What is the last thing you said?

[Lockdowner35]

"I know we are"

What’s your maths topic?

He’s taking the piss now, I’ll text him.

“How much can I buy with one coin?”

Sounds like a cross between Italian and Welsh.

That's Luke. Single and very nice btw. Just saying.

"Who's that who's just parked in our drive?"

"Oh fucking hell another one"

"Stop it Clover" (to my 21kg spaniel trying to climb over my laptop)

" 'The Two Ronnies of Doom' was funny the first time I heard it but it's not so funny the 50th time"

'Is Kevin the one in charge of the minions?'

'There you go', handing a bagel to DD, but you know when only the last word is audible, so just 'go' weirdly.

Really!

Drive carefully and watch out for water on the roads - to DD who was just heading off to work her care home shift.

Good boy

It's not an headband it's a doctors stethoscope

Please don't get that slime on the rug.

Right, I've SORN it now.

"Gone to voicemail."

Love you poops. But you do smell.
(To my OAP dog when I lifted him into the car after our walk)

It's ok poppet

Yes I think that brock is what they used to call badgers

Arrrgh, no, I don't want your rice up my nose

Toddler is hungry and affectionate

Whaaaa?? You have to be shitting me. In relation to Chris Whitty saying we may have restrictions next winter.

Why are all the lights on

"It's not real. Don't believe that. Do not put your cars in milk"