We teach our kids not to lie..

[MrsKingfisher]

Then we lie to them about Father Christmas! I've often wondered why children are taught (by most parents) that telling lies isn't a good thing yet parents the world over tell their kids a whopper then brush over it when they find out Santa isn't actually real.

I do love the whole Father Christmas ideal but why is it ok to tell lies to children when we try to teach them the opposite?

It's not a lie! It's creating some magic around giving for the sake of giving, rather than because we need to take credit for it, or have our children be thankful to us. Its the same as teaching children about religion, it's all bollocks but it's more about the meanings behind it rather than the actual story.

It’s not a lie that hurts them it’s one that brings them joy.
I’ve got friends who’s parents always told them the truth about Father Christmas, from a very young age, because of this reason. I think everyone has to make their own choice but I do feel slightly like the magic was taken away from them.

@Wellysock

It's not a lie! It's creating some magic around giving for the sake of giving, rather than because we need to take credit for it, or have our children be thankful to us. Its the same as teaching children about religion, it's all bollocks but it's more about the meanings behind it rather than the actual story.

The person Father Christmas doesn't actually exist so it's an untruth, therefore a lie?

Yep and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy.

We also teach them not to be rude and hurt people's feelings, "yes granny thank you for the jumper it's lovely" and as we get older "no your number doesn't look big in that"

No one is making you lie to your child.
Leave others to do what they want with their own children.

@EllyNC

It’s not a lie that hurts them it’s one that brings them joy. I’ve got friends who’s parents always told them the truth about Father Christmas, from a very young age, because of this reason. I think everyone has to make their own choice but I do feel slightly like the magic was taken away from them.

I love the whole Father Christmas ideal, it's magical! However a lie is still a lie regardless of if it hurts someone or not isn't it?

I was always taught that telling lies any lie was completely unacceptable!

It's not so black and white tho is it? We all lie for good reasons - pretending we like a gift when we don't; being kind about a meal that has been prepared that really doesn't taste very nice etc. It's a bit like 'good secrets' (what you've wrapped up for Granny's birthday) and bad secrets e.g. abusive behaviour. Parenting is a minefield and we need to find our way through it. Most adults you know believed in Santa and haven't grown up to be bad or insecure people because their parents 'lied' to them about Mr Claus. Maybe look at it as harmless makebelieve rather than lying.

@CupoTeap

Yep and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy.

We also teach them not to be rude and hurt people's feelings, "yes granny thank you for the jumper it's lovely" and as we get older "no your number doesn't look big in that"

Yes I agree

We do teach our kids how to lie, even if it is just to be polite.

Replying 'I'm fine' to a 'How are you question' when you are not. As pp said, saying you like a present when you don't. Not being rude about a meal that is not nice.

I never saw it as telling a lie, more like playing pretend. A lot of the things we tell small children are not 100% real but just help to make the world a more magical place for them. Most children don’t suffer any real trauma when they find out, do they?

I'll add that one of DS's friends had parents who refused to 'lie' about Santa Claus, so he always knew Santa didn't exist. Sadly therefore so did all his 5 year old class mates because going along with the 'lie' would also be lying. And the now adult friend has openly admitted being sad at missing out on that bit of magic.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07pgvjx

Interesting listen on how children learn to lie- we all do it!

You could tell them Father Christmas is not real but ask them not to tell others out of respect to their parents.

I find many people’s insistence to lie about the existence of Father Christmas strange too. If our DC ever ask, we will tell them the truth. The ‘magic’ of Christmas does not rely on a lie.

It's like good secrets v bad secrets.

DC are very capable of distinguishing between the two. And part of the way they learn is by seeing it in action.

I think it's very po-faced to decree 'no secrets'. But each to their own.

Just make sure your DC don't ruin it for other young DC (fair enough once a bit older)

So what is the acceptable age for children who know it’s a lie to be able to say so if asked by another child?

I would say once they've heard someone who has previously been a believer say something different - ie never take the lead. So tell them never to be the one who mentions it first.

It's typical somewhere in the primary years, depending on how gobby the classmates are (little show offs IME tell sooner) and to some extent the influence of older siblings (though most whomare tood not tomspoio it for the little ones really do rise to the role and enjoy being on the other side of the secret)

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

• Albus Dumbledore

Well someone has to mention it first!

I just find it strange why FC is this protected lie that so many will go to lengths to protect.

I think the problem with the lie is from parents who use Santa for behaviour management on the lead up to Christmas, "You better be good or Santa will put you on the naughty list". There were even two posters on here who made threads about not giving their children and Santa gifts as they had been poorly behaves (over excited). I've always thought this was such an awful thing to do, and people who use Elf on the Shelf for the same thing, with 'Elf security cams' to watch the children. I've also thought that when those children find out it must be awful and no wonder there are so many anxious teens.

We've only ever used Santa/the Elf to add magic to the season, Dd found out this year and was very accepting of it all and took it in her stride.

@Preparedtobetoldimwrong

I never saw it as telling a lie, more like playing pretend. A lot of the things we tell small children are not 100% real but just help to make the world a more magical place for them. Most children don’t suffer any real trauma when they find out, do they?

I agree with this, it's playing pretend. However when I was asked out right for the first time if Santa was real, I didn't lie and insist he was.

@nosswith

You could tell them Father Christmas is not real but ask them not to tell others out of respect to their parents.

I agree - but a big ask for nursery/reception children

Of course it’s a lie. It also isn’t compulsory.

Many could say the same thing about religion?

@Preparedtobetoldimwrong

I never saw it as telling a lie, more like playing pretend. A lot of the things we tell small children are not 100% real but just help to make the world a more magical place for them. Most children don’t suffer any real trauma when they find out, do they?

I agree with this. We hunt for Gruffalo on our walks, even though they don't exist. I wouldn't tell the kids that Gruffalo do actually exist, or lie if they asked, but nor do I find it necessary to point out that they're fictional while we're having fun pretending.