Would you feel hurt by this?

[CostaDelCovid]

Ok here goes nothing....

I had sworn off ever posting a thread on here again due to how people can be these days if you're not 100% perfect! The point of your thread often ends up totally lost. However I really want opinions on this...

(Name changed before anyone assumes I'm new!)

Due to my long term health issues, I'm prescribed Steroids and have limited mobility (although not in need of a wheelchair) and therefore can't do much exercise. As a result, I'm quite overweight. I think I carry it as well as I could and still have a womanly shape but that's by the by. Point is - I'm fat but not overly self conscious about it.

One of my close friends has been going to Slimming World and doing really well. She, in my opinion, didn't need to lose any weight to begin with as she's only size 8-10 (she's mentioned her size herself, I haven't just guessed!) but I realise it's all about how you feel, what you're happy with and I presumed perhaps she has baby weight which affects her confidence? I was fully supportive anyway. Whether she needed to in my opinion is not important, losing weight is still an achievement.
Good on her!

Fast forward to this evening, she's posted one of those "This is why I joined Slimming World" posts with before & after pics. (The before picture is apparently a size 10)

She say's "When I look at the first picture, I feel disgusted...." followed by the usual praise for Slimming World etc which of course is irrelevant.

Disgusted?

Now, I realise she's talking about her own body here and she can feel how she feels without the need to justify it to anyone. However if you know that your friend is much bigger (especially when it's due to severe health issues) would you really post a statement like that? Where you're calling your size 10 body "Disgusting?"

Like I said - Feel however the heck you like about your own body. But if you wouldn't SAY it in front of your overweight friends out of, I dunno, common decency/empathy, then why post it???

I promise I'm not a snowflake. Not a 'professionally offended' type either but I must admit this one cut a bit deep. Does my friend think I'M disgusting???

Presumably she hasn't just sent the before and after photo just to you? If it's on facebook, then lots of people, larger than her and smaller than her, will see it. I don't think she's being intentionally cruel or making a dig at you. She felt too heavy at whatever weight she was and has done something about it. Don't take it personally!

I’m also confused, didn’t she add it on Facebook? So to everyone?

Are you of the opinion as you’re over weight she is not allowed to express her feelings about her own body in case it upsets you?

Oh and yeah I totally respect each person's right to post whatever they like on their very own Facebook profile - totally. I just personally always at least think about those on my friends list and their circumstances before I post ANY opinions. I would HATE to hurt somebody's feelings. It's not how I'm wired. Plus I can't handle drama

Oh gosh, YANBU. Of course you feel the way you do, and you do feel hurt.

To try to present the other side. I have put on a bit of weight this year - COVID lockdown a bit to blame, peri-menopause, whatever.

I have gone up a good dress size. I’m now not a large dress size, but I feel so different. And do feel quite gross. However - I absolutely, categorically do not look around at other people and think anyone my size or bigger looks gross, or overweight, or whatever. It really is 100% about me, and that I just don’t feel like me.

I will also say that never in a million years would I post such a thing on FB. It is ridiculously attention-seeking, reveals real insecurity, and is deeply twattish. Not to mention insensitive.

If I were you, I’d be hiding the ‘friend’. But I do just want to reassure you that I really do doubt that she (or indeed anyone) is looking at you and thinking you’re disgusting.

It sounds like typical social media humble-bragging.

'Here's a picture of me looking tiny ... and here's another picture of me looking even tinier. How enviably teeny-tiny I must be now, to think the first picture looks disgusting '

I've no time at all for attention-seeking like that, and you shouldn't give it any time either.

YANBU I agree with you & also Theoneleggedjocky.

@Bluntness100

I’m also confused, didn’t she add it on Facebook? So to everyone?

Are you of the opinion as you’re over weight she is not allowed to express her feelings about her own body in case it upsets you?

No not quite what I'm saying. I just mean that to go as far as to say she feels 'Disgusting' rather than simply saying she felt unhappy with how she looked. There's a big difference between those two statements.

I'm sure I'm not the only person's whose eyebrows have been raised.

If you met a friend for the day and you were a size 10 and her overweight, would you then start talking about how 'disgusting' you found your size 10 body?
I realise this post wasn't sent to only me, but in her shoes (& body) if I had any number of overweight friends on my friends list, I absolutely would NOT put up a post calling my size 10 body 'disgusting' as I have no desire to hurt my friend's feelings! I love my friends to bits and do not want to hurt them for a moment

I have FB friends who do this and it’s definitely a humble brag.
It’s showing off.
Because WHY would you think that anyone wants to see you’re before and after pics.

Costa - ignore the wide-eyed innocents determined to ignore the entire point of your post.

If you met a friend for the day and you were a size 10 and her overweight, would you then start talking about how 'disgusting' you found your size 10 body?

Gangs different because it’s one on one. Facebook is not.

Also why can’t she express how she feels about her body? If that’s how she feels that’s how she feels. It doesn’t mean she thinks it about yours.

Being fat is disgusting if you’re Waynetta slob who eats crap and lazes about but the majority of people gain weight because of various emotional and or physical issues.

Take no notice of the comment, you know that you’re not Waynetta and put her remark down to freedom of speech and all about her and not aimed at anyone else.

It's just rude though isn't it? Disgusting is very emotive language.
I'm sure it's done without malice, just thoughtlessness. But I can understand why you feel upset about it.

Op, by your logic you should not put anything on Facebook because something could offend someone.,

Look at my her dog. Nope not allowed as someone’s pet just passed.
Love my new hair do. Nope not allowed as someone hates their hair cut.
Me and my new boyfriend. Not allowed becayse someone’s just split up with theirs
Here’s me and my mum. Nope not allowed as someone has just went nc with theirs.
Me and my kids, nope, not allowed as someone is infertile
Me on hols. Nope not allowed as someone can’t afford a holiday.
Me in my new job. Nope not allowed as someone just lost theirs.
My new car, nope not allowed because someone else can’t afford a car
My child’s birthday party. Nope not allowed as someone else’s kid has no friends.

It’s her face book page. The post was not about you. It was about her and her feelings on her body.

I get where you are coming from, OP, and steroids are a bugger for weight gain ( I have personal experience through a close family member).
At the same time, though, I would try not to take it personally:
When you see your friend again, I would say to her 'Oh, I saw your post on FB, well done for feeling better about yourself! I wish I could do that.' If she's any friend at all, she will recognise at some point what you are telling her - and if she doesn't, maybe she is a vacuous idiot after all.

@Bluntness100

If you met a friend for the day and you were a size 10 and her overweight, would you then start talking about how 'disgusting' you found your size 10 body?

Gangs different because it’s one on one. Facebook is not.

Also why can’t she express how she feels about her body? If that’s how she feels that’s how she feels. It doesn’t mean she thinks it about yours.

All sorted now! Who knew actually 'talking' would resolve issues?!

@Bluntness100

Op, by your logic you should not put anything on Facebook because something could offend someone.,

Look at my her dog. Nope not allowed as someone’s pet just passed.
Love my new hair do. Nope not allowed as someone hates their hair cut.
Me and my new boyfriend. Not allowed becayse someone’s just split up with theirs
Here’s me and my mum. Nope not allowed as someone has just went nc with theirs.
Me and my kids, nope, not allowed as someone is infertile
Me on hols. Nope not allowed as someone can’t afford a holiday.
Me in my new job. Nope not allowed as someone just lost theirs.
My new car, nope not allowed because someone else can’t afford a car
My child’s birthday party. Nope not allowed as someone else’s kid has no friends.

It’s her face book page. The post was not about you. It was about her and her feelings on her body.

You have SPECTACULARLY missed the point as usual, Bluntness! 🤣

I know what you mean.

Ok then explain it to me?

In your own word; 'Its all about how you feel, what you're happy with......'

I think to be honest OP it's just hit a nerve with you. You dont sound that happy with your size.

To be disgusted by a photo of her own size 10 body makes me wonder whether she is heading fast towards eating disorder territory.

I thought Bluntness100’s post was excellent!

I must have read your post the same as they did.

Eh. I'm a size 28. I know people think it's disgusting... But I don't hate myself so I just don't worry about what they think.

I don't get it either OP.
I'm way bigger than I used to be and lockdown has added to this. I feel okay in my own body at times, then other times I feel awful and sad.
My closest friend is a size 8-10 (used to be bigger than I was) and constantly talks about how she needs to lose weight and all the things she is doing to lose it. She calls herself fat and gross and disgusting, so I have just realised that she is only comparing herself now to how she was last year when she lost the weight. She has told me she knows what a slippery slope gaining weight can be so as soon as she gains some she panics. And I fully understand!
Don't take it personally and don't over think things.

The analogies posted by Bluntness are not very exact. Here are some closer examples, which better demonstrate what was wrong with the weight loss post.

Look at my her dog. Nope not allowed as someone’s pet just passed.

Look at my bichon frise! Glad I've got a small dog because big dogs are horrible (friend owns Great Dane)

Love my new hair do. Nope not allowed as someone hates their hair cut.

Look at my blonde hair! Glad I went blonde - brown is so dowdy. (friend is brunette).

Me and my new boyfriend. Not allowed because someone’s just split up with theirs

My new boyfriend works in the city - not one of your shelf-stacking wasters (friend's boyfriend stacks shelves).

Here’s me and my mum. Nope not allowed as someone has just went nc with theirs.

Went out with my mum - I spend so much time with her these days, it's almost boring! (friend is estranged from mum)

Me and my kids, nope, not allowed as someone is infertile

My kids are a pain - I sometimes wish I'd never had them (friend infertile).

Me on hols. Nope not allowed as someone can’t afford a holiday.

Here's me on hols in Dubai. Much better than shitty old Cornwall last year. (friend is going to Cornwall)

Me in my new job. Nope not allowed as someone just lost theirs.

Just got a new job. What a pain, I was enjoying lazing round the house. (friend is job seeking).

My new car, nope not allowed because someone else can’t afford a car

Just replaced my ancient old banger! (friend has same car as ancient old banger).

My child’s birthday party. Nope not allowed as someone else’s kid has no friends.

My child's birthday party at the zoo - much better than last year's party at home (friend is having party at home).