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I found a stash of letters from a boyfriend in 1993

91 replies

VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 18:31

And I’m affronted on behalf of my 18 year old self all over again. At first I was charmed by the quaintness of actual letters - it seemed so Victorian! How sweet! But. Reading through them took me right back, and not in a good way.

Such arrogance; the letters are filled with tales of how strangers kept telling him how handsome he was, and how all the other students at his college were fools, and people he met through his part time job were idiots. He was superior to everyone around him.

Lots of poetry and philosophical quotes, and postcards of Botticelli and cathedrals. He missed me and was saving every penny to visit (I was at uni at the other end of the country), although he was being taken to court for not paying the poll tax.

But meanwhile, I needed to know that the girl he sat next to at college kept touching him, and that a terribly attractive older woman on a bus had propositioned him.

In March he was full of how much he was falling for me. He had wanted to tell me on my last visit, but couldn’t. He will hitch hike down soon.

In May, out of the blue, there’s an envelope with ‘please open in private’ written on the back. That letter broke my heart.

In June there’s a patronising letter telling me he didn’t need an accusatory monologous letter, and tells me I was wrong to accuse him of being insensitive, and informs me that I am self centred and ‘inexperienced’. But let’s be friends.

In July he is jovial and chatty, hopes I haven’t fallen out with him as he senses hostility, and asks ‘Do write’. (Clearly I hadn’t replied to the July horror show. Good! Well done 18 year old Venus. High Five. I can remember that heartbreak).

In September he tells me how lovely I looked when we met up that evening, and recalls his lips ‘awkwardly brushing my soft cheek in a moment that spoke volumes’.

In October he informs me he has met someone else, but fears she is too much for him to handle. Do write, he adds.

And there a year of letters end.

It’s hard now to imagine a world of long distance romance by letters. It makes me feel old, that the world has changed so much.

Anyone else kept old letters, and found any corkers?

OP posts:
peridito · 01/01/2021 20:05

I don't know about Dido ( I'm too old ) or what exactly high school Shakespeare is but...nothing wrong with quoting Shakespeare Grin

In fact I recently quoted some myself to the man who wrote to me back in the 1970's ,

BigSandyBalls2015 · 01/01/2021 20:09

I’ve got letters in the loft from my first love back in the mid 80s when I was 16. I need to dust them down after reading this, maybe I’ll view them differently now!

I’ve also got loads of letters and postcards from my best friend when she went travelling for a year. This was in our early/mid 20s.

I do think it’s a shame my DDs won’t have stuff like this to look back on.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 01/01/2021 20:11

God I forgot about letters my mum used to write when I was at brownie/guide/school camp .... she used to make stuff up, like the neighbour was expecting triplets .... bizarre. God bless her 🤣

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ToffeeNotCoffee · 01/01/2021 20:13

I've got the love letters my fiancée now husband sent me when he was on a long distance overlanding trip28 years ago. In the future, after I've died, I'd like them to be with me in my coffin when I am cremated.

A few years ago I found the letters that my then soldier boyfriend sent to me when he was away on a posting back in the very early nineties. On reading them in the cold light of day, so to speak, I realised how much I wasn't 'listening.' He was trying to tell me things about himself that I dismissed because it didn't suit my narrative.

We couldn't relate to each other in the end. I didn't and still don't know what he wanted. No hard feelings on either side. He once remarked on the Julio Iglesias song, 'To all the girls I've loved before' was that a hint, I wondered. I think of that song sometimes and do I hear his farewell ?

He got engaged to the girlfriend he dated after me. That didn't work out either. I suspect he doesn't have a relationship with the mother of his child he had nearly thirty years ago either. He's not a bad bloke, just sceptical of women and relationships and I know why.

Procrastatron · 01/01/2021 20:16

Oh gosh this has given me flash backs. Not letters as we (just recently) had mobiles but uni boyfriend with similar traits. He chased me to go out with him, but then used to tell me how he’d had opportunity to cheat with a Denise Richards look alike but didn’t... but could. He also thought very highly of himself and his intelligence.
My mum commented on a photo of him and his supercilious smile once (can’t remember the context as she isn’t mean) . I was outraged but of course she was bang on.
No idea what he is up to now, could easily find out but don’t care... it’s a great feeling

eenymeenymineymo · 01/01/2021 20:17

After my Dad passed away my Mum was sorting through his desk of "stuff" & found about 5 letters written to him from both of his parents after the end of WW2. Dad was back in NZ after his war service but working away from his family home area; the letters are just family news & things - but I never knew my grandparents as both died around this time & before my parents married etc etc. So, so lovely to see their writings, sweet nicknames for my Dad. Very special

FayKnights · 01/01/2021 20:17

Just glad you didn’t end that OP with ‘reader I married him’ Grin

Cocolapew · 01/01/2021 20:19

Not letters but I recently discovered a mix tape that my ex made me 😆 must have been around 1989.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/01/2021 20:20

A comment up thread asked if he was from 1883; but actually it was fairly normal back then to write letters.

I think the comment was specifically about old BF's writing style which is sooo cringey ('awkwardly brushing my soft cheek in a moment that spoke volumes' 🤮)

You're totally right about letters - really common in my university years (1993 - 1996). No one had mobiles, or email. So we wrote - friends did during the summer, as well as boyfriends. I have my letters from my really immature & shitty BF throughout college. I haven't re-read but I can remember the absolute joy at receiving them & reading them. He rarely said anything at all about me; they were long, long letters about himself, and often exercises in creative writing with him re-imagined as some central character in a story. (What was I thinking?!?)

EarringsandLipstick · 01/01/2021 20:21

@lionobserving

and OP by the effort at whimsical writing

Nasty 😦

BalloonSlayer · 01/01/2021 20:23

Love the demand that letters are not so "monalogous" hahahahahaa bless his dim little heart.

supersplodge · 01/01/2021 20:23

Never had any from BFs but found some from old boarding school friends a while back (circa 1980/82) and it took me right back. Lovely to read - a few funny refs to then boyfriends but otherwise not really cringey at all. Glad I couldn't see mine to them though......Grin!

We meet up from time to time so I returned them. It felt right - and hopefully led to some gentle amusement and nostalgia.

I hope OP that you still have contact details for your prat BF? If so you need to send them back to him (or photocopies) and he will either cringe at his awful pretentious prattishness, or smirk and think how cool he was even back then.....Wink! Do it!

NovemberR · 01/01/2021 20:24

I threw mine out, probably 20 years ago now, in my 30s.

I had a long distance relationship with a bf who went off to uni - it lasted two years and we wrote constantly - and it broke my heart when he broke it off very suddenly and vanished from my life. I've no idea what happened to him.

I also had a romance with a German boy who'd been on a two week exchange visit when I was in the 6th form. We got on so well, and then got together romantically in the last week (he was staying with a friend) - but the sensible two geeky boys who were staying with us kept telling me disapprovingly that he was the class clown/popular which made me wary.

However, he wrote to me (and I wrote back) for a year! And then he arrived back in England to stay with his uncle in London and rang me up out of the blue in the summer holidays (we lived in the North) and begged me to come down and stay with them. I panicked and said I couldn't and I think it just petered out after that.

I wish I'd kept the letters now perhaps to re-read - and I often wonder if he was actually quite serious about me and I broke his heart. I did really like him a lot but was afraid of being hurt and was very young. (17).

NovemberR · 01/01/2021 20:25

Mine were from the early 1980s so a very long time ago now...

iklboo · 01/01/2021 20:28

Christ almighty he sounds like he thought he was Byron. I'm picturing Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen hair, pastel jumper round his shoulders & smoking French cigarettes to show how sophisticated he was.

VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 20:32

I think the comment was specifically about old BF's writing style which is sooo cringey ('awkwardly brushing my soft cheek in a moment that spoke volumes' 🤮)

Oh right! Yes I totally fell for all that shite back then. He was silver tongued, that one. Highly amusing looking back.

OP posts:
IloveZoflora · 01/01/2021 20:35

His name isn't Neil is it? 🤣🤣🤣

katienana · 01/01/2021 20:35

I still have a letter from my best friend written in 1993 when I'd gone abroad for a few months. It informs me that we have to sit boy girl in the classroom and are all getting a fountain pen to write with!

VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 20:43

I hope OP that you still have contact details for your prat BF? If so you need to send them back to him (or photocopies) and he will either cringe at his awful pretentious prattishness, or smirk and think how cool he was even back then.....wink! Do it!

No contact details now but I couldn’t have him know I’d kept the letters - it would flatter his ego no end!

Not called Neil, no!

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 20:44

@iklboo

Christ almighty he sounds like he thought he was Byron. I'm picturing Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen hair, pastel jumper round his shoulders & smoking French cigarettes to show how sophisticated he was.
You clearly met him then Grin
OP posts:
MrsIronfoundersson · 01/01/2021 20:45

When I met now-DH in the late 80s, he was away at college and we wrote to each other a lot. I have a big archive box of old cards etc, tidied it out recently and binned a lot but I haven't been able to re-read my late mother's letters yet, that's for another day.

VenusInfers · 01/01/2021 21:06

I used to write dozens of letters when I was at uni in the early 90’s, some to people I don’t even remember now. Kept all the replies in 3 heaving arch lever files. Got through loads of stamps etc. In hindsight, my subsequent ‘disappointing’ grade makes FAR more sense! Grin

During lockdown 1 I went through the lot, no lovely/cringey boyfriend letters, but several v embarrassing ones from the pen pal I got via Dr Who magazine when I was 15. He lived in (safely distant) Australia so I pretended that I was a boy, to try and understand the male psyche more. Or something. Turns out Sci Fi nerds talk about the same things regardless of gender. So no useful info gained.

Did enjoy re-reading the rest though and sent some of the most interesting ones back to their authors. Smile

RollOnForever · 01/01/2021 21:15

I had letters from when I was a teenager in the mid-late 90s. Probably more like evidence for court looking back at who sent them Confused looking back they were so cringe.

I also have loads of emails from the early naughties and my absolute favourites are from my mate who traveled all over Europe and America working in holiday camps etc, shagging everyone, involved in every but of scandal and outrage going and then moving on. I was living with family and studying law at the time and was so, so jealous. Grin

I actually write a few letters each year to my children and seal them up for when they are adults. It's probably cringey gibberish but I wanted to give them a small sense of their childhood through my eyes, as well as reiterating and emphasising how much I love and cherish them and what they've brought to my life.

ladycarlotta · 01/01/2021 21:21

I have a huge box of the letters my grandparents sent to one another while they were courting, right up to their wedding.

They are so fucking boring. Like you wouldn't believe. It's literally the same letter 300 times over, 'I miss you so much/can't wait to see you again/keep thinking about you/imagine when we get married' and generic soppy nonsense blah blah blah for two years.

I can't bring myself to get rid of them as that seems awful. But seriously my grandparents were far more interesting, loving, generous, unusual people than those letters make out. They could have been written by anyone.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/01/2021 21:27

@RollOnForever

I actually write a few letters each year to my children and seal them up for when they are adults. It's probably cringey gibberish but I wanted to give them a small sense of their childhood through my eyes, as well as reiterating and emphasising how much I love and cherish them and what they've brought to my life.

That's lovely. I do this a bit, but not as often as I should. Adding to the list for 2021!