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Original poster

Couple pay for elderly man's sandwich

115 replies

DailyPotion · 18/12/2020 13:39

It's on my local FB group, that an elderly man was queuing to pay for a takeaway bacon sandwich but a young couple had already paid.

Cue loads of posts about how wonderful our community is.

My Dad would be devastated if someone did that for him, absolutely insulted and offended.

Would most people really be pleased?

OP posts:
MynephewR · 18/12/2020 14:12

We were at the seaside once, playing in the arcades. An older couple came up to us and gave DD a big wad of arcade tickets. They had been playing for fun and had no need for any of the toys or sweets so they picked a child and gave away the tickets. DD was delighted and we thought it was such a sweet thing to do. We didn't think that they had given us the tickets because we couldn't afford to buy DD toys Grin

Happymum12345 · 18/12/2020 14:14

I’d be happy if someone wanted to buy me a bacon sandwich! Would rather they didn’t post about it in social media though!

Dagnabit · 18/12/2020 14:17

There are lots of posts on our town page about people thanking the person in front of them at McDonald’s drive thru for paying for their food. I haven’t done it, it would be just my luck to get the bill for a mini bus behind me Grin

I would feel embarrassed and probably wouldn’t pay it forward either because I like to keep myself to myself.

OwlInAnOakTree · 18/12/2020 14:28

It was a random act of kindness, surely, not an act of charity? Odd thing to be offended about. (Putting on social media...I could get offended about that...)

GameSetMatch · 18/12/2020 14:41

I think it’s nice, my Dad is a lolly pop man, he does it because he is bored and loves kids, he often gets little gifts and cups of coffee he’s made up with the little thank yous. I’m sure this man was happy, nobody was saying he couldn’t afford his own the couple just wanted to do something nice.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 18/12/2020 14:51

I don’t think it’s odd to be offended. He might be a very proud man and not want people to assume he’s needy. I think being a lollipop man is different. He’s volunteering his services and it’s nice to say thank you for that.

I think those things that appear on FB are virtue signalling and saying ‘look how generous I am’. I think more of the donor for not putting it on there him/ herself.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 18/12/2020 14:57

The social media bit is a separate issue, but surely this is just a random act of kindness?

I had a lovely lady pay for my coffee/cake in a cafe last year. I was on the phone in the queue, and saying how stressed with work I was. It was so kind of her. I didn't see it as charity, just an act of solidarity! Shortly after that I paid for a woman's parking meter outside my work as she was having real trouble wrestling her toddler into his buggy, and looked like she was on the verge of tears.

We call it "doing a nice" in my circle of friends.

CherryPavlova · 18/12/2020 15:00

Surely most people have paid for others parking when they couldn't find enough change, given a bus fare to someone who's not got enough or bought a coffee for someone who's got their hands full of tiny child?

It's not charity, its reasonable behaviours.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 18/12/2020 15:00

Also, "our cat" has given our neighbour's DC a lot of wee presents this year - daft things like comics, sweeties and so on. The cat got a lovely Christmas card with a beautiful drawing (of her) in return this morning!

CurbsideProphet · 18/12/2020 15:00

Surely it should be done as a "random act of kindness"? So another customer can be offered a free sandwich and be told it is part of a "random acts of kindness" scheme in the local area.

I read about a woman leaving bouquets of flowers in her local area with a note on just saying something "please take these flowers, I hope they make you smile". Other people joined in and started doing similar. Now they were proper random acts of kindness.

Anyoldname12 · 18/12/2020 15:02

Your dad would be offended that someone did a nice thing for him?

I don’t know where I fall on the “charity posts on social media are virtue signalling”. On one hand, yeah I get it. But on the other it maybe encourage others to do nice things, and also I’ve seen many younger social media “influencers” who have been able to gain large followings for doing things like this, and in turn people donate small amounts to said influencer to carry on the acts of giving. A tiktoker with a large following was able to get enough donations to rent an apartment for a homeless lady, meaning she spent her first Xmas indoors in over 10 years. Hell of a lot more difficult to do that without social media.

karala · 18/12/2020 15:03

I think it's a nice thing to do - I've treated people to a coffee before because I'm in a good mood and they've always been delighted. I let people go ahead of me in a queue sometimes too. I'm always pleased when someone does something nice for me -

Chickychickydodah · 18/12/2020 15:08

I think it’s a nice gesture but when people put it on social media it turns it around.
I cannot stand people who constantly post ( look at me I’m wonderful) 🤢🤢.
Thinks should be done from the heart not to brag...

Beautifulbonnie · 18/12/2020 15:08

I hate the social media aspect

Though if someone in front of me paid for my sandwich. I’d be very pleased Grin

Florencenotflo · 18/12/2020 15:19

It's a bit like the posts on Facebook at the moment, people giving away their old stuff. Which is a nice thing to do, but they only want them to go to someone who really needs them. Someone who has had a terrible year or maybe a lady in a refuge somewhere that has nothing.

That was an actual post the other day. There are many people that would be very grateful of the clothes or toys the person has to give away, but they can only go to someone the poster feels is downtrodden enough to be worthy of them? Hmm

SpaceOp · 18/12/2020 15:32

I get it OP. And yes, my Dad would also be uncomfortable in that situation. Old man in queue, having to exit queue because takes a turn and takes a seat - a coffee or tea is a nice gesture. Old man in queue just waiting, seems a bit patronising to an old person.

A lot of the examples people have given on this thread ARE someone doing something nice. But there's almost always a reason - the woman struggling with work/children etc. But to be picked out just because your'e old? My Dad would be horrified. Someone once offered to give him their seat on the tube - perfectly reasonable as he was clearly 70+. He was polite but I could see he was embarrassed as he's the kind of man who would only sit down if every woman and child was seated first.

SpaceOp · 18/12/2020 15:34

@Florencenotflo

It's a bit like the posts on Facebook at the moment, people giving away their old stuff. Which is a nice thing to do, but they only want them to go to someone who really needs them. Someone who has had a terrible year or maybe a lady in a refuge somewhere that has nothing.

That was an actual post the other day. There are many people that would be very grateful of the clothes or toys the person has to give away, but they can only go to someone the poster feels is downtrodden enough to be worthy of them? Hmm

I found MYSELF thinking this earlier in context of a pair of football boots in that it's a brand new pair that we can't return, nice boots and I'd love a child who can't afford these normally to have them. And then I gave myself a sharp slap round the head (virtually) on the basis that who am I to judge who "deserves" a pair of football boots? Will be dropping them into Charity shop as normal.
peboh · 18/12/2020 15:38

Also to be offended that you would need charity is really grinding my gears. It's not something to be ashamed of, especially in the current climate. Also I don't think you can truly look at somebody and know if they need charity or not. That way of thinking is ass backwards to me.

HeronLanyon · 18/12/2020 15:41

Well of course it was a ‘nice’ thing to do but surely they didn’t think it through. May dad or mum (both gone now) would have been mortified if someone had done this when they were just queueing to buy a sandwich showing no sign of need or being in trouble. Condescending !
Bit like I felt (although I tried not to and said an embarrassed flustered thank you) when a young guy stood up for me on the tube. Made me feel awful and as though I must have looked haggard that day.

SpaceOp · 18/12/2020 15:50

@peboh

Also to be offended that you would need charity is really grinding my gears. It's not something to be ashamed of, especially in the current climate. Also I don't think you can truly look at somebody and know if they need charity or not. That way of thinking is ass backwards to me.
I think this is the point though. It's not charity. It's doing something nice for someone who looks like they could use it. Charity is, in my opinion, more about doing something for someone who NEEDS it and/or can't get it any other way.

OP's dad did not feel he looked like he could use it (or need it).

FlibbertyGiblets · 18/12/2020 15:51

How do you know how much to pay?

christmaswoes · 18/12/2020 15:55

It sounds a bit patronising to me.

We've had a load of Sm posts locally offering games consoles/toys etc "to someone who really needs them", it seems like one person does it then it triggers a flurry of similar posts who all seem to be after the Facebook glory.

Couple of years ago we had a couple of homeless brothers living locally and after one person posted on local fb page about taking them something, they got inundated with folk taking them food/clothing (and posting on fb about it!) they got so sick of it they moved elsewhere. They had actually chosen to live that way (had a tent by the river) weren't short of money, and just wanted to be left alone.

TheRealJeanLouise · 18/12/2020 15:57

I don’t think the point of their gesture is that the man behind them looked vulnerable. It’s a pay it forward thing isn’t it. People are doing it all over the country, paying for the person behind/in front of them in the queue. It’s quite a prevalent thing at the moment.

CoffeeRunner · 18/12/2020 16:01

My DF would have been thrilled. He was always touched by the kindness of strangers.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/12/2020 16:11

I'm in my 60s. If someone paid for my sammie I'd be pleased and I'd be sure to 'pay it forward'.

It's a sad pass when people become afraid do random acts of kindness for worrying that they may be insulting someone.

As far as people posting their own 'good works' on FB: "Be careful not to do your good works in public in order to attract attention. If you do, your Father in heaven will not reward you." Matthew 6:1

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