Not Economic Immigrants and the British class system

[Fressia123]

I know this probably has been done and nauseam but it still intrigues me. Where do immigrants fit into the the British class system? And I don't mean the type that end up here because they're looking for a better life but rather because they married a Brit. Do they inherit their spouses' class?

Where I'm from I'm upper middle/ upper class. People think I'm a snob but it's not like I can erase my upbringing.
The other day I visited my SIL and felt stupid to mention my DMs housekeeper and gardener (it was within context). I sometimes have to clarify that by "nanny" I mean that and not my grandmother.

Obviously my life here is vastly different to what I grew up in, but I know for certain I don't have to worry about retirement and that bank of mum and dad will always have my back. That o was classically trained in piano and went to expensive private schools. I still care about the finer things in life.

So bottom line would I be working class like my DP or middle/upper that I was born in?

To be fair, I doubt it's the OP who finds it difficult to mix because she thinks she's better or different or whatever else, rather WC people (in general, obviously not all) who find it near impossible to openly accept a non-working class in the fold

Not true at all. I live in a very working class area, in one of the poorest towns in the country. One of the mums at school had a 'posh' accent but we treated her no differently to anyone else. I'd known her about 6 years before I found out she lived in an old (smallish) stately home (and that was only because my son was invited to a sleepover) and that she had a pilots licence, owned a few horses and other indicators of her class status.

The key is not to be a braggy arsehole that thinks you're better than everyone else, because you can play piano.

And to be fair, going by the majority definition of expatriate (there are quite a few all over the internet but similar), an immigrant is also an expat. So no need to feel like something is being taken away from you if someone dares accidentally calls you one.

Had to google this again to be sure.
dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/expatriate

The difference is that some people prefer one name over the other for obvious reasons some reason. Some genuinely add so much importance to the word 'expat', which means they feel comfortable to call some people that but not others.

Where do immigrants fit into the the British class system?

We don't imo. I like that - I feel secure in my sense of self and so does DH, so people mis-placing us or making incorrect assumptions about our lives is just one of those things. Likewise I find it easy to be blunt when I need to be, in situations where a lot of the MC English people around me would hold back or feel awkward - the equivalent of happily eating the last sandwich on the tray. I feel a bit sad that British-born DD and any siblings won't have the out that we have.

@Putthegasfireon

To be fair, I doubt it's the OP who finds it difficult to mix because she thinks she's better or different or whatever else, rather WC people (in general, obviously not all) who find it near impossible to openly accept a non-working class in the fold

Not true at all. I live in a very working class area, in one of the poorest towns in the country. One of the mums at school had a 'posh' accent but we treated her no differently to anyone else. I'd known her about 6 years before I found out she lived in an old (smallish) stately home (and that was only because my son was invited to a sleepover) and that she had a pilots licence, owned a few horses and other indicators of her class status.

The key is not to be a braggy arsehole that thinks you're better than everyone else, because you can play piano.

I get that. I did say 'not all' and I know it works both ways. There are indeed some braggy arseholes, as you've said.

I actually don't know that many Brits outside of the mums and my colleagues. In fact for almost 8 years I never worked with one (we were all international and I reported to the US).

The mums believe me they're all nice and they've tried hard and I'm very grateful but I've just never felt the spark, and I'm talking about years and years.

The office crowd is nice and I definitely don't feel out of place and obviously wonder why is that.

To be fair, I doubt it's the OP who finds it difficult to mix because she thinks she's better or different or whatever else, rather WC people (in general, obviously not all) who find it near impossible to openly accept a non-working class in the fold

It’s true. If anyone on my estate gets so much as a sniff of smashed avocado, sour dough bread or quinoa, we chase down the perpetrators with pitchforks and make them watch episodes of Love Island on repeat until they agree to have ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ tattooed on them. 🙄

Funnily enough, not many people enjoy the company of people who look down on them because of their economic circumstances, how they choose to decorate their homes or what colour gold they like. They also don’t like the assumption that, because they’re working class, they’re too thick to enjoy anything other than reality shows. If the OP has looked down her nose at people in her community as much as she has on here, then it won’t be that they don’t want to be friends with her because she’s not working class. It’ll be because they think she’s a dickhead.

Well we very cheerfully and happily hold ourselves aloof from it, and do not seek to identify with a class, nor care where others place themselves in it. Don't really think it's worth worrying about, it's all a bit irrelevant really!

@Fressia123

I actually don't know that many Brits outside of the mums and my colleagues. In fact for almost 8 years I never worked with one (we were all international and I reported to the US).

The mums believe me they're all nice and they've tried hard and I'm very grateful but I've just never felt the spark, and I'm talking about years and years.

The office crowd is nice and I definitely don't feel out of place and obviously wonder why is that.

OP, you’re doing that weird thing I see all the time on here, as if women who have children turn into the Borg as soon as they give birth. Women who have children are as likely to be as varied a crowd of people as anyone else — all they have in common is parenthood, possibly of a child roughly the age of your child/children,if you’re encountering them via school or baby groups.

You’re as likely or unlikely to feel a ‘spark’ as with any random group of people met on a bus/at a macramé class/rave.

And I'll give your I that @Descant I actually dislike talking about my children as they're one of my main social interactions. I'm a lot happier talking about my dog for example.

You sound like you enjoy feeling superior to your DPs family.

If you want to meet people in the UK with a similar background to yours then that is easily sorted - eg move to a more affluent area / get a job in an appropriate sector / send your kids to fashionable private schools / do charity work for fashionable organisations etc.

I'm great with animal lovers. My BILs GF and I get a long but we both love animals.

I've done quite a few things though, joined a political party, a charity and a local club. I actually did find someone at the charity who I felt the "spark", unfortunately life happened and I couldn't get in touch. My DP thinks that at first glance I'm agreeable but when I feel comfortable I stop trying to control myself and that's when people might find me a snob. He says that I should also find solace that ultimately they're not my type of people. But beyond fitting in or not I've always wondered if social classes were transferable or not so to speak.

The only time i read about class is when supposed people from abroad post faux naive threads about it on here.

What party did you join?

I think there a culture clash between french and british people that there generally isnt with other cultures.

The LibDems. BTW I'm not French but I do read French newspapers because I like to practice my French and find them fairly neutral.

ah right I was going to say if it was Labour or conservative that could have helped us understand a bit more but Lib Dems a real mix.

It’s true. If anyone on my estate gets so much as a sniff of smashed avocado, sour dough bread or quinoa, we chase down the perpetrators with pitchforks and make them watch episodes of Love Island on repeat until they agree to have ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ tattooed on them.

I genuinely laughed at this image in my head. It should be a TV show or something.

But seriously though, people are quoting the first part of what I wrote and ignoring that I mentioned in the next paragraph that people generally tend to do the same anyway, no matter their class. So my first point is, in a way, void now because it's not really about them being WC.

The bottom line is that anyone who feels the need to tell people they are upper class or posh, most likely isn’t.

Why don't you move? It doesn't sound like you are compatible for the area?

What are your jobs?

If you've been called a Chelsea Princess that implies that you are all money and no class.

He works with boats and I've just landed a very good promotion in my dream industry, so no I wouldn't move right now.

@Fressia123

I'm great with animal lovers. My BILs GF and I get a long but we both love animals.

I've done quite a few things though, joined a political party, a charity and a local club. I actually did find someone at the charity who I felt the "spark", unfortunately life happened and I couldn't get in touch. My DP thinks that at first glance I'm agreeable but when I feel comfortable I stop trying to control myself and that's when people might find me a snob. He says that I should also find solace that ultimately they're not my type of people. But beyond fitting in or not I've always wondered if social classes were transferable or not so to speak.

OP, is it fair to say that you rely a lot on your DH to ‘interpret’ the nuances of the society you find yourself in? It just sounds a little as if from what you say that he’s quite insistent on your ‘difference’ from everyone around you, and that perhaps he likes that, regardless of whether you find yourself isolated.

In your shoes, I think I’d rely less on his reading of social situations, which sounds overly-insistent on your fundamental difference from everyone you now live among. Someone’s social class of origin in another country shouldn’t debar any person of reasonable tact and adaptability from fitting in to most places.

I think snobbishness transfers from any country. But at least you sit outside the British class system, if that’s what bothers you.

You sound like my Irish/Indian/Portuguese DGM who came to Britain in 1948 (I loved her to bits but she was a snob).

@happinessischocolate

If you've been called a Chelsea Princess that implies that you are all money and no class.

Fur coat no knickers is how I see the OP. Not one penny to their name but thinks she's a cut above because she has a baby grand in the living room!

@Fressia123

It doesn't matter but oddly enough apart from with fellow expats / people with similar backgrounds I have never been able to integrate into British society at all.

that doesn't sound odd. you sound like a snob. brits don't like snobs. sorry to be blunt, but you asked. how did you come to lower yourself to marry beneath you ?