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I found a stash of letters from a boyfriend in 1993

91 replies

VenusClapTrap · 01/01/2021 18:31

And I’m affronted on behalf of my 18 year old self all over again. At first I was charmed by the quaintness of actual letters - it seemed so Victorian! How sweet! But. Reading through them took me right back, and not in a good way.

Such arrogance; the letters are filled with tales of how strangers kept telling him how handsome he was, and how all the other students at his college were fools, and people he met through his part time job were idiots. He was superior to everyone around him.

Lots of poetry and philosophical quotes, and postcards of Botticelli and cathedrals. He missed me and was saving every penny to visit (I was at uni at the other end of the country), although he was being taken to court for not paying the poll tax.

But meanwhile, I needed to know that the girl he sat next to at college kept touching him, and that a terribly attractive older woman on a bus had propositioned him.

In March he was full of how much he was falling for me. He had wanted to tell me on my last visit, but couldn’t. He will hitch hike down soon.

In May, out of the blue, there’s an envelope with ‘please open in private’ written on the back. That letter broke my heart.

In June there’s a patronising letter telling me he didn’t need an accusatory monologous letter, and tells me I was wrong to accuse him of being insensitive, and informs me that I am self centred and ‘inexperienced’. But let’s be friends.

In July he is jovial and chatty, hopes I haven’t fallen out with him as he senses hostility, and asks ‘Do write’. (Clearly I hadn’t replied to the July horror show. Good! Well done 18 year old Venus. High Five. I can remember that heartbreak).

In September he tells me how lovely I looked when we met up that evening, and recalls his lips ‘awkwardly brushing my soft cheek in a moment that spoke volumes’.

In October he informs me he has met someone else, but fears she is too much for him to handle. Do write, he adds.

And there a year of letters end.

It’s hard now to imagine a world of long distance romance by letters. It makes me feel old, that the world has changed so much.

Anyone else kept old letters, and found any corkers?

OP posts:
highheeledhattie · 02/01/2021 12:13

I'm sorry , Mrs Grindah, but your last sentence had me spraying coffee on the screen. An alternative ending to Jane Eyre perhaps?

Sideorderofchips · 02/01/2021 12:29

I still have the letters my now ex husband sent me when we got together in 2005.i haven't read them since he said he was leaving as it brings me to tears each time. But I won't get rid of them as it reminds me of the man he used to be rather than the man he turned into

pinkhousesarebest · 02/01/2021 12:34

peridito no, I had young kids by then and was a bit freaked out tbh. But a few years later we were in Paris for Christmas and we were walking in Île Saint Louis, which was thronged with people, and he walked right past me. Never heard from him again.

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Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 02/01/2021 12:41

I have letters from friends. They are brilliant, full of gossip, forgotten lovers and omens of futures to come with sexy but bad boy boyfriends. Glorious, I feel sad that youth of today will never have this. I’ve read my sons what’s App and it does not compare, at all. [consent given]

covetingthepreciousthings · 02/01/2021 12:47

Interestingly, about fourteen years ago, he hired a private investigator and tracked me down to my parents’s House

A private investigator sounds OTT! Confused how bizarre, no wonder you were freaked out by it.

ADRIENNEthroughbloodshoteyes · 02/01/2021 12:50

@FoldenHoard

Where was he from, 1883? What a drip he sounds.
Ohh for some reason your comment has made me actually, for real, belly laugh. Thank you! Much needed Smile
Treatscatscrave · 02/01/2021 15:08

Think I'm going to take this on a bit of a tangent.

I am in 40s and have started seeing an ex from nearly 25 years ago. He broke it off. I was devastated but he still wrote me letters and came to see me for a while.
It transpires he is not normal. Not in a bad or unpleasant way but not what you'd call a typical person. I can't say more than that.
At the time, I was too upset to make sense of it.
Wish I could read it now. It may help me make a the decision of whether to continue seeing him as I'm torn about our past.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 02/01/2021 16:09

We found ours from the late 80s just before we moved. We burned them ceremonially in the woodburner when we lit it for the first time. Given the contents, I'm surprised the house didn't burn down. Absolutely filthy they were, in both directions.

ProfYaffle · 02/01/2021 16:26

@Arthersleep - eek. Dd2 has a French penpal who thinks she's a boy. I should get her to reveal the truth asap!

sunshinesupermum · 02/01/2021 16:30

I kept mine and forty years later we reconnected ... thank you internet!

StiffyByng1 · 02/01/2021 16:35

This is lovely! But from the sound of him I’m so glad you ended up free of him! I used to have a big box of caper (my first boyfriend a romantic artist who was endlessly sketching me - not a euphemism ;)) and I BINNED it all! I so regret that now.

Fandaddydoozie · 02/01/2021 18:21

@ProfYaffle

Absolutely not!! You just sit back and let it unfold years later for your own amusement! Make sure that you get copies of the letters!

covetingthepreciousthings · 03/01/2021 15:13

I kept mine and forty years later we reconnected ... thank you internet!

Need to tell us more.. reconnected as in romantically?! This is lovely!

ProfYaffle · 03/01/2021 19:11

Grin It helps that dd2 is gay and has already told him that, yes, she does have a girlfriend!

sunshinesupermum · 03/01/2021 19:19

covetingthepreciousthings Yes we did reconnect romantically!

Simonfromharlow · 03/01/2021 20:26

Was the old boyfriend Adrian Mole?

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