Gifts to/from teacher

[OhWhatFun12]

Did your child get a gift from their teacher? If so, what was it?

If your child got a gift and you’re in the ‘teachers don’t need gifts just for doing their jobs’ camp, do you not feel bad that teacher has likely spent £30+ and you won’t even spend a quid on a chocolate orange or something?

Asking because I’m a teacher. I work in a school where kids always get a gift off the class teacher. I usually get a good selection of gifts but this year I only got 6. It’s made me feel a bit shit tbh. I spent £40 and several hours making and wrapping individual resin keyrings for each of my children and I just feel a bit...unappreciated and am questioning whether the parents just don’t like me. It’s been a tough bloody term and I’ve worked really hard to make the kids feel safe, happy and make progress.

I know that there is a pandemic but none of the parents have lost their jobs and I really don’t think a small gift is a lot to ask. Yes, I’m doing my job but I also spend 32 hours a week with these children and have a relationship with them...surely that’s the sort of person in your life that children should be taught it’s nice to buy gifts for?!

Anyway, that’s my first world grumble. I was annoyed yesterday and am still festering on it today so wanted some other opinions.
Have name changed, obviously, as I know the official party line for school staff is ‘just a homemade card with a nice message is a lovely gift’ and it’s likely that an avalanche of shit may well fall on me in this thread. Also, I know I am being a completely grabby CF - but I feel this way anyway! AIBU?

@OhWhatFun12 I'm not a teacher but I get why you're a bit upset. If I've read correctly, you usually get quite a few gifts (off most children presumably?), but this year you've only received 6, so comparatively less, is that right? So it's left you wondering if there is a negative reason for this and made you feel deflated. I get that.

I mentioned on another thread (not started by me) that my SIL used to buy me a Christmas gift for years and years but stopped a couple of years ago, but continues to buy for my dh and the kids. It upsets me, not because I don't get a gift, but because of the 'message' I think she's trying to send me by excluding me. I think your thread has been misinterpreted as being about the gifts, when it's actually more about being worried if the lack of gifts means that parents are displeased with you in some way.

Surely, surely the OP is not actually a teacher?

I have worked with literally hundreds of teachers over my career and have NEVER met a teacher who felt that way. Almost all would genuinely prefer a card or letter of thanks over a gift - and an email to the HT would be icing on the cake.

Gifts from children or parents are unnecessary but kind. You might occasionally be a bit about a particular gift, but the thought was (mainly) there (eg. I got aftershave one year).

As a primary teacher, I have always given an individual card to each child with a token little gift - chocolate reindeer inside the card or a pencil or pencil topper. It's an attempt to model 'It's the thought that counts' to the children and a personal one-on-one moment of connection with each of them.

You're ungrateful.

6 gifts is far more than many people will get this year. Who says you're significant to them? Just because you spend so many hours with them, doesn't mean they like you.

You clearly do only give to receive and that's terribly depressing.

I work abroad, when I was in U.K. (secondary) I would never have got or expected gifts and would probably have got something very small for my form. Here I got a very generous card which I was clearly donated to by the class parents. It made me cringe a little, I loved the gift but the card only listed the children whose parents had contributed, I hate that sort of pointed message- not everyone can afford to contribute, some parents may just not want to, but I’m not sure I need to know that!! I do understand the logic of the person writing the card - why should I name them if they haven’t given - but I think from all in Class x would have been a bit more diplomatic!

I sent dd in with a box of maltesers for her teacher. That's pretty much what we get every year (we normally get something for the TA but there isn't one this year, and the PPA cover too but I forgot she's only in on Mondays so didn't send it early enough). Dd's teacher gave all the children selection boxes, which dd was thrilled with and she ate it all before I got home!!

Normally all the kids give a present to the teacher, but this year dd said she was one of only 5 to give something.

I think parents are trying to be cautious about handing things over and trying to reduce contacts. I don't think it's about not appreciating you, it's about not wanting to put you at more risk by giving you presents from 30 different households.

Well yes, this is it - if I’m not significant to them or they don’t like me, that’s what I want to know!

Every single day staff handle lost jumpers, help with coats and putting on PE kits, mark books and homework books, change reading books, all sorts of things that have been in different households. I don’t think sending in a gift is making school staff more at risk than we are exposed to daily anyway. Also, if parents are genuinely worried about this - send it in early so it can be quarantined.

@OhWhatFun12

Well yes, this is it - if I’m not significant to them or they don’t like me, that’s what I want to know!

So you measure that by whether they buy you a gift during a global pandemic when many of them will be facing job and income losses? What do you want them to do, send a note telling you that you're insignificant?

Get a grip.

You are a school teacher and you are not the top of their priority list. Just because you teach in an 'affluent area' doesn't mean the parents have spare money/time/energy to give you a gift this year. Do you not realise how ridiculous you sound?

Interesting first post @OhWhatFun12.... I call BS and say that you’re not a teacher!

I explained in my first post why I have name changed...

In our school, the teachers all get the kids a book for Christmas.

We did a class gift (voucher) and then individual gifts (wine, chocolate and hand cream being the most common) for both teacher and TA.

I'm another primary school teacher who finds the op's posts embarrassing. I gave little Christmas presents to the children in my class and will do so again at the end of the year. It's lovely if I get cards and presents back but I don't expect them just for doing my job. If I received fewer than usual, I wouldn't dream of posting on here to complain about it.

What do I want them to do? I want them to buy me a present!

I haven’t said anywhere I want to be top of anyone’s priority list, just grab an extra item with your Tesco shop.

Op you are really over thinking this.

It is probably not about you. Whilst people haven't lost jobs they have been homeschooling for minths, shops were shut in November.

I have sent far less Christmas cards this year

People are playing catch up. Lots of schools have said no gifts so people may not think appropriate.

You really don't know what us going on in these parents worlds - having not lost their job does not equate to all hunky dorey.

I am a childminder, i get gifts off lots of parents tbh i actually prefer the homemade cards above everything else as uts the child not the parent i spend all day with making sure the parents have special Christmas cards etc.

Oh FFS you're joking. You have to be.

Teacher here.

I don't think teachers should get presents for the pupils. The most I've spent is £3 on the 10 chocolate lolly's for a £1 from aldi/ Lidl. Teachers spend enough of their own money resourcing stuff for school/ pupils.

I think with all the different social groups for teachers, Xmas presents to kids and making them amazing has become a competition.

I also don't expect anything for Christmas from the parents of pupils I teach. I think Christmas is an expensive and stressful time of year as it is, without added expense of buying for child's teachers/ TAs etc.

OP you have guts for posting this thread I was secretly thinking the same thing! Most years I get approx 15 presents from families (just small tokens but very much appreciated nonetheless) and this year it was 4. It’s not the lack of presents that upset me, it’s the worry that either I’ve done something wrong with this year’s cohort or that parents believe the lies in the press about lazy teachers. I suspect it’s neither and people are both poorer and busier this year and I’m just overthinking! Either way I’m glad you mentioned it so I know it’s not just me! (And yes I spent my own money on presents for them as usual).

There’s another post at the moment where a manager hasn’t bought their staff gifts but has, instead, donated to a charity. There are numerous posts from people saying that they would have preferred the gift and the OP did the wrong thing. Why are those people not being labelled as grabby?

Just another example of why teachers are expected to be saints that give and give and expect nothing in return. The fact that numerous people have accused me of not really being a teacher is symptomatic of this - can teachers not be flawed, selfish people?(if that’s how you interpret my posts?)

@VashtaNerada

OP you have guts for posting this thread I was secretly thinking the same thing! Most years I get approx 15 presents from families (just small tokens but very much appreciated nonetheless) and this year it was 4. It’s not the lack of presents that upset me, it’s the worry that either I’ve done something wrong with this year’s cohort or that parents believe the lies in the press about lazy teachers. I suspect it’s neither and people are both poorer and busier this year and I’m just overthinking! Either way I’m glad you mentioned it so I know it’s not just me! (And yes I spent my own money on presents for them as usual).

Thank you! Yes, this is it. Glad I’m not the only one!

I’m a teacher and I gave my class gifts because small children appreciate a little token and I enjoy giving. I don’t expect gifts back. I’m not a grabby person. I received some individual gifts and a gift voucher from the class of what I consider to be a considerable amount. Not to mention several emails to me or the head thanking me and other staff. Not expected and I won’t be on here posting grabby posts next year if the gifts and voucher are not repeated!

For what it’s worth, I gave gifts to my DC’s teachers and other school staff because I like to give and can afford it. I also gift to people like my hairdresser etc. Not everyone does or can. It’s not a big deal.

Your OP and replies are embarrassing to me as a fellow teacher.

I didn't this year as quite honestly I couldn't afford it. Also my year 4 dd has 4 teaching staff, split teachers and TA's. My other dd in reception has 4 teaching staff too, so 8 in total. Class what's app wanted £10 per child.
You sound ridiculously childish!

A lot of people are in dire financial circumstances and also feel that they shouldn't send anything in because of Covid. We had quite a few parents asking if they were allowed to give us anything. We smiled and said what a lovely thought but it wasn't necessary, hard times etc. We still got the gifts but we really felt bad as we know the situation of some of our families this year and yet it's always the ones who are most hard up that send something in. This year our PTA gave each class money to do whatever the teacher thought best as we weren't doing proper parties. Our staff chose lovely craft kits. Some also bought crisps etc. In my class, we had a rather complicated and slightly more costly activity (never again!) and the TA and I put money together to buy sweets, crisps, candy canes etc to eat while they watched a film.
We told the children that the kits were a gift from the PTA and the treats were our gift to the class. They were all very happy about it and were pleased to take their masterpieces home. We have had to distribute a very large number of food parcels and contact numerous charities and support groups just so that some of our families will have a Christmas lunch and something to put under the tree. I don't feel it's right to expect anything from them.

@Ellieboolou33

I didn't this year as quite honestly I couldn't afford it. Also my year 4 dd has 4 teaching staff, split teachers and TA's. My other dd in reception has 4 teaching staff too, so 8 in total. Class what's app wanted £10 per child. You sound ridiculously childish!

Did you send a nice email?

Why should she need to?