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I found a stash of letters from a boyfriend in 1993

91 replies

VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 18:31

And I’m affronted on behalf of my 18 year old self all over again. At first I was charmed by the quaintness of actual letters - it seemed so Victorian! How sweet! But. Reading through them took me right back, and not in a good way.

Such arrogance; the letters are filled with tales of how strangers kept telling him how handsome he was, and how all the other students at his college were fools, and people he met through his part time job were idiots. He was superior to everyone around him.

Lots of poetry and philosophical quotes, and postcards of Botticelli and cathedrals. He missed me and was saving every penny to visit (I was at uni at the other end of the country), although he was being taken to court for not paying the poll tax.

But meanwhile, I needed to know that the girl he sat next to at college kept touching him, and that a terribly attractive older woman on a bus had propositioned him.

In March he was full of how much he was falling for me. He had wanted to tell me on my last visit, but couldn’t. He will hitch hike down soon.

In May, out of the blue, there’s an envelope with ‘please open in private’ written on the back. That letter broke my heart.

In June there’s a patronising letter telling me he didn’t need an accusatory monologous letter, and tells me I was wrong to accuse him of being insensitive, and informs me that I am self centred and ‘inexperienced’. But let’s be friends.

In July he is jovial and chatty, hopes I haven’t fallen out with him as he senses hostility, and asks ‘Do write’. (Clearly I hadn’t replied to the July horror show. Good! Well done 18 year old Venus. High Five. I can remember that heartbreak).

In September he tells me how lovely I looked when we met up that evening, and recalls his lips ‘awkwardly brushing my soft cheek in a moment that spoke volumes’.

In October he informs me he has met someone else, but fears she is too much for him to handle. Do write, he adds.

And there a year of letters end.

It’s hard now to imagine a world of long distance romance by letters. It makes me feel old, that the world has changed so much.

Anyone else kept old letters, and found any corkers?

OP posts:
BlackForestCake · 01/01/2021 18:55

I shredded all mine when I moved house. I found I couldn't bear to read them again, and what's the point of keeping them then, as I don't want anyone else reading them when I'm gone either?

peridito · 01/01/2021 18:58

Yes I kept some old letters . Different from yours .The sweetest ,most unselfish guy .

I've recently been back in touch ,half a century later .He remains unselfish ,still as loving . Despite the troubles he's had . Amazing.

FoldenHoard · 01/01/2021 19:01

Where was he from, 1883? What a drip he sounds.

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DrMadelineMaxwell · 01/01/2021 19:10

I met Dh when I was 17 and he wrote me letters while at work for me to read each day. Very cute.
Full of heart felt 'can't wait to see you in 2 hours time later.

All written in Prince speak as he was a huge Prince fan. 'Luv 2 u. C u l8r.'

Pre mobile phone ownership.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 01/01/2021 19:10

I've still got them all...about 100 of them. Nothing interesting to report sadly.

MrsGrindah · 01/01/2021 19:13

My BF once turned up at my house ( I was 20 and still lived at home) at 10pm to hand deliver a love letter. My parents were Shock. It was a lovely letter about how wonderful our future life together would be.

Sadly I married him and he turned out to be a twat.

HyggeTygge · 01/01/2021 19:14

Oh what a find, OP! Do you know what he's doing now?
I think I've only got letters from dh and we can barely bring ourselves to read them, but we are equally embarrassed by ourselves! Dh was only ever very sweet.

SandysMam · 01/01/2021 19:19

@MrsGrindah I’m sorry you married a twat but that really made me laugh Grin great thread OP!!

Baz Lurman’s sunscreen song (one of my all time faves) says “keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements”. It’s sad that love letters are probably a thing of the past now!

MrsGrindah · 01/01/2021 19:22

@SandysMam I’m happy to report I struck gold second time around!

EndoplasmicReticulum · 01/01/2021 19:27

I've got some somewhere, from 1992 I went to a different uni, was hard to keep in touch as long queues for the payphone in halls. His letters were mostly nonsense and doodles though.

VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 19:29

@HyggeTygge

Oh what a find, OP! Do you know what he's doing now? I think I've only got letters from dh and we can barely bring ourselves to read them, but we are equally embarrassed by ourselves! Dh was only ever very sweet.
We actually got back together again five years later. I was over the moon because I’d never got over him, although I’d had other relationships in the interim. But I quickly realised he was an utter twat. The scales fell from my eyes and I was released from five years of pining. It was very liberating.

I googled him a decade or so ago and he was working overseas, married with kids. His devastating good looks had faded. Grin

OP posts:
sandandso · 01/01/2021 19:32

@HyggeTygge

Oh what a find, OP! Do you know what he's doing now? I think I've only got letters from dh and we can barely bring ourselves to read them, but we are equally embarrassed by ourselves! Dh was only ever very sweet.
I also want to know what he's doing now! I want to know what kind of middle-aged man springs from this kind of young twat! I feel for you, first heartbreak.
sandandso · 01/01/2021 19:33

Oh well done @VenusClapTrap, cross posted.

VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 19:33

It’s sad that love letters are probably a thing of the past now!

I agree. A comment up thread asked if he was from 1883; but actually it was fairly normal back then to write letters. Few people had mobile phones (certainly not students anyway) and it was before email became a thing.

But it seems SO old fashioned now, doesn’t it?

OP posts:
BestIsWest · 01/01/2021 19:34

Not a boyfriend but I kept the ones my best friend sent me when we were at uni in the early 1980s. They were full of bands she’d seen, nights out, clothes she’d bought, boys she’d shagged. They were hilarious and took me straight back to being 19 again. I re-read them all a few years ago then parcelled them up and sent them to her for her 50th.

bushhbb · 01/01/2021 19:35

@BestIsWest

Not a boyfriend but I kept the ones my best friend sent me when we were at uni in the early 1980s. They were full of bands she’d seen, nights out, clothes she’d bought, boys she’d shagged. They were hilarious and took me straight back to being 19 again. I re-read them all a few years ago then parcelled them up and sent them to her for her 50th.
This is sweet, I love that!
lionobserving · 01/01/2021 19:40

@FoldenHoard

Where was he from, 1883? What a drip he sounds.
Grin and OP by the effort at whimsical writing
MoltenLasagne · 01/01/2021 19:40

I have letters from my grandma that she sent me every month from when I was small through to uni, they're lovely.

I've also got my diaries I kept as a teenager. Distinctly less lovely!

bugaboo218 · 01/01/2021 19:43

I have kept some letters from my first love from 1992/1993 alongside the mix love tape he made me.

It all seems so old fashioned now, but I look back with that care free time in my life with fondness.

The twat broke my heart back in early 1994!

shreddednips · 01/01/2021 19:43

An amazing find OP! I found some old emails recently that a boyfriend sent me when I was about 14. He told me he was a male model and sent me photoshopped pictures of himself wearing Matrix-style sunglasses and a long trench coat superimposed next to a bottle of Calvin Klein One. One of the others was him next to a Lamborghini, it was all very perplexing. But they gave me a good laugh 😆

Blibbyblobby · 01/01/2021 19:50

My mum has been writing to me regularly since I left home in 1993, with a letter every couple of months. I'm keeping them all to re-read when she's gone.

Thismustbelove · 01/01/2021 19:51

Ah yes the love letters. I kept some of mine but haven’t read them for many years.

Quoting poetry was something we all did, to show how sensitive we were. I have memories of quoting singer songwriter lyrics of people like Dido because I truly believed her music summed up exactly how I was feeling. I wasn’t beyond quoting high school Shakespeare in a following paragraph.

A journal would have been a much better idea in hindsight!

I really hope the recipients of my letters burned them!!!!

Blibbyblobby · 01/01/2021 19:51

My DH was already my boyfriend when I went to uni so we have each other's letters from that time still. He also has a little notebook that I was keeping for him with thoughts, keepsakes and drawings in.

elp30 · 01/01/2021 19:58

I am from the US and in my teenage years, had loads of pen pals. I wrote to two specifically from 1986 to 1993. One was from Greece and the other from England.

The Greek one came to the US on a school-sponsored trip but took time out to visit me for one day. It was "memorable".

I met the English one in 1993 and started a long-distance relationship and married him in 1996.

Thanks to the Internet in 2000, I found the Greek man and we've been in touch since then. It's nice to know that he's a very nice and respectful family man and he's become a good friend over the many years.

I was decluttering my box of mementos recently and found both their many letters. They've accompanied me through the past 35 years and my many house moves from city to city, state to state, country to country. There was an awkward moment when my husband saw the letter from the Greek man and learned about how we had met back in the late '80's. I had never felt the need to tell him about that so he wasn't too happy.

I suppose I kept them all to remind me of what it was like to be young.

I chose to shred them all last night.

It was definitely time.

VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 19:59

@BestIsWest that is lovely. Your friend must have been really touched.

@Blibbyblobby and @MoltenLasagne I wish I had letters from my mum or grandma. That is indeed something to treasure.

OP posts: