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Using key worker place for adopted child

106 replies

twoblueskies · 04/01/2021 21:55

Just wanting thoughts and opinions . I have two children youngest age six is adopted . She struggle with friendships and separating from me was awful for years but before COVID she started to settle , then came lockdown and she was home with us . When schools reopened she went back and after a difficult return she settled again and was really enjoying friendships and doing really well and so proud of herself . Now we are back to lockdown I’m aware that we can technically request a school place for her . I don’t work ( I gave up work when we realised that youngest needed more continuity than we could give with me working ) so I can homeschool far easier than most , but I hate to think she is going to slip back again but I know places are scarce and feel uncomfortable taking a place from a keyworker family . Thoughts please

OP posts:
Ormally · 06/01/2021 13:08

Glad to hear that you have taken up the place. I know of 3 others aged between 11 and 17 who have been offered places for the same reason with their schools strongly supportive of the benefits for continuity in their focus and wellbeing. From evidence of the last lockdown this seems to have paid dividends in the case of one of these 3 in particular. In some cases places are not just about the parents' role or commitments.

jessstan1 · 06/01/2021 13:33

I know this thread is about more than adoption and we did have a thread about adoption a while back which was very in-depth and interesting.

However I can't stop thinking about what I have learned on this thread. it is so very, very touching to know that adopted children nowadays do receive a measure of special consideration. In my day there was nothing like it, nobody talked about it. We were adopted and were expected to be glad, that was the end of it. If any of us did have strange feelings, insecurities and longings we kept them to ourselves.

It wasn't until I was well into my teens and had got into all sorts of difficulties aged 14-16, that someone sat me down and explained about the loss and grief - something missing - that I had inevitably felt all my life. It was true too, everything fell into place then. However I could never have articulated any of that to my mum because she would have considered me ungrateful as I was given a 'good home', etc. Not her fault, she wasn't taught about such things and was not by nature an insightful person.

Whilst I do not believe adopted children should be set apart or even referred to as 'my adopted child' in conversation, we do need some special care at times, some more than others, and a lot of understanding. We spent nine months in our biological mother's womb and were then given to someone completely alien. In my case, my parents took me straight from the hospital, bio mother never even saw me let alone touched me. In between I was in the maternity ward nursery and fed by the nurses. That is so harsh.

I thank goodness times have changed. It is so very heartening.

I think those on this thread who have adopted children and shared a bit of their stories, are a-maz-ing.

That's all I'm going to say on the subject now. If there is ever another adoption thread or the old one revived, I will contribute to that as I did before.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/01/2021 13:36

@TT23

But her going to school is going to be nothing like normal school. The kids are still learning remotely and have an adult supervising (usually not their teacher). They aren't having any more fun really than someone doing home learning. It is so far from being a normal school experience.
But the routine of getting up, bfast, uniform, school, play time, lunch, pick up etc. I know a few kids in similar circs who absolutely need even those bones of routine

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

twoblueskies · 06/01/2021 14:01

Thankyou again , especially Jessstan 1 . Your contribution is so insightful , yes undoubtedly children who are adopted are hopefully in a better place than they would be but the primal wound doesn't heal . My older child is biologically mine and I parent differently , many think my younger one is manipulating or demanding whereas I know she is needing . My older child understands this too and on one occasion I found her sleeping on her sisters floor holding her hand when she cried out at night and went to her as I usually did . I can't take away her past hurt but I can consider what she needs now and in the future . I gave up working as wraparound school care was v challenging for her . Despite the sometimes difficult behaviours I admire and love both my children , sorry gushing now and missing her x

OP posts:
twoblueskies · 06/01/2021 14:03

The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child is a book by American author Nancy Verrier published in 1993.

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 06/01/2021 16:16

@twoblueskies

Thankyou again , especially Jessstan 1 . Your contribution is so insightful , yes undoubtedly children who are adopted are hopefully in a better place than they would be but the primal wound doesn't heal . My older child is biologically mine and I parent differently , many think my younger one is manipulating or demanding whereas I know she is needing . My older child understands this too and on one occasion I found her sleeping on her sisters floor holding her hand when she cried out at night and went to her as I usually did . I can't take away her past hurt but I can consider what she needs now and in the future . I gave up working as wraparound school care was v challenging for her . Despite the sometimes difficult behaviours I admire and love both my children , sorry gushing now and missing her x
I think you're great, you're not gushing. Your eldest sounds like a really good big sister. In your place I'd be very proud of both.

I have a copy of 'The Primal Wound', it was given to me by a therapist several years ago and I've read it a couple of times. It all rings true.

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