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I found a stash of letters from a boyfriend in 1993

91 replies

VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 18:31

And I’m affronted on behalf of my 18 year old self all over again. At first I was charmed by the quaintness of actual letters - it seemed so Victorian! How sweet! But. Reading through them took me right back, and not in a good way.

Such arrogance; the letters are filled with tales of how strangers kept telling him how handsome he was, and how all the other students at his college were fools, and people he met through his part time job were idiots. He was superior to everyone around him.

Lots of poetry and philosophical quotes, and postcards of Botticelli and cathedrals. He missed me and was saving every penny to visit (I was at uni at the other end of the country), although he was being taken to court for not paying the poll tax.

But meanwhile, I needed to know that the girl he sat next to at college kept touching him, and that a terribly attractive older woman on a bus had propositioned him.

In March he was full of how much he was falling for me. He had wanted to tell me on my last visit, but couldn’t. He will hitch hike down soon.

In May, out of the blue, there’s an envelope with ‘please open in private’ written on the back. That letter broke my heart.

In June there’s a patronising letter telling me he didn’t need an accusatory monologous letter, and tells me I was wrong to accuse him of being insensitive, and informs me that I am self centred and ‘inexperienced’. But let’s be friends.

In July he is jovial and chatty, hopes I haven’t fallen out with him as he senses hostility, and asks ‘Do write’. (Clearly I hadn’t replied to the July horror show. Good! Well done 18 year old Venus. High Five. I can remember that heartbreak).

In September he tells me how lovely I looked when we met up that evening, and recalls his lips ‘awkwardly brushing my soft cheek in a moment that spoke volumes’.

In October he informs me he has met someone else, but fears she is too much for him to handle. Do write, he adds.

And there a year of letters end.

It’s hard now to imagine a world of long distance romance by letters. It makes me feel old, that the world has changed so much.

Anyone else kept old letters, and found any corkers?

OP posts:
StillSmallVoice · 01/01/2021 21:52

I had a bunch from the early eighties. Having discovered Mumsnet over the last couple years I realise they were an early version of love bombing, and it took more than twenty years to escape the abusive, destructive marriage.

Did though. Have been happily married to someone lovely for ten years, but only found the letters when having a furloughed sort out earlier this year. Safely shredded.

Arthersleep · 01/01/2021 21:54

I have indeed recently unearthed several letters aged 15-16. The first was in response to one that I sent (to a gorgeous boy that I met/snogged/groped at a private boarding school disco). I had obviously written a scintillating letter to him, outlining my hobbies, interests, number of pets (mostly rabbits and a horse) and their names etc. His response thanked me for such an interesting letter and said how nice it was to learn all about my pets. He said that I sounded very interesting and that he thought that he was falling in love with me. He then added that, although he also liked horses, he was unable to ride because all that jiggling about aggravated the rash on his bollocks. His nickname was 'Flakey' he told me, as he had bad eczema and got teased by the other boys at school.

So, I did what any love struck teenage girl would. Swooned! And after that, embarked upon some practicalities and posted off another romantic letter accompanied by a tube of E45 cream! I also thanked him for his lovely letter.

A week later I received another letter.... Dear Arthur, he said, he was very surprised to learn that I had received a letter from him as this was his first one. He then discovered that his room mates had unearthed my first letter and decided to write to me pretending to be him. He told me that everything written in that first letter to me was BULLSHIT!! Complete and utter Bullshit!!

I met him once more after that. And whilst we lay on his parents sofa snogging and groping for hours, whilst his dog tried to climb aboard and periodically hump me, I fear that the awkwardness around the initial letters hindered the romance and he was just too embarrassed to continue dating me. And that's what I told myself. If only his friends hadn't revealed his skin conditions to me all would have been well. We would have gone steady, made love in the long grass whilst out horseriding with a picnic. He would have proposed and we would have got married!!!

It was only when I unearthed the letters a couple of weeks ago that I lay howling with laughter at my gullibility and letter to him naming my rabbits!!

Arthersleep · 01/01/2021 21:55

If you've not seen it already, you would all love 'Mortified' on Netflix!! Adults read out extracts from their childhood diaries. Hilarious!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dowser · 01/01/2021 22:02

Sounds a prentious up himself twat
You dodged a bullet there

Carouselfish · 01/01/2021 22:17

Yes, keep all mine and the emails. All very melodramatic and I wasted a lot of my youth on these men. I hope maybe my daughters will read them and not make the same mistakes but also because some of them are proof of really being loved and loving interspersed with the grand high tortures.

Carouselfish · 01/01/2021 22:21

I also once put huge effort into sending a letter, poems, photos in a care parcel to my bf who was traveling South America at the time, he was supposed to pass through a town and pick it up at the post office. His travel plans changed and he never did. I often wonder what became of it/will become of it and if anyone will ever read it all. I hope so.

sunnysidegold · 01/01/2021 22:24

Great thread op!

I kept all letters from teenage boyfriends but then ceremoniously burned the ones from a total dickhead. Kind of wish I'd kept them.

The ones from my first boyfriend were lovely - he was quite the poet Hmm and also....pornographer as there are some rather interesting short stories included.

At uni (late 90s) I wrote letters to everyone and loved getting replies. My granny write to me every month with a fiver in it for sweeties. She would write about what she was making for dinner that night and all the local gossip. She has dementia now and I really love having the reminder of what she was like.

I also write to my children as a pp does. I buy a biggish card to then for birthdays and Christmas and just wrote about what they're up to. Who their friends are, what they're interested in. I looked back at some a while ago and they made me feel really emotional.

I think I might go for a hunt in the attic this weekend and reminisce!

Arthersleep · 01/01/2021 22:27

My sister also had a French penpal whilst at school for years. A lovely girl by the name of Fabrice. They sent each other letters regularly along with little gifts for birthdays and Christmas. Nice girly stuff...scented note paper, soap, earrings etc. And my sister, at her request, sent her photos of herself.

Years later, and in her final year of Uni, Fabrice announced that she was coming to the UK and would love to meet my sister. So of course my sister invited her to stay for a few days. She could either sleep on her floor or they could share her double bed, she told her. Yes, of course she was sure. She didn't mind sharing a bed etc.

My sister shared a house with several male housemates, whom, in a state of excitement at the prospect of having a young French lady to stay, had cleaned the house top to bottom and ensured that they were well presented.

Meanwhile, my sister drove to the station to fetch her. She was stood on the platform looking out for her, when a large burley bloke approached her and kissed her on both cheeks!!! And that was how she found out that Fabrice, was not, as she had assumed, female!! All these years she'd been sending him little bars of soap, trinkets and earrings!! She'd never actually received a photo of him; just sent lots of herself.

Her housemates were rather perplexed when their guest was rather hairier than expected and even more non plussed when one of them ended up having to share a bed with him.

I still howl with laughter. My sister is utterly humourless and does not find the incident remotely funny, which only makes me laugh all the more. If only she had paid more attention in French at school!! And if only I could get my hands on all those letters!!!

VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 22:33

Arthersleep that’s AMAZING

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 01/01/2021 22:35

Love those stories @Arthersleep 😂😂😂

Whererainfalls · 01/01/2021 22:45

@Arthersleep I started reading your post, thinking, "But Fabrice is a male name!" Confused That's a brilliant story! I'm only sorry your sister can't see the funny side! Grin

formerbabe · 01/01/2021 22:52

Sounds like Adrian Mole Grin

Thismustbelove · 01/01/2021 22:52

God I forgot about letters my mum used to write when I was at brownie/guide/school camp .... she used to make stuff up, like the neighbour was expecting triplets .... bizarre. God bless her

I found this so funny 😂 as is the story about Fabrice 😂

Robbybobtail · 01/01/2021 22:58

I had a stash of very romantic letters from an ex who was very intense and used to write me poetry and love letters nearly every day - we worked together and he used to leave them in my coat pocket in the staff cloakroom!

Unfortunately he turned out to be a bit of a psycho and I dumped him but I did keep the letters for a few years until my bf after him found them and chucked them away in a temper!

I do wish I still had them, they the only love letters I ever received and were very romantic (I now realised of course that he was probably what would now be called “love bombing” me - and he was, after all a bit of a nutter!)

Ozgirl75 · 01/01/2021 22:59

Brilliant stories, love them.

When my grandma died in 1994 we found the letters that she and my grandad had written to each other when she was evacuated in the war with a newborn baby (my uncle) and he had to stay in London as he worked on the railways. They were lovely.

My husband was in Iraq in 2003/2004 and we wrote to each other nearly every day and I have all those letters too. Haven’t re read them though as it was a super stressful time and I don’t really want to re live it!

I used to write to loads of people - I used to go on those PGL holidays and would always pick up a load of Penpals and wrote for months afterwards. I remember having a one night snog with a boy at a campsite in America and we wrote for ages afterwards. He was from New York and seemed so glamorous to a Sussex country girl!

pinkhousesarebest · 01/01/2021 23:21

I have a bundle of letters from my French boyfriend in 1983 ( year abroad). I sellotaped them together some time after I returned home but they are still with me, unopened, all these years of house and country moves later. Think I need to burn them..
Interestingly, about fourteen years ago, he hired a private investigator and tracked me down to my parents’s House.

peridito · 02/01/2021 08:19

about fourteen years ago, he hired a private investigator and tracked me down to my parents’s House.

Um @pinkhousesarebest you can't leave it there! Did you meet ? And...

52andblue · 02/01/2021 09:49

I found a letter I had written, in 1992, to the love of my life, in my basement recently (the letter, not the love of my life...)
I had never sent it. I opened it and realised how much I'd loved him then. We were together for 5 years. I ended it. I broke his heart I think.

We have spent the last 4 years back in touch (semi-'together')
I found lots of his old letters to me too.
I'm not at the stage of throwing them away yet.
I'm thinking of turning it into a cathartic Novel (NOT for publication!)

WankPuffins · 02/01/2021 10:04

I've got mine in the shed from 1995. From when I was 15 and I was going out with my first boyfriend who was 16/17.

Oh god, cringe!
He thought he was an artist and used to draw picture of me. Absolutely fucking terrible, they look like a toddler drew them.

Full of how he couldn't live without me stuff.

Actually turned out to be really suffocating and some of the stuff he did was stalker level.
It ended two years later, after id been trying to get rid of him for about 8 months at that point, with my next door neighbour having to call an ambulance as he was in my front garden threatening suicide with a kitchen knife because I'd tried again to tell him it wasn't working out.

It was all very sad and I didn't have another boyfriend until I was 21 as it scared me so much.

The letters really show his descent into becoming obsessed. I mainly kept them as I went onto study and work in mental health services.

middleager · 02/01/2021 10:09

I remember destroying photos and letters from my first love in 1991/2. I regretted it later.

I have letters from another boyfriend circa 1996/7, which I kept.

I like the reminder of my youth, of being young and in love.

ClashCityRocker · 02/01/2021 10:34

Ugh I found some old love letters sent to DH from me the other day.

Jesus. I thought of my self as quite the writer at the time...its very sweet that he's kept them but dear god they read like bad fanfic....

MrsGrindah · 02/01/2021 11:58

Falling about laughing at Fabrice!

annevonkleve · 02/01/2021 12:03

I used to love writing and receiving letters and had lots of overseas penfriends. I used to be really disappointed if the postman came and went without a letter for me.

I think it's a shame that email took over from the mid 90s and all the letters stopped. However, I have friends I wouldn't still be in touch with if email and Facebook didn't exist as they just didn't write letters, so it's not all bad.

I still have all the letters from ex-boyfriends (along with friends and penfriends) and the one solitary letter my husband sent me - he was rubbish at letter writing too Grin

Vimtoinmilk · 02/01/2021 12:04

I've recently got back in touch with an ex who keeps giving me old photos to reminisce about, from the days where you had to take your film in to be developed and wait a few days before you got the pics. They're awful and I wish he would stop tbh. I prefer my memories hazy not thrust in my face for all my bad haircuts to be displayed Grin

Gonkytonk · 02/01/2021 12:10

When my dear step mum passed away last year we found all the love letters and cards that her and my Dad had exchanged when they were “courting”. Some were a little racy! Blush some just really lovely.
I asked the funeral director to put them in her casket to be cremated with her. They weren’t for others to read and I’m sure she’d have wanted them with her.
There can be something very special about letter writing that I hope is never lost.

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