boy and I really made it special.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 09/01/2021 21:44

My first was a surprise as hospital didn't tell you then and I had an awful birth but still remember hearing my dh voice and him saying we have a boy and was just glad he was ok as I was all prepped for emergency c section , ds2 i found out as could then and regret finding out in some ways as I def preferred the surprise , but I had no real preference

ParisJeTAime · 09/01/2021 21:50

We didn't find out with dc1. I did struggle towards the end of pregnancy. Everyone in our NCT group knew the sex of their babies and I was the only one still referring go dc1 as 'it' instead if he / she. Not a big thing, but a bit irksome at the time. I'd had a traumatic bereavement a year before I gave birth and I think I was a bit anxious. Not knowing the sex I think made that a bit worse.

I had a difficult birth and when they told me it was a girl, she was not breathing and had a very low apgar score. It was not a joyful moment. It was horrific.

With dc2, we found out the sex. I actually wanted to with dc1 but DH didn't. I am a bit annoyed in hindsight that I didn't put my foot down, as for me, it would have been better I think.

ParisJeTAime · 09/01/2021 21:54

I was not disappointed to have a girl though. In fact, if you're asked me truthfully in pregnancy, I'd have said that's what I wanted. Then I had DS second and realised how amazing boys are too. If we ever have another one, which we might do, I truly wouldn't care what we had. They're both amazing.

katienana · 09/01/2021 21:55

I have 2 boys and it was a surprise both times, it really added to the euphoria the second time as it was a much easier birth. I have friends who have been disappointed and dwelt on it before the birth and I think it spoilt pregnancy a bit for them.
The last few months I've been so glad to have 2 boys who get on because most of the time they love playing together. Invaluable!

Norwayreally · 09/01/2021 21:56

No, I’ve never felt disappointed. I’ve had miscarriages discovered at scans so I’m way too anxious about the baby actually being alive in there to even consider the sex. It’s just never been important to me.

happymummy12345 · 09/01/2021 22:36

I'd never find out the sex until the birth as I think it's far nicer to find out when your baby is right there not just on a screen.
I wanted a girl but we had a boy. The first thing I felt was disappointment. I wondered why I didn't have a girl. We knew two other people who were both expecting girls as well which made it harder. My mums hurtful comments about the fact she got the sex she wanted all 3 times didn't help either.
My husband struggled to understand why I felt the way I did. I have to live with the guilt every day, I love my son but I still sometimes wonder why we didn't have a girl.
It's not easy but it does get easier.
There will always be people who don't understand. But unless you've experienced it it's very difficult to understand how it feels.

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