Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Couple pay for elderly man's sandwich

115 replies

DailyPotion · 18/12/2020 13:39

It's on my local FB group, that an elderly man was queuing to pay for a takeaway bacon sandwich but a young couple had already paid.

Cue loads of posts about how wonderful our community is.

My Dad would be devastated if someone did that for him, absolutely insulted and offended.

Would most people really be pleased?

OP posts:

chunkyrun · 18/12/2020 13:40

I think charity is a private affair, by all means do lovely deeds but I'd hate someone to splash it all over fb

Backbee · 18/12/2020 13:41

Why would he be devastated? I think it's embarrassing to post about it especially if they explain they paid as he was elderly and they assumed vulnerable, but the gesture itself is sweet in isolation of that.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 18/12/2020 13:41

Thats a bit odd isnt it?

MawkishHawk · 18/12/2020 13:42

It’s a nice pay-it-forward type gesture, i think being insulted at being bought a sandwich would be a massive overreaction!!! Although often I think these gestures are mostly about the giver getting a kick out of being generous, otherwise why is it all over Facebook.

peboh · 18/12/2020 13:43

I don't have a problem that they paid, I actually think it's lovely to pay it forward sometimes so I don't get why your dad would be embarrassed. If it happened to me, I'd then pay for the person behind me.
However I don't see the need to post it all over social media, it's just for bragging rights then.

Original poster

DailyPotion · 18/12/2020 13:44

TBF, I don't think it was the donor who put it on FB.

Dad would be really offended to think anyone believed he needed charity.

OP posts:

daisypond · 18/12/2020 13:44

I think it’s a nice thing to do. I don’t understand why anyone would be devastated. Was it not one of these things where you pay for the person behind you in the queue? I’ve read a few articles about that. Community spirit and all that.

WankPuffins · 18/12/2020 13:45

Yeah, it's the putting it all over Facebook that makes me think it's only all for the glory.

My sil is like this. Gives to the food bank, films herself shopping for the stuff, paying for it, dropping it off.

Just do something nice because it's nice, not for the glory.

TheSilentStars · 18/12/2020 13:46

It's just one of the pay it forward things, surely?
Not because they thought he needed charity.

justanotherneighinparadise · 18/12/2020 13:46

Yeah it’s the announcing it on SM that just makes me 🙄

heydoggie · 18/12/2020 13:47

I think it depends on why - the assumption that elderly = vulnerable can be insulting. There are a lot of able-bodied, wealthy older people who give to charity and volunteer.

I think if it was a nice, lets do this for the next person in the queue who might be having a bad day gesture thats one thing but I can see how it could be taken the wrong way.

WankPuffins · 18/12/2020 13:47

My dad is heading towards 90 and is a tight git. He'd just be thrilled that he didn't have to pry open his wallet (not that he would buy a sandwich when he could make it cheaper at home).

daisypond · 18/12/2020 13:47

@DailyPotion

TBF, I don't think it was the donor who put it on FB.

Dad would be really offended to think anyone believed he needed charity.

I really can’t get my head around that mindset. I wouldn’t see an action like that as charity, or, if I was the recipient of such a gesture, that I was in need of charity. I might assume that the person ahead of me was having a fantastic day, for whatever reason, and wanted to spread joy.

PicsInRed · 18/12/2020 13:48

I always wonder how people feel when they're getting a 99p choc bar and are then expected to pay forward a £40 bill for the family behind them. 😂

MawkishHawk · 18/12/2020 13:49

Dad would be really offended to think anyone believed he needed charity
That’s his issue then - why does he think there should be shame or stigma in receiving charity.

If someone did this for me, I’d pay it forward when I could

mowglika · 18/12/2020 13:49

What’s to be insulted about? It’s nothing to do with looking like you need charity. Just accept an act of kindness with grace..

Freshprincess · 18/12/2020 13:52

My dad would be quite bemused. He’s late 70s currently walking with a stick after a hip operation. You might look at him and think ‘aw that poor old man’. He’s loaded, he could afford to treat everyone in the shop. He’s not one to turn down a freebie though and has the hide of a rhino so wouldn’t be embarrassed.

It’s a quite patronizing to assume that an old man can’t afford it by virtue of him being old. Presumably he wouldn’t be in the queue if he couldn’t afford it. I can see why someone might be embarrassed by it.

Splashing it all over FB = crass and attention seeking and presumably the real reason it was done.

TheQueef · 18/12/2020 13:55

Just asked my Dad.
He'd be made up.
He said that could be the Yorkshire though, he estimates 60% of Yorkshire folk would have a fist fight for a free butty.

Sally872 · 18/12/2020 13:57

I would be embarrassed if the couple thought I couldn't afford my own sandwich. I would be pleased if someone wanted to do a random act of kindness.

ajandjjmum · 18/12/2020 14:02

But the couple obviously knew that he could pay for the sandwich, otherwise he wouldn't have been in the queue! It was a nice gesture - surely it can be received as such?

About 50 years ago Mum took us to London for our first visit. We went to the Tower of London and I went into the Gift Shop and chose a postcard to buy for 6d (not a spelling mistake!). When I came to pay the assistant told me that the elderly gentleman infront of me had paid - I can remember chasing after him to say thank you, as Mum watched closely! It was a lovely gesture, and has always stayed with me.

EmpressSuiko · 18/12/2020 14:05

Surely it’s just a kind gesture and not charity so I don’t see why anyone would be offended by that, if anyone had paid for my lunch I’d then offer to pay for someone else’s, it’s nice to do something kind for others if you’re able to, more people should care about those around them.
I try to do nice things when I can or have the opportunities to do so, the smallest gesture can make such a big difference.

Billben · 18/12/2020 14:06

I’m with your dad on this one OP. I’d be insulted.

x2boys · 18/12/2020 14:07

They didn't post the poor man's picture all over Facebook did they? that would piss me off more ,look how generous we are type thing.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 18/12/2020 14:08

@Freshprincess I came on to say exactly the same. My 79yo DF would also be bemused. He still works, has more money than me and my siblings put together and is in decent health. I hate the patronising of old people.

tinselfest · 18/12/2020 14:08

'Couple pay for elderly man's sandwich' is exactly the sort of scintillating headline beloved of our peculiarly insular local newspaper. Along with such gems as:

'Youths leave chip shop without paying'

and

'Woman return home to find that her Aga has been stolen'.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5