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Original poster

Using key worker place for adopted child

106 replies

twoblueskies · 04/01/2021 21:55

Just wanting thoughts and opinions . I have two children youngest age six is adopted . She struggle with friendships and separating from me was awful for years but before COVID she started to settle , then came lockdown and she was home with us . When schools reopened she went back and after a difficult return she settled again and was really enjoying friendships and doing really well and so proud of herself . Now we are back to lockdown I’m aware that we can technically request a school place for her . I don’t work ( I gave up work when we realised that youngest needed more continuity than we could give with me working ) so I can homeschool far easier than most , but I hate to think she is going to slip back again but I know places are scarce and feel uncomfortable taking a place from a keyworker family . Thoughts please

OP posts:
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 04/01/2021 23:48

As others have said, you're not taking someone else's place, it's DD's place!

However, that said, my concern would be your adopted daughter going in and your bio child not

My parents friends had serious issues with their adopted child when they were a young adult as she had interpreted things like this (done with the best of intentions) as not being wanted like their bio children were. It was FAR from the truth & not predictable, but she felt less loved & less wanted.

Would they take her sibling as well? Or both part time?

june2007 · 04/01/2021 23:57

I agree treating them differently may cause resentment .

Dogsaresomucheasier · 05/01/2021 00:01

I wouldn’t hesitate to offer her a place as a vulnerable child. If you feel it’s what she needs I don’t think you need to feel guilty about sending her.

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Families
Bambi1222 · 05/01/2021 00:07

thebabessavedme I agree with this being perhaps the biggest problem that she may feel thrown away again. Like you are not all in this situation together. Not a easy decision both have draw backs.

Boohooyouho · 05/01/2021 00:08

My kids were adopted and I didn’t send them in at first during the last lockdown (we are also both key workers, but can work our shifts around each other). When they called some years back after the May half term they called to ask if we’d consider sending them back. They benefited greatly from their time in school and it helped us both to work more effectively. Absolutely send your child in if they qualify for a place. Mine will be in tomorrow and throughout. I spoke to the head and was assured that they are offered a place for a reason

Nat6999 · 05/01/2021 00:11

My ds is going to school, he is 17 this month but qualifies due to pupil premium & being a young carer, he has chosen to go to school as he can't concentrate at home to study. Don't feel guilty, there will be many children in, any child who qualifies for free school meals can go in, at ds school 45% of pupils are on FSM, plus vulnerable pupils & anyone with an EHCP.

june2007 · 05/01/2021 00:15

Nat6999 isn,t this why peple should stay at home if they can? My children could go to school as i work and husband is vulnarable. nd considered carers. But I don,t because hey can stay at home. It,s not going to help closing schools if every parent finds a loop hole.

Bloodybridget · 05/01/2021 03:02

@june2007 OP is not "finding a loophole", that's a pretty offensive comment. Your opinion that adopted children are not vulnerable is completely irrelevant. There's a reason why they are included in the vulnerable category, never mind how many you have known whom you don't consider to be so. OP knows her DD and is trying to make the best decision for her.

Original poster
twoblueskies · 05/01/2021 07:00

Thankyou everyone, all your comments are valid . In reply to some , it’s not finding a loop hole it’s deciding what’s best for her , she was home all lockdown before as I never even enquired and yes she was v happy but separating again was hard for her when she had been doing so well . I thought about how it may seem treating her differently to our older child , but she is 14 and believe me learning at home is not fun I know where she would rather be and 6 year old knows that too . Ive enquired for a place and if she gets one and it doesn’t work after a few weeks I can take her out again knowing that I tried . Thankyou to everyone who responded . Take care and let’s hope this is over sooner rather than later x

OP posts:
jendifer · 05/01/2021 07:20

Definitely go for it. Does she have PEP meetings? I would have a conversation with her PEP Designated teacher and ask.

We are expecting all our LAC or post LAC children in, but are hoping to use some PEP money to offer additional social support for any who aren’t coming in.

fitzbilly · 05/01/2021 07:34

June2007 it doesn't matter what your opinion is. The fact is that adopted children are classed as vulnerable children in the education system. That's why they and other lac have top priority for school admissions too.

Stinkyjellycat · 05/01/2021 07:39

Schools should accept LAC and post-LAC children under the vulnerable category. Pop over to the adoption boards (in ‘Becoming a Parent’) - we are a nice bunch!

Anycrispsleft · 05/01/2021 07:49

All the best to you and your wee girl, OP. These are exactly the sort of reasons that school attendance has been kept open for vulnerable children and I think you should absolutely send her in if you think it will benefit her.

ScrapThatThen · 05/01/2021 08:09

I'd take it in a heartbeat for your dd, it's her place.

CouldBeOuting · 05/01/2021 09:16

I work in school.

Yes you technically are allowed a place but do you really want her in school?

I could insist on a place for my son based on various reasons (not just that I and DH are both key workers) but there is no way he is leaving the house. It isn’t “education” it is basically babysitting with a few organised activities. There isn’t any formal teaching due to the age and ability ranges. Schools are not “safe”. We hear tales of the mixing and other rule breaking from the children who are in school. Yesterday one of ours told me about the big parties their Mum had had for Christmas & New Year before her brother reminded her that Mum had told them not to tell the teachers because they would be cross!

If you are following the rules to protect your DCs health (and yours) then I’d seriously try to stick to home educating.

Original poster
twoblueskies · 05/01/2021 09:54

That's the dilemma - health v education . There have been no recorded cases of COVID in the school since it reopened , there will be less children so transmission will be lower and the school is small , this is guiding my decision towards accepting school place . Thankyou again x

OP posts:
Haenow · 05/01/2021 10:38

OP, your daughter is entitled to a place and you’re not taking away from anyone else. Do what’s right for your family. Flowers

@june2007
Your opinion that all adopted children may not be vulnerable is clearly not rooted in fact, research or professional experience. It’s unhelpful to the OP and you are wrong.

iguanadonna · 05/01/2021 12:15

Do whatever is best for her. You're the best judge of that.

PicaK · 05/01/2021 13:28

Send her in. They're not offering vulnerable kids places for a laugh/charity. But because of need in cases like yours.

Adopted children often have to be parented differently to bio siblings. For their benefit. That's one of the reasons why adopting is no walk in the park.

TeaEgg · 05/01/2021 13:38

@june2007

I don,t think an adoption = vulnarable. having known quite a few adopted children. However if you think your child is vulnarable then talk to the school. (It also very much depends on when they were adopted and what happened prior to adoption. (e were they adopted as a baby , or perhasp a year ago after several moves and abuse?)
Fortunately, your uninformed opinion is completely irrelevant. But thanks for sharing your ideas about exactly how recently traumatised an adopted child would have to be to meet your threshold. Hmm

OP, as virtually everyone else has said, absolutely send her if whatever set-up on offer at school will benefit her more than being at home. You can always change your mind if it turns out to not work well for her.

PicaK · 05/01/2021 14:34

For everyone's information, babies can be adopted days after birth and still be traumatised and vulnerable for the rest of their lives.

junglepie · 05/01/2021 16:23

@twoblueskies

That's the dilemma - health v education . There have been no recorded cases of COVID in the school since it reopened , there will be less children so transmission will be lower and the school is small , this is guiding my decision towards accepting school place . Thankyou again x
I don't actually think it's health V education. It's actually overall wellbeing V Covid risk specifically. Going into school for your dd is about a lot more than education. It is about her emotional and mental well being as well, which actually is part of her overall health! Health is about more than just Covid! Obviously it is for you to judge if the overall benefits to her well being will outweigh the small chance of her contracting Covid (and the even smaller chance of her being unwell with it) but I wouldnt just dismiss it as education v health as I think that isn't quite true. Whatever you decide I hope you and your dd do OK.
AngelsWithSilverWings · 05/01/2021 21:44

You should absolutely take the place if it's offered and if you think it would be the best thing for your DD.

I politely declined the offers of places from my DCs schools as my DD is currently shielding anyway and DS actually flourished during the last lockdown and would hate me to send him to school while everyone else is working from home. If DD wasn't shielding she would be in school as she does not cope well with remote learning.

Both of my DC were taken into care at birth and adopted as young babies but have suffered and been disadvantaged in different ways because of their early life experiences. Adoption does not make all of a child's problems go away.

tldr · 05/01/2021 21:55

If I thought there’d be 2 or 5 or ten children in school, I’d send my (adopted) children, but last go round there were many, many more so I’m keeping them home. Pure numbers game from my POV.

(And if their normal friends aren’t in or they have a different teacher, or their bubble bursts, or.... all additional stresses that my eldest in particular wouldn’t handle well.)

jessstan1 · 05/01/2021 22:05

The fact that she is adopted is irrelevant, she is your daughter. If you are entitled to or can get a keyworker's place and you think that is the best thing for her, do so.