Couple pay for elderly man's sandwich

[DailyPotion]

It's on my local FB group, that an elderly man was queuing to pay for a takeaway bacon sandwich but a young couple had already paid.

Cue loads of posts about how wonderful our community is.

My Dad would be devastated if someone did that for him, absolutely insulted and offended.

Would most people really be pleased?

Yeah it's nice to be nice...l as long as you're not humbly telling people on social media you did that Paul

Oh hang on

If I was the recipient of the free coffee I'd think Oh great another social encounter to navigate.

Is it rude to pass on the gift? Would you look grabby if you took the freebie and ordered a load more stuff? Should you approach the giver before they leave the shop to thank them? Will they be pissed off if you don't cry that your faith in humanity has been restored? Do you have to post about it on Facebook?

What a minefield.

Fucking hate virtue-signalling on SM. Love genuine acts of kindness done without a camera though.

The thing is, this paying for the next person is a relatively new thing. An older person will probably not have a clue what's going on.

And yes, the generation above me (so in their 80s) often have a very proud streak. They grew up in a time where self-sufficiency and being able to take care of yourself financially was key. You might help out people in other ways, but actually paying for something for them...no. That would be seen as insulting to the potential recipient for not being able to pay their own way.

'Paying things forward' is also relatively new phrase. A confused and upset older man isn't going to think that way. He's just going to wonder what it is about him that made someone think he needed his snack paying for.

I think it would annoy my dad. He's old, but he's bloody loaded. If someone paid for him, he would be bemused and probably think that some yuppie was just trying to make themselves feel good and go home and tell the story if how they bought lunch for some poor old man, when they actually bought lunch for someone who most likely has more property and money than they ever will have. He'd just find it very very odd.

That's how I'd feel SaraClara . I presume this means I am an "older person" (though I'm only mid 50s).

To me 'paying forward' means doing something for someone when you can. Not buying a coffee or a bacon sandwich for a complete stranger who doesn't need or want that help.

It means things like, me offering to babysit / look after the dc of a younger friend who needs a bit of a break, now my kids are grown and it isn't reciprocal. I can't 'babysit' for the people who helped me out in this way when mine were small, but I like to think that the friends I help now, will perhaps help someone else in 20 yrs time.
It means giving a lift to someone who can't offer me a lift (as they don't drive or don't have a car), and hoping that one day, they will do something nice for someone else, because a) it is just a nice thing to do, but b) because once, maybe 10 or 20 years ago, someone was nice to them.

Paying for the next person in a cafe is just bizarre to my mind. The odds are, if they couldn't afford it, they wouldn't be queuing to buy something in that cafe. You would just be embarrassing them.

Surely this can only work in a ‘here’s money for a the next Blt that’s ordered’ type situation because shops etc can’t just take random money and put it in the till then it won’t square at the end of the day? I bet it’s actually a bit of a ball ache for them!

Also ... all this paying it forward, only the last person benefits. Everyone else is still paying for something so only the ‘baddie’ who stops it benefits

’Paying things forward' is also relatively new phrase.

saraclara No, it isn’t. The concept itself is very old, and the phrase was first coined in 1916.

Yes but it's become a bit of a gimmick now #payingitforward# #randomactsofkindness

I agree with the above points, be kind but don't force an act of kindness on someone so you feel good.

.Be kind to someone because you've identified they can benefit; let the elderly couple go in front of you on a cold day queuing outside Tesco, stay late at work to help a colleague, offer a neighbour a lift, that sort of thing.

I read about a family shopping in tescos and the couple behind said they pay for their whole shop. Probably well intentioned but also potentially making that family feel patronised, obliged to gush thanks and be grateful. They may have felt embarrassed and gawked at by other shoppers.

Donating the same amount anonymously to a food bank would have been kinder and more helpful rather than a grand public gesture.

@SmileyClare

Yes but it's become a bit of a gimmick now #payingitforward# #randomactsofkindness

I agree with the above points, be kind but don't force an act of kindness on someone so you feel good.

.Be kind to someone because you've identified they can benefit; let the elderly couple go in front of you on a cold day queuing outside Tesco, stay late at work to help a colleague, offer a neighbour a lift, that sort of thing.

I read about a family shopping in tescos and the couple behind said they pay for their whole shop. Probably well intentioned but also potentially making that family feel patronised, obliged to gush thanks and be grateful. They may have felt embarrassed and gawked at by other shoppers.

Donating the same amount anonymously to a food bank would have been kinder and more helpful rather than a grand public gesture.

Agree 100%

A lot of these gestures are entirely about the giver, with no real empathy being employed for the recipient.
And again, an elderly person who doesn't use social media will not understand what's going on. And wonder what it is about them that is making someone think they need 'charity'.

Give to an organisation that knows who really needs help and can provide it in a sensitive way. Don't waste your money on someone behind you who doesn't need the help.

And again, an elderly person who doesn't use social media will not understand what's going on.

saraclara And again, it’s nothing to do with social media. It’s an old concept that’s been around a long time; the phrase was coined quite late in 1916... which is of course well before the majority of those alive today.

I think it’s a lovely gesture. I know my dad would be made up. If you don’t feel comfortable about it then do the same yourself and pay it forward.

The man was in the queue himself which clearly shows he had the intention to pay for it, so I don’t see why they would then need to feel offended over it.. but then no one can do anything these days without someone taking offence.

@DailyPotion

TBF, I don't think it was the donor who put it on FB.

Dad would be really offended to think anyone believed he needed charity.

I understand what you mean, if that was the case he could pay for his own and ask the staff to keep the free sandwich for someone homeless, a lot of places do that

Emilyfrost, as people have tried to explain. The words might have been 'a phrase' for a century, but it seems the meaning of them, or the way the are being used on social media, is different from what they mean to many people.

I 100% agree with SmileyClaire and SaraClara