Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

5 year olds reaction to present, what do you think?

128 replies

Icantrememebrtheartist · 25/12/2020 14:37

My DD has been so excited about Christmas, she’s 5.

She wrote her wish list for Santa about a month ago and we bought several things she wanted plus some surprises that we thought she would like.

She opened her presents and told us she didn’t get anything she wanted and hates all her presents.

At school they did an activity called ‘what’s in Santa’s sack?’ and they were given pages of toys to cut out and stick (think Argos/Smyths catalogue) since then she told us she knew what she was getting for Christmas because she did her list at school! 3 pages of toys for that activity!! There was a bike, karaoke machine, gadgets, expensive LOL camper van, barbie stuff etc, about £600 worth of toys!! Obviously we explained that wasn’t her list but she insisted it was so we explained she wouldn’t get all that stuff.

She wanted an arts and crafts set, she got one, but apparently it wasn’t as big as the one she wanted, she wanted make up (we bought a little age appropriate set) it wasn’t as good as the one she wanted,

I’m so shocked at how ungrateful she’s been I feel really upset. I’m upset she’s so disappointed. And really annoyed at the bloody school activity.

Is this behaviour/attitude normal at 5?

OP posts:

reefedsail · 25/12/2020 15:15

She might be one of those people that doesn't cope that well with presents. We have to let our DS(10) be involved in the choosing and buying of presents. This year he saw his main present a good while ago, we actually had to take it out of the box for him to see. Since then it's been in a cupboard by his room where he knew where it was. We wrapped it and he was very happy with it this morning. He can be excited about a present he knows about whereas nebulous idea of a present he really wanted would just have him all anxious and sideways.

I'm a specialist teacher for children with autism and know lots of children who can't handle a wrapped present however awesome it turns out to be.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 25/12/2020 15:16

I do think the activity was pretty tone deaf of the school, particularly in the current climate. I’d definitely consider (for the future) stockings from Santa and gifts from mum and dad, as it makes explaining budgets easier.
Hope your day gets better

Passmeabottlemrjones · 25/12/2020 15:21

That particular school activity is a standard Christmas activity that tonnes of kids do every year.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Behaviour & development Christmas Families

Echobelly · 25/12/2020 15:25

Yes, young kids can often seem ungrateful - and it doesn't mean they're extra horrible children or anything, it's just immaturity. They are very sensitive to 'loss'/ things they think are bad, so even if they got 5 things they wanted the fact they didn't get the 6th thing can, to their mind, feel in the moment like EVERYTHING IS RUINED!

I think the schoo activity was deeply unhelpful on that front - you're not the first person I've heard of having seen that activity and been upset/annoyed about it.

We gave DS a lovely day out on his birthday when he was 6 or 7 when we did a high rope activity, went to the park, had a lovely lunch, went to the cinema. But at the end the whole day was RUINED! according to him because... his dad wanted to stay to watch the post-credits sequence of the film Of course that misery was all forgotten the next day - he was just overexcited and over tired.

TillyTopper · 25/12/2020 15:26

It's hard isn't it! And I can see why you are disappointed after lots of effort and money. I think that those sorts of activity at school are actually wrong - it makes Christmas about the presents (not to mention the fact that it seems like the kids are making a request) , they should focus on family, some treats and excitement. Don't be upset, she is only little! Perhaps make sure you focus on some kind and fun stuff for others, so she gets the message about what is rewarding, not material things.

seven201 · 25/12/2020 15:26

Maybe next year make it clear that Santa only picks one thing from a list.

grassisjeweled · 25/12/2020 15:28

Don't expect gratitude until they're at least 30

Whatwouldscullydo · 25/12/2020 15:29

Shes five and overwhelmed amd over tired.

Uts alot of pressure to "perform" every year for eagerly awaiting reaction parents.

Just give her some time and space . Tomorrow perhaps explain how her behavior was rude and that if things are getting too much its ok to just go and have some quiet time in her room.

Fwiw my kids never really passed witg their stuff on Xmas day. Stuff got opened then they watched TV. They were played witg and looked at properly in the few days after Xmas in their own time.

Christmasfairy2020 · 25/12/2020 15:30

Santa brings one gift mum.and dad and others send rest

Testcentremum · 25/12/2020 15:34

When my son was 8, he wrote to Santa and asked for a million pounds! He was sadly disappointed on Christmas day but seemed happy enough with a new school bag, CD and a game. (However, now an adult, he does remind us of the disappointment he had in FC that year!)

I am a Reception teacher, and I speak to the children every year about saying thank you and showing gratitude for all gifts. I remind the children that Father Christmas and family members will be upset and sad if you don't seem pleased and say thank you. Being a kind and polite boy/girl is what makes mummy and daddy proud of them.

I am sure in the excitement, this message is not always remembered.

Thewiseoneincognito · 25/12/2020 15:40

My DN after opening a mountain of presents from her parents and wider family and another mountain from me and DP turned to me and said ‘did you get me anything else?’ Hahaha she was 4 and has no clue whatsoever how fortunate she is, at that age it’s funny, it’ll be another thing though if when she’s 14 and doing that.

BigIAm · 25/12/2020 15:43

Please don't despair, my two were exactly the same. I ended up giving them a bit of a lecture at breakfast. I think they get a bit overwhelmed with it all. As do we, I suspect!

Tickledtrout · 25/12/2020 15:48

I have three daughters. My third is wired that way. Simply hold your line. Ha ha sweetheart. Aren't you lucky to have what you have. We love you lots. It's insecurity I think too. S
She's grown into the most " popular" of my children; social standing is important to ger. She also has a heart of gold and is a fantastic present buyer. You're still the most important person in her life - nurture and guide her with compassion

Tickledtrout · 25/12/2020 15:48

Typos!

SionnachRua · 25/12/2020 15:52

Very normal activity for schools and preschools to do, I don't have a problem with it. It's a shame that the 5 year old was disappointed but sounds like she's over it now and that it might have been down to overexcitement on the big day.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 25/12/2020 15:54

That's not completely normal at all.
They do build it all up in their head and get all excited, but if all their complaints are "they're not big enough" then that's a spoilt, ungrateful child.
At 5, she is old enough to understand that Santa brings one gift but the rest are paid for by mum and dad and toys arent cheap. My kids have never reacted that way and they'd have a very different christmas the next year if they did.

LunaLula83 · 25/12/2020 15:55

Well of course she's welcome to return them and gift to children who have mothing.

Notcrackersyet · 25/12/2020 15:56

OP apparently my DSD was the same. I opted out of Christmas this year so I didn’t see but I was fully anticipating it as we didn’t get everything on her very long list.
I imagine she’ll perk up eventually.
I tried to lay the ground that she’d asked for a lot of stuff but she was not open to understanding. She thinks writing to Santa is like ordering on Amazon.
I spent feckin ages helping her dad source everything. It’s best I wasn’t there this morning!!

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 25/12/2020 15:58

My youngest this morning had a big gift (go kart) which he didnt unwrap until the end. I expected him to go for the big one first. The first thing he unwrapped was a godzilla, and he ran over to hug me and had a good play with it before moving on. The oldest got straight onto building his lego and I know he wanted more sets because he had given options on his list. He got 3 and was just happy; there waant even a minute of "but what about the others I asked for".

I dont know how people end up with kids who just expect more and more.

katy1213 · 25/12/2020 16:06

Awful thing for the school to do - and I can imagine that if it's done at school, the children believe it's 'official.' Not helpful when so many are struggling.

TomasinaTiers · 25/12/2020 16:06

That’s actually a stupid thing to do by the teacher

Really stupid to raise kids’ expectations like this

I’d give some (calm) feedback about this to the school

Whydoelephants · 25/12/2020 16:09

I had similar with dd. She’s also 5. Was utterly delightful and grateful for all her gifts and we kept a couple back for after lunch. She opened a huge marble run that I thought she’d be thrilled with but cried and said that’s boring! I suggested she swap it for one of my presents and gave her the washing up sponges I received (don’t ask!)....she was thrilled...all tears gone and she’s put them in a special place for when she needs them. Kids are totally overwhelmed (& a bit weird!)

thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2020 16:17

It has been a tough year for kids and I wouldn't come down that hard on her but I have to say my DD would never have said she hates her presents. I do think you need to be lovingly firm with her that she's lucky to be getting things and that isn't on...

thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2020 16:18

And yes incredibly stupid thing for the school to have done! Beggars belief tbh...

Witchend · 25/12/2020 16:21

I dont know how people end up with kids who just expect more and more.

That isn't a fair comment. Sometimes I've said something in a flip moment, and they've taken what I said (or even what I definitely didn't say) as gospel.
Or something a friend has said ("I closed my eyes when I posted my letter and I did that last year and got everything so I'm doing that again").
Or something they've watched on TV. I remember my dc watching Noddy Saves Christmas, and one of them was adamant for years that was exactly how Father Christmas did it.

Mine have never really gone in for Christmas lists, and have normally been very happy with what they've got. However I can remember one year desperately trying to get High School Musical pyjamas for one. I searched everywhere and eventually found one. My normally very grateful dd opened them and burst into tears-they were shorts type pyjamas and apparently her friend had told her that shorts type pyjamas were uncomfortable at some point over the year.
I said I'd take them back, and exchange them. Two days later she decided to try them and three days later she told me that next time she wanted short pyjamas as they were far more comfortable.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6