Help me to forget about killing DP

[Ltdannygreen]

DP is currently at home isolating as he was apparently in contact (through his job) with someone that had COVID, he’s already tested negative but apparently has to wait out the isolation period. Let’s just say I’ve had a burning rage to kill him the last few days. We aren’t the living in each other’s pocket type of family so it’s been very testing. He’s been overly helpful to the point I’ve wanted to strangle him, comes to tell me the same things several times a day. He’s interfering in the way I do things that I’ve been doing the last 13 years since dc was born. He’s left The home side of things to me the last 13 years so I’ve established a routine. I appreciate it’s not his fault and he can’t help it but so god help me if I have to hear a rundown off the headlines again I’m gonna lose my shit.

Tell me your ‘I’m gonna kill DP/dh’ stories.... 😩

Toilet rolls push me over the edge . Im forever picking up empty ones rolling around or someone leaving 1 measly piece of toilet roll left on the roll and not thinking to replace it ...gives me the rage . You can guarantee eveytime I go in the bathroom there is some empty toilet roll winking at me .

Also another one . When I get home from work. Hes announced to me all the jobs hes done during the day . Folding a tea towel etc . Im like yes well I do these things also do you want a gold medal. 🧐

The zoning out thing also infuriates me. It’s like I’m not important enough to listen to. He claims he can’t help it and doesn’t do it intentionally but I’d be willing to bet my children that he has never done it to his boss.
Currently want to murder my dh as I’ve just had surgery and can’t do anything so I’m just watching incredulously while dh halfheartedly ‘cleans’ things and I can’t do it properly.

DH is broadly brilliant, but if I have to walk into the kitchen one more time to find cups and dishes piled in the sink when the dishwasher is right there, empty.... well, I won't be responsible for my actions (his view, FYI, is that he DOES load the dishwasher. He just doesn't see the need to do it as he goes. But as far as I'm concerned, almost the ENTIRE POINT of a dishwasher is that you no longer have to live with dirty glasses and plates lying around and that picking them up and bringing them to the kitchen to put in the sink is exactly the same amount of effort as picking them up, bringing them to the kitchen and putting them straight into the dishwasher).

His speed is also driving me crazy and being at home together all the time it is inescapable. "No no, I'll unload the dishwasher/shopping etc while you take dog for walk/bath dd etc). 45 minutes later, having done said task plus a few others, he'll be HALFWAY THROUGH, at best. I've always known he's slow on stuff but usually it's while I'm not there. eg I can clean kitchen post breakfast in about 5 minutes. It takes him 25. But if he does it, usually it's because I'm on school run or heading to work.... So I don't care how long it takes.

Another one... he comes in from bringing the washing off the line , looks at it and then proceeds to asks me if its dry

Oh and he uses me as an extra pair of eyes. Have you seen the baby wipes? Have you seen ds2s cup? Like if you try looking for even one bloody second you will see it stop asking me if I’ve seen something it’s just so annoying. My sons are starting to do it now too. It’s as if they all think I have some special superpower to know where everything is. I don’t. I just look with my eyes. Good god.

Mine can’t hang washing out
Can’t stack a dishwasher
Can’t be trusted with the washing machine as he dyes clothes and it’s either too full or too empty
He has also been caught adding mustard powder ( English) and butter to gravy , that already had too much flour in it ( not cornflour)

If mine ever came to the supermarket with me, he insisted in walking down each aisle, up one and down the other, so that we didn’t miss anything 🙄

I could write an essay, or maybe a book

Just THIS!

The front room has become his office and is full of his shit all the time. I particularly loathe the printer in the floor as an objet d’art which enhances the ambience of the room... not

Mine has the 'Hand it to someone else' gene.
Things like coffee mugs / wraps food packaging he will try and hand to me to be put down / thrown away. I fell for it at first. Now I just look at the mug / wrap in his hand then then back to him until he gets it. Literally he'll be standing by the table and he'll try to hand me his mug for me to put it down. Argghhhhhh!!!

And as for loosing keys, wallets, shoes, sports bags - epic. Again I fell for it at first and helped. Until I found he'd stopped looking and was doing something else. I stopped looking too. Now I let him get on with it. I have tried suggesting he puts keys etc in the same place every time, but that's just beyond his understanding ...............

Mine is self-employed in an industry that wasn’t allowed to work for 3 months of this year. Honestly, I don’t think our relationship would have survived if he’d been at home any longer.

He normally works long hours 6 days a week so most house jobs fall to me (and I’m used to doing them how I want) However, while he was off, he was very keen to show me how much extra effort he was making to be helpful But he’s just so bloody slow at doing anything!! It’s easier for me to just do things myself rather than wait for him to.

But then I’d get “why did you hang the washing up when you knew I was planning to do it? You never let me help with anything” Because I was sick of looking at it sitting in the basket getting in my way while you made yourself an elaborate lunch, that’s why!

@Grimbot

Oh and he uses me as an extra pair of eyes. Have you seen the baby wipes? Have you seen ds2s cup? Like if you try looking for even one bloody second you will see it stop asking me if I’ve seen something it’s just so annoying. My sons are starting to do it now too. It’s as if they all think I have some special superpower to know where everything is. I don’t. I just look with my eyes. Good god.

Mine does this but he uses my brain as a default. Any little inane question automatically gets asked to me as if I’m a walking talking encyclopaedia. I constantly tell him to use his own before asking me or preferably just Google it!

Mine faffs. I can get ready and out of the house in fifteen minutes on my own. It takes him twice as long. And he lists what he's going to do before he does it. He's also convinced that it only ever takes five minutes to get somewhere which means if we ever go out somewhere together from the same house, he leaves it until the very last minute to shift himself.

This is a man with a professional job who needs good time keeping and organisational skills. (He's a large animal vet) I've no idea how he gets on at work.

It's a good job we don't live together. I remind him every so often that I have access to pigs and he shapes up 😂

Mine has the 'Hand it to someone else' gene.
Things like coffee mugs / wraps food packaging he will try and hand to me to be put down / thrown away. I fell for it at first. Now I just look at the mug / wrap in his hand then then back to him until he gets it. Literally he'll be standing by the table and he'll try to hand me his mug for me to put it down. Argghhhhhh!!!

Mine does that too, especially with rubbish. Just put it in the bin yourself ffs. Though if the bin is full he will announce it to me, and not think to empty it. If I'm not there to announce it to he will just put rubbish on top of it.

@Grittlelayrabbit

Rare plants on top of the burial mound, that way they cannot be dug up.

That has made me absolutely howl laughing!

I'd add a few crested newts too just in case so they definitely can't touch the ground 🤣

*Teaching me how to cook an omelette.

When l taught him in the first place.

And just being ‘around’ ALL the time.*

Yes this....I taught ex H how to drive, took ages as he was rubbish at it and nearly killed us on several occasions, then in the years after he passed his test he was constantly telling me how to drive, when to change gears until I could have clobbered him.

Hiding the body is the tricky bit, apparently.

I've already got my childminder and midwife on board for a potential alibi

When he really annoyed me once I reminded him I used to work in a butchers and there was several creative ways I'd get rid of his body and he'd never be found 🤣

I have repeatedly told mine to turn his socks back in the right way for washing so that all the bits of crap that are stuck to the sole (because he hasn’t done his job of hoovering/sweeping...) will wash off rather than staying trapped. But he insists that they have to be washed inside out because the sweat is on the inside drives me barmy.

He takes the bin out on his way out to work but doesn’t put a new bin liner in ‘because he’s not coming back in’ when he could just lift the full bag out of the bin, put a new one in and then take it out

We have designated places where we keep our keys, outerwear, masks etc but he never uses them so every morning he runs around asking me where all his stuff is as if I magically know that his keys are in his coat pocket

Teaspoons.

Fucking teaspoons.

He makes approximately 20 cups of tea per day and every time he uses a teaspoon instead of just putting the bloody thing in the dishwasher he rinses it to ‘save for next time’.

He wastes a ton of water. He lets the water go into the bowl of the spoon which then flirts up everywhere so there are watery spot marks all up the kitchen window. Then he leaves the wet puddling spoon on the side ‘ready’ for his next tea.

I’ve tried to explain if he used all 20 teaspoons we own and they got washed in the dishwasher once a day, it’s unlikely to take up a prohibitive amount of dishwasher space in the cutlery basket. And I wouldn’t have to clean the window, counters and sink endlessly. Or constantly find this teaspoon on the side, festering.

But no - he is ‘being efficient’ by saving the spoon.

FFS!!!!!

If he says “what do you want me to do” one more time...

Pattypan.

I teach textile science. It would depend on the fibre content of the sock! Cotton would absorb throughout, but nylon would keep it nearer the surface of his foot as it is non absorbent.

But washing inside or outside should make no difference. It’s the agitation of the machine that shifts dirt.

OH works very long hours and falls asleep on the sofa in front of the tv and snores loudly every single night. So every single night I tell him to go to bed if he is tired. He then denies he is sleeping or snoring.

He also makes a bloody racket when emptying the dishwasher so that myself and the neighbours know he is doing it. I think he is expecting a round of applause. He’ll be waiting a long time.😀

I think men will be defunct soon. Women will realise they are not worth the effort and grief and we'll only need a few to reproduce.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow when he turns them in the right way to put them on, tons of crap falls out onto the bedroom floor! So the agitation isn’t getting it out, even though I do an extra spin cycle as we don’t have a tumble dryer.