Keeping maiden name post marriage, any problems?

[Siw2020]

How many people actually do this without any issues?

The only thing I don't like about it is having a different name to any future DCs. Double-barrelling would not work for us (DP already has a very long surname).

Makes sense for us both professionally to not have the same name. Also, I just feel like this is my identity, it just feels a bit historical to go by your father's surname until you marry and then taking on husband's....

Would love to hear of people's stories where this has worked with no bother.

I’m Ms Myname and have had no problems at all. Just a slight annoyance at quite a few people on both sides addressing cards etc to Mr & Mrs Hisname. I think it’s just an assumption that I have changed it though, rather than an attempt to make a point. It always seems a bit rude to say ‘thanks for the card but I’m not Mrs Hisname’

No issue keeping mine save for one snide ‘back in my day’ MIL comment, quickly shrugged off. I’ve traveled extensively alone with DS and no issue there, either. I have given him my surname as a middle name, purely as we didn’t like the way the double barrelled sounds.

Why would you have a different name to future dc?

I kept my name. Dc have my name too.

The only issue I had was when doing a DBS check to become a counter signatory. They can't cope with married women not changing their name, the only option is to tell them your maiden name is the same as your married name

In laws have been very pa about the whole thing but - meh.

Kept mine.

"it just feels a bit historical to go by your father's surname until you marry and then taking on husband's...." Historical, yes, but therefore very sexist (to me at least!) And face it just because it's traditional doesn't make it right.

then again I've been Ms Butt for so long and him indoors gets called Mr Butt occasionally - which he doesn't like, he's never really agreed with me on this one although intellectually he agrees with the idea.

Frankly this was fairly standard practice where I grew up and in fact in some parts of the country it was illegal for a woman to change her name on marriage. She could adopt her husband's name daily use but not legally change it. Very practical really as you never need to have all the change of name details available every time you need to prove your identity.

Side note - at one point I supplied my employer with my marriage certificate so they could add my OH's details to my pension scheme. Some dweeblet changed my name on all the company's systems which I of course had not asked them to do. We'd already been married for nearly 20 years at that point so it seemed odd. When I insisted that they changed it back they wanted to see my change of name docs and it took a managerial escalation for them to understand that there was no documentation available given that I'd never changed my name in the first place!!

@Bearsbearsbears40 - No problems legally or with banks etc, but even now, after eight years of trying to explain, 90% of my friends and family refer to me as Mrs (DH surname). I have asked and asked people to use my name as they’ve always done, but they don’t listen. Sigh

That is so disrespectful. If I was you, I would refer to them using their maiden name if female and their dw's maiden name if male. Or if they're not married, just a subtly incorrect version of their name. I'm assuming all women in this scenario have changed their names.

And why must it be a "maiden" name?? I hate the term. Birth name? Real name? Original name? Seriously there should be an alternative.

Bugs me as much as when I hear someone ask for one's Christian name. Even when talking to someone who is very unlikely to be a Christian.

Retained maiden name for tax, Nhs, passport, bank etc DBS has both names as when I had children with hubby many referred to me as Mrs X so I answer to both. No issues travelling with different name to children.

I didn't change my name. My DH didn't mind whether or child had his surname or mine because he's not weirdly macho and insecure so that was never an issue (although I ended up picking his for various reasons).

I always thought I might change mine to match my child but I haven't and it's made the square root of zero difference so far.

DH's mum never changed her name either, and had a different surname to DH, so exactly the same approach. Never had any issues.

Changing your name can be nice if it's what you want to do and it feels right, but it felt weird and wrong for me personally (and I couldn't be doing with the admin!)

Call your kids your surname. 40% of marriages end in divorce so if you are desperate to share the same surname as your kid, this approach makes sense.

Women who don’t use other women’s chosen surnames are always pathetic insecure cunts. It’s a handy trick to identifying them in order to avoid them.

Also it's just your name not your maiden name. You're not a 1700s wrench.

I should say that people do often address cards to 'Mr & Mrs DH Name' which affects me...not at all. It's sweetly quaint, and usually just the product of people following centuries of convention. Nothing I can get in any way exercised or upset about.

I kept mine, no problem at all.

However, DS has dad's surname (which to be honest I wandered into rather than either of us making a real choice about it) so I did have make a conscious decision not to be annoyed by school calling me Ms SameSurnameAsDS. Which is an easy enough mistake to make.

It isn’t “sweetly quaint”. It’s a social convention that dates from the days when wives (and more importantly, their property) became the chattels of their husbands.

Because DH kept his and I kept mine, we've never had any problem with cheques or stuff either - don't know if that's our bank being lax though!

I didn't change mine for a number of reasons, I don't like his surname, pain in butt to change everything and if if it didn't work out down the track pain the change again and it just seems like it's not the 17th century. My own person not his property. I never even discussed it. A number of years later husband commented I still got mail in my maiden name and I said well I never changed it... He was like oh ok then, and that's that. No big deal at all. Some people refer to me with his surname i.e. an Xmas card addressed to Mrs and Mr X but I don't bother correcting people. Don't really care enough.

I use my maiden name at work and my married name at home, if that works for you? It hasn't caused any major difficulties ☺️ You can have an addiotional page added to your passport to say you're also known by the other name, though you'll have to choose one for your driving licence. I changed all bank accounts to my married name - might have been an idea to keep one in maiden name in retrospect though it hasn't caused an issue.

I don't have a maiden name, I just have my name. Had it before marriage, kept it after marriage. A couple of cards at Christmas in the wrong name, that's it.

I have been asked at U.K. immigration (coming into U.K.) to show proof of relationship to the kids (was travelling without DH). Probably easier to carry a copy of birth certificate or letter signed by DH showing that I can take the kids out of the country - but it irritates me as I see it as sexist and culturally ignorant. I would rather there was optional space on passports to put who the mother or father is.

Other than that I have no problems - I have accounts and admin in both married and maiden names.

Neither of us changed our names so zero effort required. I think I've had two incorrect cheques in 20 years (can't remember the last time anyone gave me a personal cheque). All our Christmas cards do appear as Mr and Mrs DH Surname every year though which is mildly irritating but not an actual problem. I definitely couldn't be doing with one name for professional purposes one for personal, I know it works for some but its not for me, I don't want to be known as Mrs Dhsurname in any context at all.

I did have make a conscious decision not to be annoyed by school calling me Ms SameSurnameAsDS. Which is an easy enough mistake to make.

I don't get annoyed by a mistake. I do get annoyed by deliberate obtuseness.

It was never an issue in primary school as all teachers and parents were on first name terms and they transferred the data correctly from the application form to the computer so any communication was addressed to mother name and father name.

In secondary, the mother's surname was ignored when transferring data to the database and everything addressed to Mr and Mrs father's surname, regardless of marital status. I eventually got them to change my records but I had to do it after each of my 3 children started as they changed it back with each new child.

I kept mine. Married late and have used my maiden name for 40+ years and didn’t want to change it. Kids have my husbands name. I don’t mind being called Mrs DH or the DH Surname family if it makes things easier fit people just haven’t changed anything official. Oh and cheques made out to my ‘married’ names just go through the joint account and the bank accepts them - once I had to show my marriage certificate but don’t normally have any problems.

I haven’t changed mine (yes, it’s my name just as much as it’s my dad’s) and I haven’t had any problems. Get the odd bit of post addressed to Mr & Mrs but nothing official so it’s not an issue. If anyone asks I just say ‘I use my own name’.

Not a single issue apart from family writing Xmas cards and that has pretty much stopped now after ten years. DH occasionally gets called Mr (my surname) in a hotel if I booked the room but he just thinks it's funny and doesn't correct people.

I am Ms but always have been. Our child has both our surnames and is free to choose if she keeps both, one or none when she's old enough.

Kept mine, DS has DH surname simply because we live abroad and my surname doesn’t work well here. I do regret not having my surname as an additional middle name though.

No problems but I get hugely irritated by the in laws using DH surname when addressing birthday cards. It bothers me less if it’s something addressed to both DH and I but if it’s just to me I feel it’s to prove a point. I did fly alone with DS and have to show his birth certificate. What I found strange was that, despite both being British citizens, I had to show evidence he was my son when flying to the UK but not when leaving.