Tell me something that you wish that you'd experienced but haven't...

[Boobahs]

Thinking about things that we’d hope to happen next year, but is there anything in life that you wish that you’d experienced but haven’t so far?

For me, I’ve never lived alone. I went from living with my parents, to living with a partner, then back to my parents when we split, then moved in with my DP and we now have 2 young children.

I've never experienced just having the physical space and time to do whatever I please, whenever I want to. I'm sure that lots of this has been romanticised in my head when I see programmes/films when people live in apartments on their own and obviously there's a flip side to it with loneliness, money worries, etc... so I know it's not all positive. I would never regret my life now, I just sometimes wonder if I missed out on a huge part of life that other people have experienced.

So tell me, is there anything that you wish you'd experienced but haven't?

Driving alone in an open topped car down a sunny road with music playing.

I can't drive. First i had no money. Then I had a job for years which involved non stop travel so was never in one place long enough for lessons. Then I lived in central London and had no desire to learn to drive there and had no need of a car there, or anywhere to park one. Then moved out but was short of money again due to two small DC and DH losing his job. I also have very poor hand to eye co-ordination (can't catch a ball, ever) and ADD, so would probably be a slow learner and not very safe driver. So I don't drive. But I'd love to feel that freedom of having my own car and being able to go anywhere.

A partner who had empathy and attunement. A relationship without conflict and pain.

I wish I had experienced a pregnancy long enough to feel a baby kicking and give birth.

My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. That was 16 years ago now and I look back at myself in photos during those weeks and I look so happy. After two years to get to that point, life seemed like it was finally going to plan. Another two miscarriages followed and we finally became a family through adoption. We have a very happy family life.

But I think sometimes about how lucky some women are - to get pregnant without difficulties, to go through pregnancies without the fear of loss, to give birth and experience the joy that must feel. As I said, our life is good but that part of my life has fundamentally changed me as a person.

@Cooroo - surely it's never too late. The lovely Oliver Sachs hid the fact he was gay all his life and just threw himself into his work, then late in life he fell in love with a younger man and was blissfully happy.

Fairyliz A woman at work retired at 60 and volunteered for a charity teaching in Africa, that was only a few years ago, so I imagine you can still volunteer as an oldie!

I'd love to have experienced growing up with a mum. She died when I was 8. I have no idea what that must be like.

To be successful at something. Whether that’s my job, a hobby, sport, anything. It must be amazing to have a sense of achievement. Perhaps it’s to be able to put my job first rather like men seem to do, and see how far I could go with it. Instead of now having nothing and supporting H in his career and be trapped by where he wants to be because of it. Lots of resentment there.

[quote Labobo]@Cooroo - surely it's never too late. The lovely Oliver Sachs hid the fact he was gay all his life and just threw himself into his work, then late in life he fell in love with a younger man and was blissfully happy.[/quote]
Indeed but I'm 61 and in a happy enough long term relationship! Who knows...

Being able to sing well.

Living abroad.i was due to live in France for a year in my twenties but cancelled when my ex boyfriend died as I just knew I would fall apart that year.

I have done a lot of amazing memory making stuff though, so I do feel privileged and lucky

Amazing stories. Feel lucky to have experienced so much. I'd love more carefree loose sex in my life. After a horrible marriage and years of resentment....

@Fairyliz of course you can work abroad at 60, and not just volunteering either. I worked in a few different countries and one of my colleagues was a retired teacher who had started working abroad once her sons were old enough to support themselves. I guess it will be more difficult with Brexit though.

But for anyone considering it, please do it if you can. You don't need money: you're working, so you're earning to pay for your rent and other living expenses, and your employer will pay for your flights, visa and healthcare.

@BaddestDaughter I echo that working abroad isn’t impossible. I never had the money to travel abroad apart from through working. Working abroad is a means to earn more money rather than the other way around.

I wish I’d been an architect.

I also wish I had a small holding, somewhere in the fells near us, or maybe in rural Portugal.

I’m working on achieving the second one.

Oh I would also love to be able to sing really well, a soaring classical mezzo soprano or a powerful rock vocal like Grace Slick. People who can sing like that must get so much pleasure out of it.

@Splodgetastic same. Interrailing etc was never on the cards for me, but once you're working somewhere you go on day trips and holidays and weekends away in the region and see it that way.

I mean, obviously not now. Unless you bag a job in a part of the world that's sorted covid out. Which includes some really lovely parts of the world it has to be said. I'm tied here now with kids etc but if I could then damn right I'd be trying for work in, say, South Korea rn.

Great thread. I'd have liked to have dated a bit more.

I'd love to work abroad and will at some stage.

I'd like to live high up in a city apartment for a while, ideally with balcony or roof garden and with a great view.

I'd like to be fluent in another language and fit in in a country where it is spoken.

I'd like to experience being a size 8

I don't know what it's like to be financially very secure so that's what I will be working towards in 2021 and beyond.

Having fabulous straight teeth.

Successful breastfeeding. Three children and for various reasons I failed every time, despite my best efforts.

Acid.

A ‘proper’ relationship. I’m nearly 42 and I’m still waiting! I’ve briefly lived with someone once for 3 months but other than that I’ve only had fairly brief relationships. I suffer with abandonment and attachment issues so struggle with relationships but I crave one so much.
I mostly like living on my own but it’s very boring and lonely at times. But I did spend a lot of my 20’s travelling and studying for my career so life hasn’t all been shit!

I always wish I could have experienced what it was like to be young and in love. I didn't have a proper relationship until I was in my late 20s, working full time, a responsible adult etc. I've always thought it would have been much more passionate and exciting to have fallen in love as a student, all that free time, drunken nights, summers travelling Europe together etc. But maybe it would just have been crap!