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Original poster

Using key worker place for adopted child

106 replies

twoblueskies · 04/01/2021 21:55

Just wanting thoughts and opinions . I have two children youngest age six is adopted . She struggle with friendships and separating from me was awful for years but before COVID she started to settle , then came lockdown and she was home with us . When schools reopened she went back and after a difficult return she settled again and was really enjoying friendships and doing really well and so proud of herself . Now we are back to lockdown I’m aware that we can technically request a school place for her . I don’t work ( I gave up work when we realised that youngest needed more continuity than we could give with me working ) so I can homeschool far easier than most , but I hate to think she is going to slip back again but I know places are scarce and feel uncomfortable taking a place from a keyworker family . Thoughts please

OP posts:

OppsUpsSide · 04/01/2021 22:37

You know your DD best, so what you think is best for her. You should also have some leeway to change your mind.
I wouldn’t automatically assume that because she is adopted she will be best of in school.

Original poster

twoblueskies · 04/01/2021 22:38

Ivfbeenbusy , her vulnerability is her previous being in care , structure and routine is v important to her . Yes she is v happy at home but she is not getting to practice social skills with other children and her self esteem is low . Being away from us at home was understandably very difficult for her but she was coming out of that and I. Don’t want her losing confidence again . She was loving school after a very difficult few years . Yes she is ours but having one biological child and one adopted believe me there is a difference in their self awareness and identity

OP posts:

AIMD · 04/01/2021 22:40

@ivfbeenbusy

Genuine question but why does being adopted make her vulnerable when she is in a happy stable and loving home with you? Plus you don't work and can easily Home school? Surely she's not "looked after" in the sense a foster child is - she's "yours" in the same way a biological child would be?

I've not long had a conversation with my hospital midwife that during the last lockdown there were so many people that used "key worker" status or other statuses to obtain a place even when one of them didn't work/WFH that her and her husband (who was a prison officer so Both in very important essential jobs) couldn't get a place.....

Many adopted children have additional needs due to things like attachment difficulties or past trauma. It absolutely makes sense that she would be eligible, especially when she she has already been shown to have struggled with the previous lockdown.

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Families

Love51 · 04/01/2021 22:45

In many schools there isn't a shortage of places. Even if there is, your priority is your DD. Make the decision that you think is best for her. She's been identified as vulnerable therefore she is entitled to a place. The fact that some people might not understand the impact of disrupted attachment in the early years doesn't mean you don't.

eclipse7 · 04/01/2021 22:46

I would take the place if you want it but I'm not sure that the option is that great, really. It's not that secure learning environment with peers that she has been adjusting to now. It's more likely to be supervision at a distance. My extremely secure nephew went in happily to watch movies for a week with a handful of others - but it wasn't school.

Love51 · 04/01/2021 22:48

If the child of a midwife and a prison officer can't get a place in school, either someone is exaggerating or that school need some support from their LA, because they are failing to fulfil a statutory function. That isn't the fault of parents.

Whatwouldscullydo · 04/01/2021 22:50

She has every right to the place. Its her place do you think someone would really give up their place for you? Probably not so don't think you should pass it up for someone else. If someone else is eligible they will get a place too. You take your spot if that's what you feel is bet for ^your" child . You don't need to explain or justify to anyone

Useruseruserusee · 04/01/2021 22:50

@ivfbeenbusy

Any child who has been adopted will have experienced significant trauma. The thresholds for removal are so high.

OP, as a teacher we really want these children in. It’s her place and she is very entitled to it.

willowstar · 04/01/2021 22:50

We are a key worker family. A girl who is adopted was in with my children all through lock down. We know her family and the mum doesn't work, but it never occurred to me that she shouldn't be there. it was the right thing for her to be at school. Do what is right for your daughter.

Sweettea1 · 04/01/2021 22:53

Will your biological child stay home? Will the dc understand why 1 gets togo to school and 1 stays home? That might be a whole other issue. You need todo whats best for the child tho so if school is best then school it is. Structure will be completely different to a normal school day tho.

Chloecoconut · 04/01/2021 22:54

It’s her place - if it will benefit her then use it.

GlowingOrb · 04/01/2021 22:56

If she is eligible and you think it’s the best place for her, claim her space. You can always talk to the school and let them know that if they get into a staffing bind, you have more flexibility than other families.

ivfbeenbusy · 04/01/2021 22:57

There isn't enough space for every child who applies though is there - see another thread running at the moment that all spaces had already gone. So how do schools prioritise them? For me the doctor, midwife, prison officer etc should be prioritised?

Springb0ks · 04/01/2021 22:58

Teacher here. Please, please, please send her in. This is exactly why we are still open and not closed as the media would have you believe. It sounds like you know what is in the very best interests of your child, take the place. Her teachers will be so glad to see her.

Circusoflove · 04/01/2021 22:59

I know a family with an adopted child who was doing well in school with only minor issues for her first 3 years, until the March lockdown when her behaviour really deteriorated to the point she couldn’t go back as she needs more support than they can provide. I would not feel guilty about sending her if it will help her.

Springb0ks · 04/01/2021 23:00

Oh and PS. You are not using a key worker place. It is your child's place that they are allocated as they are vulnerable. Schools are also now also classing any student with poor access to ICT as vulnerable and inviting them into school.

Cherrysoup · 04/01/2021 23:00

If she’ll benefit (and you might too!) then let her take her place, she and you have the right.

willowstar · 04/01/2021 23:00

Oh and it is very different to being in school. My children loved how relaxed it was, how they got to spend time with children of different ages and how the teachers were also more relaxed overall. They didn't do any supported learning, which worried me a lot as it meant they had no education at all for months, but they spent a lot of time outside and were happy which meant a lot to me as I was unable to look after them myself due to being at work (hospital). So, she will probably really like it if it is anything like it is at our school.

OTannenbaum · 04/01/2021 23:11

I’m a GP and a single parent but I’m not sending mine if that makes you feel any better? You can have “my” place 😂 He’s 13 and staying at home by himself as he just doesn’t want to go in if his friends aren’t having to go in, and he works well at home with their online system. And I feel we have enough potential COVID exposure as a family with me being at work! I am sure there will be other keyworker parents not needing their place too.

And like others have said, your child is eligible for a place anyway even if you aren’t a key worker. If she found the last lockdown difficult then I would encourage you to send her in as normal. As others have said on here, the threshold for removing a child from their home and putting them into care in the UK is so high now that she must have had a very difficult past and so will be much more vulnerable to poor mental health etc. And these children can be complex and difficult to sort out once children start going downhill leading to all kinds of intractable difficulties socially and with schooling let alone with mental health, so I think it’s very reasonable to take up this place to keep her on an even keel. I’d definitely send her in if I were in your shoes.

NeurologicallySpeaking · 04/01/2021 23:16

Why would you be taking a place? Schools aren't allocated a certain number of key worker / vulnerable spaces. In theory they have to take all.

In practice if they cannot staff it they may need to be more creative or can pool with other schools. Not sure if anyone actually did that in lockdown 1

notangelinajolie · 04/01/2021 23:21

You aren't taking up someone's place when the place is hers in the first place.

littlefireseverywhere · 04/01/2021 23:34

Send her in as others have said in more detail it’s her place. Good luck!

GloGirl · 04/01/2021 23:39

I would put her in. No question

thebabessavedme · 04/01/2021 23:44

I see no reason why she should not have a place in school, the only difficulty I would worry about is if she was to feel in some way 'less' than your bio child by being sent in, would she see it as being different in your eyes, if going to school makes her happy and keeps her feeling secure then she should go, if she seems upset or expresses being unhappy with the situation then I would think again.

As to her social skills, don't underestimate all that she is learning by just being with a loving family.

june2007 · 04/01/2021 23:45

I don,t think an adoption = vulnarable. having known quite a few adopted children. However if you think your child is vulnarable then talk to the school. (It also very much depends on when they were adopted and what happened prior to adoption. (e were they adopted as a baby , or perhasp a year ago after several moves and abuse?)

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