Gifts to/from teacher

[OhWhatFun12]

Did your child get a gift from their teacher? If so, what was it?

If your child got a gift and you’re in the ‘teachers don’t need gifts just for doing their jobs’ camp, do you not feel bad that teacher has likely spent £30+ and you won’t even spend a quid on a chocolate orange or something?

Asking because I’m a teacher. I work in a school where kids always get a gift off the class teacher. I usually get a good selection of gifts but this year I only got 6. It’s made me feel a bit shit tbh. I spent £40 and several hours making and wrapping individual resin keyrings for each of my children and I just feel a bit...unappreciated and am questioning whether the parents just don’t like me. It’s been a tough bloody term and I’ve worked really hard to make the kids feel safe, happy and make progress.

I know that there is a pandemic but none of the parents have lost their jobs and I really don’t think a small gift is a lot to ask. Yes, I’m doing my job but I also spend 32 hours a week with these children and have a relationship with them...surely that’s the sort of person in your life that children should be taught it’s nice to buy gifts for?!

Anyway, that’s my first world grumble. I was annoyed yesterday and am still festering on it today so wanted some other opinions.
Have name changed, obviously, as I know the official party line for school staff is ‘just a homemade card with a nice message is a lovely gift’ and it’s likely that an avalanche of shit may well fall on me in this thread. Also, I know I am being a completely grabby CF - but I feel this way anyway! AIBU?

I never buy the teachers gifts at Xmas. But I always get them something at the end of the school year.

@Jellycatspyjamas

Why should she need to?

She said she couldn’t afford to buy gifts. Emails are free. Not sending an email isn’t a case of can’t afford to, it’s a case of can’t be arsed to. Be honest about how little consideration you give to people who give SO MUCH to your child.

One of my dc sent in gifts, my youngest dc refused because he doesn't like his teacher. I wouldn't force him to give a gift to somebody he doesn't like

I am a teacher - you are being ridiculous, in fact I am questioning how true this can be! Many parents are short of money, time and are under stress as we all are! I also think buying gifts for kids is also daft. I usually buy a box of celebrations and we have a bit of fun in the afternoon. That is all that is needed. I have had a few little gifts; it is nice but it is unnecessary.

Oh yes, we like emails to the head! One of my most treasured communications is from a parent thanking us for working so hard with her child and that she had had such a great year.

Your post reads badly and grabby, but if you were quietly reflecting that in previous years you were given over 20 gifts, but this year it is 6, I’d mull over if it reflected my teaching to this group and if parents were feeling underwhelmed by me, if it was just a cohort thing or whether all is fine with the teaching but parents have too many other worries this term than teacher gifts. If you were reflecting through that prism you wouldn’t be posting though, so this just sounds grabby.

Op, your posts just get worse. It's mortifying that parents might think that your attitude is typical of most teachers. Why on earth should we expect an email for doing our jobs? Of course it's great when this happens but we shouldn't expect it, let alone demand it.

Thank almighty fuck this doesn't happen at DS' school.
No gifts from teachers.
No gifts to teachers.

The most we do is DS makes a card/poem/origami bookmark (those little triangle ones, piss easy) on a theme the teacher likes, eg basketball. At the end of the year, not Christmas.

I teach adults, Christmas is phenomenally busy for me and I feel stretched in all directions, bunging a bland box of chocolates/biscuits (I don't know if they're dieting, boycotting Nestlé, allergic to nuts...), a shit smellies collection (which may cause eczema, pong badly...) or a fucking candle (do they have DC? Cats? A minimalist house?) is sooooo far down on my list of Shit To Do Before 24/12.

So, boo fucking hoo to you, lady.

Be honest about how little consideration you give to people who give SO MUCH to your child.

I give a lot of consideration to the teachers who are paid to educate my child, there is literally no obligation to give a huge, or send an email to people who are being paid to do a job. Presumably you get feedback from your manager on your performance, so you know whether you’re doing a good job.

I may or may not email about my kids teachers but the head teacher knows my views about them.

@OhWhatFun12 I sent cards to both, thanking them for everything they do. I always give end of term gifts too.

I know so many parents who give these grand gestures at Christmas whilst the rest of the year they email the teacher moaning about any rules the teachers have put in place.

Normally we’ve sent in small gifts to the teachers.

This year we didn’t.

The school sent out messages saying that children weren’t allowed to bring in Christmas cards because of COVID, so I assumed that this applied to gifts for the teachers as well. And I don’t have the teacher’s emails, so we couldn’t send e-vouchers either.

I did notice some children bringing in gifts on the last day though, so I wondered if I’d misunderstood the messages from the school 🤷‍♀️

I don’t know any teachers who don’t buy gifts for their classes.

Slight derail, but this is interesting.

In Ireland, not done at all - teachers don't buy kids presents.

But usually there's a class present €10 from each child typically. Teacher then gets decent voucher plus flowers or similar.

About the OP's point, tbf, I can see why she feels this way. If the parents are affluent, why can't they show their appreciation in some small way?

OP you do understand this is your chosen job yes? Teachers work hard of course they so but you aren't the only hard working profession or the only one working hard for other people children. You presumably got more gifts than any other ADULT at work.

I used to teach and did a token class gift (something very small), and as is the custom often received a few little bits in return. It would never occur to me to make it about people not liking me at the best of times, let alone during these financially strained times. In all honesty I used to wish nobody would bother, I don't like the pressure on families to get a teacher a gift. The staffroom/my house was ultimately just full of biscuits and cheap wine and choccies we ended up divvying out to our wider families over xmas to get them used up and it becomes a struggle to find places to keep all the sentimental gifts (bracelets kids have made over years, trinkets you would never display at home etc) because you don't want them but feel bad binning them. Cards were more han ample and very lovely.

Someone turning up with a gift doesn't mean they necessarily specifically like you does it after all, it means they are following a custom. Absolutely no need to make it about anything personal and very strange to be so grabby about it.

I have always bought my dd's teacher and ta a gift but then school shut 2 weeks early and all had to isolate so l couldn't give them anything this year. Plus so many rules this year that some schools have said no gifts and some haven'tsaid that so maybe there is confusion. Plus 100's of 1000's of people have lost their jobs this year so people might not be able to or they have just got more things to worry about. I do teach my daughter about getting joy out of giving gifts but as we all know, this year has been an unprecedented one. Better luck next year OP.

I do, however, think that children should be taught to buy gifts for people that have big and significant roles in their lives

How very materialistic of you.

I prefer to teach my own children the importance of manners sand saying please and thank you, and never, ever expecting someone to give you a gift.

The very best gift I have ever received from a child at school was when one child come to me, unprompted, and thanked me for teaching them to speak English when they were in Reception (I really hadn't!) but those few words were worth 1000 boxes of chocolates IMO.

I think you need to get more of a life outside of work, OP. You've only taught these DC for about 12 weeks. They really don't have to be giving you Christmas gifts. And also, just because their parents may not have lost their jobs, doesn't mean they feel comfortable spending on unnecessary things. Who knows what's going to happen to the economy on the next few months and years. As a teacher you are looking at more stability than most.

I'm a secondary school teacher and this thread is making me cringe.

It's just a job, yes it's a different job to sitting in an office all day, and there are stressful aspects to it, but it's just a job.

I never expect anything from my students or parents, I don't even expect a thank you email. Why? Because I'm just doing my job

I've met very few teachers who "just" do their job, they generally go far beyond that.

I bought something for the whole staffroom, rather than the individual teacher. It takes a village!

Our school asked for no gifts, because the teacher has been amazing this term I emailed a gift card to her but if I got the slightest impression she expected something I wouldn’t send!

I do end of year gifts. I didn’t think teachers would want to be carrying home a load of crap at the moment? I didn’t think we would be allowed either. They’re not allowed school books or pencil cases so why are gifts allowed?

I do think teacher gifts have got out of hand..

I tend do do a voucher for the local book shop at the end of the year.

I am a teacher and OP, you do not represent my views or any of my teacher friends or colleagues.

Do not expect presents or feel in any way put out for not getting them. I got a lovely card from a student who was very specific about how I had helped her this year and that was worth more than any number of mugs or chocolate bars or any present I can think of really.

I teach older kids so wouldn't give them presents anyway but I give of myself in so many ways all of the time and occasionally as with the card above this is appreciated (which is not why I do it). Recently got a message via Facebook from a pupil I taught in my v first year of teaching over 20 years ago.

Teaching is hard but it really is rewarding. I suspect a teacher who feels done by for a lack of Christmas gifts probably feels hard done by in many other ways and is possibly in the wrong job.

I’m a teacher in a High School. I don’t expect anything. I’ve never received a single Christmas gift and each year I have approx. 150 pupils. I really wouldn’t want 150 boxes of chocolates/candles.

I didn’t buy my DC’s teachers anything this year. I sometimes buy end of year gifts, but not always. This year I really can’t be bothered.

@OhWhatFun12

What do I want them to do? I want them to buy me a present!

I haven’t said anywhere I want to be top of anyone’s priority list, just grab an extra item with your Tesco shop.

Wow - as a teacher I am embarrassed by your attitude. You sound incredibly immature and think the world owes you a living.

Where I work many families are struggling, or just exhausted and stressed.
It isn't as simple as grabbing another item with your Tesco shop. It's being able to afford it, deciding on the right gift, wrapping it and getting it to school.
Perhaps for some people that is one more stress they could do without.

Never once had a gift off a teacher but if your doing it to get stuff back off children shame on you.

You do NOT have access to others finaces and can not say at all whos employed or has money issues so you need get that out of your head for a start - the entitlement is litrally insane.

People in other jobs dont get gifts just for doing their job, they especially dont expect 30 or so gifts.

@OhWhatFun12

There’s another post at the moment where a manager hasn’t bought their staff gifts but has, instead, donated to a charity. There are numerous posts from people saying that they would have preferred the gift and the OP did the wrong thing. Why are those people not being labelled as grabby?

Just another example of why teachers are expected to be saints that give and give and expect nothing in return. The fact that numerous people have accused me of not really being a teacher is symptomatic of this - can teachers not be flawed, selfish people?(if that’s how you interpret my posts?)

parents arent your boss - its not our job.

take janitors in an office building, its their EMPLOYERS job to give them bonuses not the people who work in the building... same with ANY job, your not complaining about a shitty christmas bonus or a terribly choosen office secret santa you want litrally every CLIENT to personally buy you a gift... its embarrasing.