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Original poster

Is anyone up I feel at breaking point and overwhelmed with guilt

106 replies

Saylethewayles · 02/01/2021 00:22

Just that really. I feel above everything else that I'm being a shit mother to my 4.5 year old. I'm so snappy with him. He talks constantly and I can't bear it. Today he said mummy so many times that eventually I just went fgs what is it NOW and he burst into tears because all he'd wanted was to give me a cuddle and a kiss. I felt horrendous. His school will now be closed so he will be at home, both dh and I wfh in a flat with no outdoor space and I am also carer to a relative with a chronic illness. I feel I am pouring from an empty cup. I have no energy for work. I can't think of meals or cope with tidying up or cleaning.

I feel overwhelmed and can't see it getting better

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 02/01/2021 00:27

Can you:

have a rota with DH so you get time out
ask for help from family member
form support childcare bubble with a friend
make sure he's getting plenty of time outdoors so he's more relaxed at home

You & DH need to speak to your work and explain you need to look after DS from home next couple of weeks. It's not possible to both work a full day while looking after a 4 year old. So bosses need to agree to a rota of sorts. One of you need to take him out while the other works. Scooter or bike ride. Take a flask of hot choc.

converseandjeans · 02/01/2021 00:28

Also can either of you ask to drop to say 4 days a week?

Original poster

Saylethewayles · 02/01/2021 00:33

I'm already part time so I'm even more pathetic really

DH is full time (and the main earner by about a million quid- exaggeration but you know) and his employers are great but I still have to do the bulk due to the fact I am part time

OP posts:

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BashfulClam · 02/01/2021 00:33

You need to take a deep breath before snapping at him. Think how that must have felt for a little child, I’m sorry you feel overwhelmed but don’t take that out on a child. My dad had no patience and that kind of snapping has affected both me and my brother later in life. I have no confidence and cannot stand up for myself for fear of making people angry.

theThreeofWeevils · 02/01/2021 00:34

Oh you poor thing.
Snapping at a child once won't damage him for life, so he'll be fine. Don't beat yourself up with guilt. Give him a hug and tell him you get tired sometimes too. Your DH needs to step in to ensure you get some clear 'you' time each day. Which doesn't sound like much, I know..
Hope you feel better about things tomorrow.

Original poster

Saylethewayles · 02/01/2021 00:34

BashfulClam

Well thats made me feel even better thanks so much

I KNOW how that must have felt for him, why do you think I posted

I hate myself already

OP posts:

Original poster

Saylethewayles · 02/01/2021 00:35

Give him a hug and tell him you get tired sometimes too.

That's just what I did, I sat him down and said mummy was wrong to shout, mummy just gets tired and sad sometimes but I always love him very much

OP posts:

Original poster

Saylethewayles · 02/01/2021 00:37

I am limited with childcare bubbles because of caring for my ECV relative, I can't risk giving them covid

OP posts:

TheSilveryPussycat · 02/01/2021 00:38

So did you have a kiss and a cuddle?
You are only human, and it's ok for your DC to have seen you acting like one, provided you said sorry and reassured them.
Slightly different, but at various points in my DC's childhoods I had depression and felt guilty having to tell them "Mummy is just a bit sad at the moment. I'll feel better soon." They have grown up into lovely adults anyway.

Re all the rest: I have no advice but it's no wonder you feel overwhelmed. All I can do is send you strength and best wishes.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 02/01/2021 00:39

@BashfulClam

Oh fgs I'm sure the OP doesn't make a habit of it. Calm yourself.

OP there's nothing wrong with telling a child to be quite and give you some peace for a while. Next time do it before you get to breaking point. Nothing wrong with telling a child to go and play and give you so time alone. They can't have constant attention.

Original poster

Saylethewayles · 02/01/2021 00:40

So did you have a kiss and a cuddle?

Yes immediately, i felt terrible

OP posts:

Patienceisvirtuous · 02/01/2021 00:40

Get some fresh air with him each day. Even if raining.

Could he have a little nap in the afternoon? A break for you both.

I try to watch a nice film with DS each day too. Invest in Netflix if you can afford it.

Also - do the bare minimum housework to keep things ticking over until this is all over. Could DH take on more chores?

Try to be patient with little one, you’re his world x

Original poster

Saylethewayles · 02/01/2021 00:40

I just couldn't cope with the constant talking. I do have some sensory issues so that plays into it

OP posts:

TheSilveryPussycat · 02/01/2021 00:41

Cross posted with all the PP...

Happylittlethoughts · 02/01/2021 00:41

Bashful clam . Get a grip!
You snapped once, it'll be fine. Honestly. You are not a bad Mum 💗
I don't have any great solutions. Maybe a small, very small loan of action . Just know that you're actually doing great x

Original poster

Saylethewayles · 02/01/2021 00:42

He's too old for a nap, he wouldn't go to bed at night

Try to be patient with little one, you’re his world

I know this is well meaning but you have no idea how awful this makes me feel. I am trying. I am trying my best every single day.

OP posts:

wheretoyougonow · 02/01/2021 00:42

Many of us have been where you are. Firstly one bad day and snapping will not have a life long effect on your child. Write it off as a bad day and forgive yourself. Maybe tomorrow apologise for snapping if appropriate.
You sound shattered. Every now and then I give myself a 'mental day off'. I stay in my pjs with the children. We watch rubbish tv under snuggle blankets and get a take away/easy dinner. I do no housework. I turn off my phone so no one can message me. It works wonders for me.

You have my sympathy though. I have a very chatty child and they are lovely but exhausting

Je551ca · 02/01/2021 00:46

@BashfulClam

I think she knows that. We all have these moments and the guilt is enough without other mums piling it on

Original poster

Saylethewayles · 02/01/2021 00:48

I apologised immediately for snapping and gave him a cuddle. We have lots of cuddles and an affectionate relationship. Its just that when I am overwhelmed my patience is the first thing to go.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2021 00:49

Op, is it possible for you to quit your job until the world settles down a bit?

NeverRTFT · 02/01/2021 00:50

My DC are a bit older now but when my DS was that age it was the same. Always saying mummy. Always wanted hugs and holds. So loving and beautiful, and yet so draining, especially when you are also working, earning, caring for others. Keeping house. All of it.
I too have snapped, and apologised and cuddled it out. I can't offer you a magic solution but I can tell you that you are not alone, that you need to be kind to yourself about it and move on, and they it gets easier in time.
Everyone is under strain. None of us are our best selves now.
You need a coping strategy for when you feel like snapping. A deep breath as already suggested is a good one. Google has more. If you have time for 10 min mindfulness each day, that's something a lot of people find helpful in regulating emotions.
You know this isn't the mum you want to be. It was a momentary lapse. It's not a pattern. You're allowed to make mistakes

BashfulClam · 02/01/2021 00:50

I’m being realistic. This is a 4 year old and yes the OP is bloody shattered but snapping at him to the point it made him cry isn’t helping him or her. He feels scared and she feels like shite. It’s made everything worse for her. If you feel like that you need to take control of your impatience and remember that being snappy hurt and upset both of you. I remember that feeling! Can you ask your GP for help, is there a care plan in place for the relative you help? I think you need help in so s way as you can’t keep going like this feeling trapped with too much to handle

Original poster

Saylethewayles · 02/01/2021 00:54

This is a 4 year old and yes the OP is bloody shattered but snapping at him to the point it made him cry isn’t helping him or her. He feels scared and she feels like shite.

You are speaking like l dont know that when that's literally the reason I've posted.

Please. You arnet helping.

OP posts:

Patienceisvirtuous · 02/01/2021 00:54

My DS is too old for a nap too but I take the hit some days, to break the day up. Then I have a later night with him. It’s hard either way but sometimes I gave a nap with him and it makes things a little better.

Sorry I made you feel awful. I have a very talkative, very strong willed and energetic 3.5 year old. I struggle badly with my mental health. I’m frayed quite a lot throughout the day and I suppose it’s the advice I give myself each day too. (I have snapped a few times too and feel like shit about it still :( )

Onedropbeat · 02/01/2021 00:54

I snapped today too
I hate myself for it

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