5 year olds reaction to present, what do you think?

[Icantrememebrtheartist]

My DD has been so excited about Christmas, she’s 5.

She wrote her wish list for Santa about a month ago and we bought several things she wanted plus some surprises that we thought she would like.

She opened her presents and told us she didn’t get anything she wanted and hates all her presents.

At school they did an activity called ‘what’s in Santa’s sack?’ and they were given pages of toys to cut out and stick (think Argos/Smyths catalogue) since then she told us she knew what she was getting for Christmas because she did her list at school! 3 pages of toys for that activity!! There was a bike, karaoke machine, gadgets, expensive LOL camper van, barbie stuff etc, about £600 worth of toys!! Obviously we explained that wasn’t her list but she insisted it was so we explained she wouldn’t get all that stuff.

She wanted an arts and crafts set, she got one, but apparently it wasn’t as big as the one she wanted, she wanted make up (we bought a little age appropriate set) it wasn’t as good as the one she wanted,

I’m so shocked at how ungrateful she’s been I feel really upset. I’m upset she’s so disappointed. And really annoyed at the bloody school activity.

Is this behaviour/attitude normal at 5?

It's not unusual for children to get so excited in the run up to Christmas that the day itself feels anticlimactic. I remember feeling that way myself, for quite a long time, and one of my children used to sob at every birthday she had because of feeling so overwhelmed after becoming so excited in the run up. Your DD doesn't hate her presents, she is just feeling that anticlimax and can't articulate it well because she is five. Just leave it; she will be happy with her presents once she settles. And you can have a chat with her about it all another day.

@Noti23

I don’t think that behaviour is normal. I just think being spoilt is becoming normalised.

Completely agree. I'm really surprised at how many posters have similar experiences. It's really spoilt behaviour.

Does she generally have good manners? I could cut some slack if so, but saying she hates everything is quite extreme.

Sorry OP, it is hard

Completely agree. I'm really surprised at how many posters have similar experiences. It's really spoilt behaviour

Xmas has become sooooo commercialised I mean its in your face the second the halloween decs come down. Advert after advert posters , elf on shelf bollocks u name it adults have whipped Xmas up into such a commercial materialistic and indulgent tine I dont think we can totally blame the kids for the reaction.

And no one has mentioned letting the kid get away with it, more just understanding where that behaviour may have stemmed from and our failure to manage the expectations and keep our kids grounded.

My 4 year old has been lovely re presents but had the biggest meltdown over a Christmas card. We had wailing, big sobbing tears that the card she had from her grandmother didn’t have Santa on. It was totally irrational and she wanted to bin it etc as she was so disappointed. To an adult it made no bloody sense whatsoever.

A friends children did a similar activity at school a few years back, only they were asked to write a list rather than cut out pictures. My friend's son said he was told that he'd get whatever he put on the list, and top of it was 'Daddy'. He told his younger brother about it too. As my friend is widowed, funnily enough Daddy didn't turn up on Christmas day. That Christmas really was ruined....

Aw OP you sound lovely! She’s only 5, my friends little girl says the most hurtful things sometimes but I am almost certain the older she gets and more self aware she won’t carry on. Her mum is also lovely and these are just things little kids do! She doesn’t understand how it all works that’s all. I agree the schools will have put extra emphasis on Christmas this year. They shouldn’t have.

My son (4) did this activity at school in the last week of term. He came home with toys stuck on a piece of paper that he was going to get for Christmas. I told him that he had already done his letter to Father Christmas so it was too late to change his mind. He never mentioned it again so no drama 🤷🏼‍♀️
Christmas is a massive overwhelming day for kids. The build up to it goes on for weeks and weeks and it all becomes a bit too much. We’ve had our fair share of tantrums today but it’s all been down to tiredness and being overexcited. I was actually impressed that ds opened his stocking at 07:00 and didn’t open another present until half 4 this afternoon! No asking for presents, just happily played with his stocking stuff.
I would have a little chat about her behaviour tomorrow when it’s calmer. You’ll probably find she will enjoy her presents a lot more tomorrow as everything will be a lot more relaxed.

@christinarossetti19

It's completely normal. The build up to Christmas, even this subdued year, is Too Much for little ones.

Just let her settle down into the day and play with what she does have.

Rubbish. My 5yr old DD has been so excited and is over the moon with her presents.

The school should be ashamed of themselves. Allowing children to pick £600 worth of toys and expand their expectations like that

Jesus, school want stringing up! That's the dumbest, most tone deaf activity. I'd be writing letters to the Head and LEA about that... what about the kids in real poverty that get nothing. Does that mean Santa doesn't love them? Outrageous.

@Didiusfalco

Don’t take it to heart. It’s not you or the school, it’s an over excited child being 5. With stuff that I know is nothing to do with anything I’ve done I tend just to be matter of fact and not join in with the emotions.

Absolute nonsense. My 5yo DD is nothing like this. But if she had been allowed to add £600 worth of toys to a wish list activity and therefore essentially told to choose anything she liked, then has naturally communicated to her that she will GET most of what she chose.

I allowed my daughter to circle a selection of toys in the catalogue but didn't let her go anywhere near that far!

@bathorshower

A friends children did a similar activity at school a few years back, only they were asked to write a list rather than cut out pictures. My friend's son said he was told that he'd get whatever he put on the list, and top of it was 'Daddy'. He told his younger brother about it too. As my friend is widowed, funnily enough Daddy didn't turn up on Christmas day. That Christmas really was ruined....

That's so sad.

Just going to leave this here, it's a page from Shirley Hughes book Lucy and Tom's Christmas - published in 1981. Being overwhelmed isn't a new phenomenon but managing expectations is part and parcel of being a parent in my experience and my DC did/do get the wrong end of the stick a lot at that age. Hope you're ok OP

Doh, would help if I'd actually attached the picture.

Was it a girls school in Surrey ?

Mine did the same last year and then “ordered” presents with cut out pictures for all the brothers and sisters too ..... over £3/4 k

I was absolutely furious with school. It’s just not fair.

X

A friends children did a similar activity at school a few years back, only they were asked to write a list rather than cut out pictures. My friend's son said he was told that he'd get whatever he put on the list, and top of it was 'Daddy'. He told his younger brother about it too. As my friend is widowed, funnily enough Daddy didn't turn up on Christmas day. That Christmas really was ruined....

Oh no.

As I previously stated, I find this sort of activity rather horrible. And I agree with the posters stating that they would adress it. It is incredibly insensitive.

But telling children that they will get whatever they put on the list?

That honestly seems cruel. I can't wrap my head around this kind of thoughtlessness. No. Just no.

I'd honestly be gutted if my 5 year old did that. I'd be putting a few away until she was a bit more grateful.

I think it's outdated to label this kind of thing spoilt or bad behaviour. At 8 or 9 (if neurotypical) maybe yes. At 5 or 6 it's developmentally normal and not naughty - just overwhelm and inability to express themselves more maturely.

Which also means adults shouldn't take it personally or think that it is the whole story - often once the child has calmed down a bit they do actually like the present they've been given and are able to accept it gratefully. To overreact with shaming punishments like throwing the present away is just counter productive. It might teach them to be outwardly more grateful and polite (but they learn that in time anyway) but it also teaches them you're not a safe person to express frightening feelings to.

I'd be putting a few away until she was a bit more grateful

That's not a bad idea, kids don't need piles of presents i mean who's it all for? Them or you? Pile up the presents under the tree , post the pictures on fave book let every one see your excessive collection of "gifts" and then tbe kids have to act like performing seals , complete with matching pyjama sets and photos every 30 seconds, or lose them....

Its too much these days, truly

@Icantrememebrtheartist
My DS, when he was 3, was very timid....we went to the shops so our DC could sit on Santa's lap and tell him what they'd like for him to bring them.....my DS flatly refused to sit with Santa until I told him that unless he asked Santa for the toy he wanted, how was Santa to know....so he gathered his courage, walked up, jumped on Santa's lap and proceeded to tell Santa that he'd like a Teenage Mutant NinjaTurtle sword for Christmas...Santa told him that ok, young man...DS was slid off Santa's lap and handed a candy cane by one of Santa's elves, and ushered off the stage....I can still see my poor little DS looking down at the candy cane in disbelief...I asked what was wrong... He said, " I asked for a TMNinja Turtle sword and all I got was this dumb candy cane!!!" It was then I realized that the poor little diddums thought that he'd get his gift from Santa as soon as he'd politely asked....I felt horrible and quickly explained the whole Santa concept...He was fine then, but it gave me a good insight into how children take our words literally sometimes and we expect them to ' get it's
Here's another Christmas morning story about my nephew when he was four..he had lots of gifts from Santa( sometimes here in the US the Santa gifts are wrapped) He'd take a gift, rip the paper just enough to see what was in the package, and reach for another...this went on for awhile until he ran out of gifts to rip open...but he was very distraught and kept asking for more....we all didn't know what to do because he was genuinely distraught...not just a spoiled ungrateful, tanturm. We started handing him our own gifts to unwrap until we finally figured out the problem...he didn't really want lots of gifts! He just wanted to have someone to sit down and take the time to play with him....since he was the only grandchild at the time, he had nobody to play with.

I don't agree this is normal behaviour if it was my dd also 5 that told me the presents were wrong an not what she wanted I would simply say OK no problem sure some1 will want them watch her change her tune then. And if she acts like that now she will only get worse as gets older.

My DS, when he was 3, was very timid....we went to the shops so our DC could sit on Santa's lap and tell him what they'd like for him to bring them.....my DS flatly refused to sit with Santa until I told him that unless he asked Santa for the toy he wanted, how was Santa to know

Another example of how Xmas is all fir the adults and not the kids. Someone wants a nice memory or a nice story and photo, so we teach kids to override their boundries by blackmailing them with toys/presents and expect them to try and appear happy while doing so.

DD also did this activity at nursery and they’d given her the impression this was her letter to Santa.

I don’t like this activity, especially for very young children who do come away from it thinking Santa will bring them some toy the parents aren’t even familiar with.

DD (3) thought she was going to get a reindeer cuddly toy. She’s coped ok but I do find it irritating. The activity crosses into territory of things I feel should be for the parents to steer, according to their means, traditions and what will suit their child.

I did that cutting up catalogues activity as a kid, many years ago, and distinctly remember looking at the stuff and thinking ‘won’t be getting that, so don’t ask, won’t be getting that, won’t be getting that’ and it was fine. Santa brings one present. Anything else is just sabotaging yourself.
This farcical time of year is hyped to the rafters for months in advance, rammed down everyone’s throats, any wonder young people with undeveloped emotion regulation, undeveloped brains etc. can’t handle the hype of The Big Day?

Completely normal 5yo behaviour. Very sad that so many want to punish children for having a developmentally normal response to a cultural thing they never asked for. As someone else said, very old-fashioned thinking.

@Whatwouldscullydo
You are spot on! I admit..I wanted that photo of my DS with Santa ...."because that's what one is supposed to do with young DC
At Christmas".....I completely fell for the hype. Fortunately, I came to my senses, realizing it was my great idea of a fun activity, not DCs therefore that was the last year I forced my them to 'sit on Santa's lap'.
I'm happy to report that DS is a happy well adjusted man in his 30s who was able to trust his own boundaries despite my failings as a parent sometimes.

We all do it, in fact strangely enough when you don't go along witg this stuff people ask alot of questions and somehow your the weirdo/party pooper for asking under what other circumstances would letting your kid sit on some strange blokes lap for candy be appropriate .

My kids were always terrified of people dressed up though. At one point I admit to being a bit jealous that others got to do these things and have nice photos etc

But things have definitely gone to the extreme now. They spend more time making and taking these photos and distributing these photos on social media and less time actually interacting with the kids .

I much prefer a low key Xmas, far less stressful