Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Keeping maiden name post marriage, any problems?

107 replies

Siw2020 · 27/12/2020 13:31

How many people actually do this without any issues?

The only thing I don't like about it is having a different name to any future DCs. Double-barrelling would not work for us (DP already has a very long surname).

Makes sense for us both professionally to not have the same name. Also, I just feel like this is my identity, it just feels a bit historical to go by your father's surname until you marry and then taking on husband's....

Would love to hear of people's stories where this has worked with no bother.

OP posts:
lofthouse · 27/12/2020 13:32

I haven't take mine, but we did double barrel the kids. No problems - although as I book holidays DH always gets called Mr lofthouse on hold much to his amusement !

Horehound · 27/12/2020 13:33

Only thing is other people assuming you've changed it so if you get a cheque it might be in your "new"name and the bank Wont process it.

The only thing I actually changed was my FB name and my bank after my husband told me it would be a good idea to. He really wants me to use his name. I hate it and I don't want to. But I do get all post coming to me as my husband's name however when I say my own name I use my maiden name :) my child took my husband's and I guess if he grows up and prefers mine, we can change it.

HopefulMama2020 · 27/12/2020 13:33

Just to offer a slight alternative, I changed my name to my husbands in my personal life as I want to have the same name as our children, but have kept my maiden name at work. I'm well established in my profession so it made no sense to me to change it - best of both worlds I think!

FippertyGibbett · 27/12/2020 13:33

Have you thought about giving any future children you surname as the last middle name so that they share your surname in their name, would that work ?

Cloverforever · 27/12/2020 13:34

Why would your kids have a different surname? You give birth to them ergo they can have your surname.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 27/12/2020 13:35

No problems, not an issue, just kept mine.,

CMOTDibbler · 27/12/2020 13:36

No problems at all. Ds is double barrelled, but if that didn't work I'd have insisted on using my name or we'd have had to have chosen a new surname

Lampzade · 27/12/2020 13:37

I use my husband’s surname when it’s anything to do with the school / doctor etc
I use my maiden name for everything else.
My passport is in my maiden name, but my driving licence is in my maiden name

Lampzade · 27/12/2020 13:38

Driving licence is in my married name

NoSquirrels · 27/12/2020 13:38

@HopefulMama2020

Just to offer a slight alternative, I changed my name to my husbands in my personal life as I want to have the same name as our children, but have kept my maiden name at work. I'm well established in my profession so it made no sense to me to change it - best of both worlds I think!
Yeah, I did this. Mostly, to be perfectly honest, because we got cheques addressed to “Mr and Mrs DH’s surname” and being ever-so British I didn’t want the hassle of telling the kind people they’d written it wrong.

The only issue is keeping enough ID (if needed) in your least-used name to prove you are who you say you are!

FippertyGibbett · 27/12/2020 13:38

My original intention was to double barrel but it didn’t ‘go’ so I changed my name.
I was happy having the same name as my kids but now I’m older I sort of regret it.
When I say my first and old surname it makes me smile and think of when I was younger.

greyinganddecaying · 27/12/2020 13:38

No problems here except older/traditional people sending Christmas cards to Mr&Mrs hisname.
Anyone assuming babes gets short shrift.

Kids are double-barrelled, but I know people in similar circumstances where kids have had either mum's surname or dad's. It's fairly common these days to have a different surname to one of your parents.

greyinganddecaying · 27/12/2020 13:39

*names not babes!

OchonAgusOchonO · 27/12/2020 13:44

No problems other than a school secretary who absolutely refuses to address any correspondence to me using my correct name. The amusing bit is the school principal kept her name and her children, who go to the school, have their father's surname. I assume her communication is addressed correctly. One bil also insists on addressing post to me and dh using dh's surname only. But he's a misogynistic gobshite at the best of times.

We used my surname as a middle name for the kids so they have both surnames. In hindsight, I should have double barreled the kid's names but just didn't think of it as it's not really a thing where I live.

AdoraBell · 27/12/2020 13:45

The only problems I’ve had is with DH’s family. DC and I are double barrelled. They still insist on sending cards etc to DH’s surname.

My surname is one that is also a male first name so I’be stopped saying Mrs when asked for my details. It confuses people and they assume I’m being terribly correct and using Mrs DH’s first name and surname.

Neolara · 27/12/2020 13:45

I kept my maiden name. The only issue I have is that now I am in my 50s, I feel a little silly calling myself Ms. But calling myself Mrs Maiden-Name feels wrong too. Obviously, it doesn't come up that often, only really when filling out forms.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/12/2020 13:45

Friend did this and the children have her surname. She didn’t want to double barrel nor have a different name from them. She’s debated changing it since as has come to dislike having a different name from her spouse but hasn’t so far.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 27/12/2020 13:46

Just give the Dc your name.

MyCassiopiea · 27/12/2020 13:48

No problems. There was some resistance from my husband's side of the family but they don't like anything we do anyway so I just enjoy that it annoys them.

I like my name and I don't want to change it. Plenty of other cultures have different surnames to their partners and I've taught children where the mum, dad and children all have different surnames. It doesn't have to be complicated.

OchonAgusOchonO · 27/12/2020 13:48

@Neolara - what's wrong with using Ms? It's a neutral term that is applicable to all adult women. I find it odd when older females (i.e. anyone over 18) use Miss. I assume Miss is a child.

BillieSpain · 27/12/2020 13:48

Not many countries change the names.

It is actually much simpler.

X baby is X baby YZ oficially but just referred to as XY is day to day/at school. (France, Italy, Canada, Spain etc etc...)

Very Patriarchical to change you name, in my view.

14ScottsRoad · 27/12/2020 13:49

I use both interchangeably. Never changed my passport or drivers licence. Changed some bank accounts and not others.

never had an issue. Just have to ensure I book plan tickets in the name in my passport.

HopeAndDriftWood · 27/12/2020 13:49

I did the same as HopefulMama. Changed it personally but kept my maiden name professionally.

I quite like it like that - I like the family element of us having the same surname, and his was nicer than mine, and I like that I keep my professional reputation at work.

BillieSpain · 27/12/2020 13:50

Always use Ms, as does DD (12)

Actually, why do people change their names on marriage? Bizarre when you think about it!

Fallstar · 27/12/2020 13:51

I agree with previous posters - just give your children your name.

I didn't change my name when we got married (and my husband didn't change his name to mine, either). The children have my surname, with his as a middle name.

There's no reason why you should have a different name to your children if you don't want to. If people think that's unfair on your husband, ask yourself why they expect the woman to give way on this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread