Page 2 | Help me to forget about killing DP

BitchIAmFromChicago · 16/12/2020 20:51

I bought a new cheese grater, one of those small one sided ones with a handle. There I was merrily grating my cheese when DH came over and told me that I was grating it wrong and turned the grater round to the blunt side, sliding the block of cheese up and down pointlessly. He doesn’t eat cheese, has probably never used a grater and I’ve got no idea what got into his head!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 16/12/2020 21:01

My dh sits in the front room in shorts and t shirt with the fire on.

Then in the evening when we’re all in he puts on a fleece and moans he’s hot and we are wasting money. Even though he sits in it all day...

Holothane · 16/12/2020 21:06

I go into the kitchen to make a cup of tea or whatever gets called in and you think that could have waited sigh.

Mammma91 · 16/12/2020 21:12

I stay at home with our toddler, do all laundry, cleaning, cooking, Christmas shopping, running around collecting parcels, paying bills, sorting debt payments, you name it, i do it. He works. (Granted bringing in the money so i can stay home and pays for my driving lessons) BUT he leaves things at his arse. Literally. His attitude is ‘you’ll get it tomorrow won’t you?’ Now i mean he doesn’t run nor empty his bath. Doesn’t get his own clothes or towel.
He may well find himself under the patio next time he dreams of saying those ‘oh you’ll get it tomorrow!’

Ghostlyglow · 16/12/2020 21:15

Points out everything I do wrong (in his opinion) in a more-in-sadness-than-anger type way but then gets really arsey if he thinks he detects even the slightest hint of criticism in anything I say.

PlatinumBrunette · 16/12/2020 21:17

Mine's gone from travelling the world for work every few months, to being at home since March.

He talks non-stop, even narrates what he's doing. Makes huffing, puffing noises ALL the time, plus extra grunting and groaning at random moments to keep me on my toes. And is now obsessed with covid stats which he thinks I need to hear about.
If he lives to the end of this week it will be a miracle.

SymphonyofShadows · 16/12/2020 21:19

You need to dig much deeper than you think, to ensure the body isn’t found

mumwon · 16/12/2020 21:40

I think we need reports on where building foundations are being done & patios - a nice map which can be expanded to street view

Fishfingersandwichplease · 16/12/2020 21:45

Mine keeps talking about getting a new car. So over the last week has shown me every single fucking car for sale online. Reads out the year/engine size/colour/make/model blah blah then wants me to look at it. I have told him to get it down to his 3 favourites and l will look then but no....l need to see every single one. Don't have any interest!!

ilovebagpuss · 16/12/2020 21:51

Mine puts the kitchen to bed as in does the dishwasher and tidies round but when I go in the surfaces are all shitty.
When you have made the effort to do the job why leave the surfaces? It’s like he’s saying that’s it I can’t possibly wipe the surfaces I’ve done enough. But it sort of ruins the effect of the hard part he’s already done! Well not hard but you know the bigger chunk of the tidying is done.

QueenOfTheDoubleWide · 16/12/2020 21:52

@Ltdannygreen

DP is currently at home isolating as he was apparently in contact (through his job) with someone that had COVID, he’s already tested negative but apparently has to wait out the isolation period. Let’s just say I’ve had a burning rage to kill him the last few days. We aren’t the living in each other’s pocket type of family so it’s been very testing. He’s been overly helpful to the point I’ve wanted to strangle him, comes to tell me the same things several times a day. He’s interfering in the way I do things that I’ve been doing the last 13 years since dc was born. He’s left The home side of things to me the last 13 years so I’ve established a routine. I appreciate it’s not his fault and he can’t help it but so god help me if I have to hear a rundown off the headlines again I’m gonna lose my shit.

Tell me your ‘I’m gonna kill DP/dh’ stories.... 😩

Just imagine that with no end in sight! DH was offered early retirement as part of the company changes in response to Covid so is now at home every single day. I feel like my life has been stolen!

Send

ilovebagpuss · 16/12/2020 21:53

@BitchIAmFromChicago I think you need to grate him into tiny pieces

KatyaZamolodchikova · 16/12/2020 21:55

I have turned not into my mother, but my father.

DH has had three days off after having the weekend off too. I have been working from home, the last three days as I have been doing for the last 9 months. In the last three days I have spent as much time working as I have turning the lights off after him. I went to the bathroom two hours after he was last in there, the light blazing away to itself. I can see the kitchen light from where I sit in the living room (he can’t), and as far as I can tell he is physically incapable of turning it off. Landing light upstairs, shining away down the stairs into the living room, as he cheerily pootles out of the front door to do his Xmas shopping.

This has always been a weekend and evening problem, but lord almighty, five whole dark winter days of it is is unbearable.

WinterGarden633 · 16/12/2020 22:02

Mine has this bizarre inability to follow The Stair System; if something is at the bottom and it should be at the top, take it with you when you next go up. If it is at the top and should be at the bottom, take it with you when you next go down.
Simple, yes?
I am married to a man who I have seen with mine own eyes JUMPING OVER the laundry basket and three pairs of shoes at the bottom of the stairs and has still said “Oh, do they need to go up? I didn’t see them...”
Does anyone else have husbands who claim that the Stair System is a complete mystery?

Graphista · 16/12/2020 22:05

oh bless you both!

My lovely ex in laws are one of the most happily married couples I know but when ex fil retired (against his wishes really he worked a manual job and he became unable to keep up really) but he had worked long shifts most of his working life and ex mil had like you run the show at home on her own terms for over 20 years.

This happened when I was newly wed to ex and I (and the dd and other dil's) got several calls from my normally very even tempered, laid back and adaptable mil starting "I am honestly going to kill him!"

He was similarly going "stir crazy" and calling the "boys" giving it "I'm going off my nut with boredom!"

Well, he had a birthday during this time period so all we "kids" and their partners/spouses clubbed together and got him a shed and kitted it out with a workbench etc. Is something like this an option for the pair of you?

This did seem to alleviate the tension somewhat.

Difficult during covid times but also they each at our suggestions joined various clubs and hobby groups outside the house to get a break from each other. (This came about after a particularly trying day for them both when her solution was 3 trips to Tesco in one day! )

They're both fine now, but it was an...interesting...point in their relationship.

Mind you my 18 year old daughter is the same. I wince and inwardly scream when I see her putting stuff on the airer, it's all over the place and scrunched up.

Ha! I've been flamed for this on here but my dd from around 12/13 did her own laundry!

Came about due to an argument over me apparently not washing the Exactly right school polo top (all out the same pack/set but apparently a particular one of these was a favourite as somehow softer? I didn't notice the difference myself clearly) so I showed her how to separate and launder and how to use the machine and said she could very well do her own! She actually really liked it! Found it a meditative job that calmed her after a stressful day (yes she's weird!) and meant she could wash not only uniform as she wished but the clothes she wanted to wear of a weekend (this being the age this sort of thing became important to her) it also taught her indirectly the benefits of checking care labels BEFORE buying an item of clothing and therefore not landing herself with something that needed hand washing or dry cleaning as she learned to appreciate what a faff that can be. I also got her an airer for her own room (she had a decent sized room so she could hang it as she wished - which also taught her that just flinging it on any old how when she could finally be bothered wasn't ideal! mainly as it resulted in clothes needing ironing whereas I shake and hang my stuff flat as poss and avoid ironing wherever possible.

At 18 yours is certainly old enough to manage her own laundry inc the hanging/drying of it and can leave yours well enough alone?

My own dd had on occasion before this also tried to be "helpful" and wash things of mine and either shrunk them or colour run them!

Much easier to do our own!

An awful lot of these are examples of "strategic incompetence" though aren't they? And "mansplaining" too

I wouldn't and didn't put up with that. Ex tried it on early in marriage I just laughed and went "nice try now do it properly" or if it was something of little matter to me left it done half arsed! Mainly things that affected him so if he eg didn't wash his sports kit or forgot to put his lunch in the fridge once made it was his lookout if he had an upset stomach or had to buy lunch or his kit wasn't ready when he wanted it and smelt rank! He soon learned not to disadvantage himself

I will say he always did an excellent job of shoe shining, cleaning down worktops, polishing and dusting and cleaning the windows - but he was army raised and worked so I suspect a lot came from that.

Having recently watched Downton abbey again I think it's clear the reason the marriages of the upper class tend to have more longevity is far more to do with the ability to avoid each other easily in a large house rather than class per se!

dd used to wander around with a strappy vest top, shorts and flip flops on in the depths of winter and whack the heating on all day! Now I can have it on just when I want as I have the sense to dress appropriately for the season!

All of this perfectly illustrates why I'm much better living alone!

@Mammma91 that's beyond the lighthearted tone of much of the thread imo that's appalling behaviour on his behalf

roarfeckingroarr · 16/12/2020 22:13

Wow. Mine is actually brilliant at hanging clothes on the airer. He's so methodical and always pairs socks so they hang next to each other. I remind myself of it when he's annoying.

emeraldcity2000 · 16/12/2020 22:14

@WinterGarden633

Mine has this bizarre inability to follow The Stair System; if something is at the bottom and it should be at the top, take it with you when you next go up. If it is at the top and should be at the bottom, take it with you when you next go down. Simple, yes? I am married to a man who I have seen with mine own eyes JUMPING OVER the laundry basket and three pairs of shoes at the bottom of the stairs and has still said “Oh, do they need to go up? I didn’t see them...” Does anyone else have husbands who claim that the Stair System is a complete mystery?

This this this. He's a fully functioning human with two degrees. A senior management job. But he can't work the effing stair system. Or sort cutlery in the dishwasher.

Original poster

Ltdannygreen · 16/12/2020 23:00

@QueenOfTheDoubleWide

Poor you, DP is only 36 so no chance to retire yet. Worst part was he’d only Gone back to Work last Monday after being off sick for getting injured in the job, so I’d just got him out of my hair and 5 days later he was back 😩

OP posts:

36degrees · 16/12/2020 23:05

Mine is a mouth breather by day and snorer by night. I can hear him breathing over the sound of the washing machine through a closed door, from upstairs. I've been surviving on 2-3 hours sleep a night and no chance of a catch-up nap in the daytime. If I sleep on the sofa he gets offended. I can't say anything because he can't help it, it's medical .

I'm in a constant state of fight, flight or freeze because I was abused in a previous household by someone who would huff and puff aggressively at me. I don't think any court in the land would find against me.

ghostmous3 · 16/12/2020 23:16

At 18 yours is certainly old enough to manage her own laundry inc the hanging/drying of it and can leave yours well enough alone?

Oh trust me shes done her own washing from about 15 and shes now at uni so more than capable of doing her own washing. I dont do it for her anymore. It's just the fussy perfection part of me that cant bear looking at a messy airer 🤣

Shes also pretty good at helping out..there are six of us in the house and both dp and I working. In the five months she had off before uni she helped me out no end including with washing things like towels and duvet covers as well as her own as she was bored. I wasnt complain about a messy airer even though I was like argh!

Graphista · 17/12/2020 01:06

Ahh that's fair enough then. Surprised she hasn't figured it out for herself!

I remember being very amused to overhear a 15 year old dd showing a friend in her room how to hang laundry "so it dries quick and thoroughly and you hardly have to iron it" when said friend had the shock of being told she had to start doing her own laundry at least on occasion as her single parent mum had found a job now that her youngest sibling was high school age and mum no longer needed to worry about finding reliable affordable childcare (hens teeth where I am!). Dd was doing that cute thing kids do of trying to sound super grown up

changedmynameforChristmas · 17/12/2020 01:27

Many years ago my next door neighbour told me she was dreading the day her husband retired. I did not understand what she meant but i do now !

grassisjeweled · 17/12/2020 01:41

Oh god tell me about it.

I was making soup earlier and DH strolls in and starts stirring :'Needs more oil', he announces.

This is the man whose speciality is shepherd's pie.

LEAVE the soup. I almost growled

Paranoidmarvin · 17/12/2020 07:05

Here’s one. See if u can answer me this. Why does every fucking thing have to be bloody ‘soaked ‘. Ohhhhh I’m soaking it. In a whole bowl of dirty cold water.

Yes. You can tell that’s what I woke up to. I don’t do anything about it anymore. And I just work round it till he does something about it.

Yes things need soaked sometimes. But not everything. And just stick that bloody plate in the dishwasher where it will do it’s job just fine.

And breathe ...................

ivfbeenbusy · 17/12/2020 07:49

Clothes that make it everywhere BUT the wash basket

Towels that are just thrown at the towel rail - and why does he need 4 fucking towels every time he has a wash

Emptying the dishwasher but not putting the dirty dishes that are on the counter above it in the dishwasher

Emptying the bin liner but not putting a new one in

Gets a new bowl out every time he feeds the cats - to the point anyone would think we are running a fucking cattery with the amount of bowls on the floor

Only ever completing 50% of a job