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Original poster

my lovely colleague has died very suddenly of blood cancer

102 replies

JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 16:16

He was only in his early 50s and one of the children is still at home.

I had no idea there was such a thing as a sudden blood cancer and of course I am wondering if the care offered was affected by the impact of the pandemic on staffing.

He was such a great support to me during a very difficult period this year and I'm angry that evil people live and he's dead. All a bit pointless emotions I guess.

anyway, it's obviously not my tragedy but if anyone wants to sit down on a bench with me that would be lovely.

OP posts:
KeyboardWorriers · 14/12/2020 16:19

Oh I am sorry, what a horrible shock for you and everyone who knew him

spiderlight · 14/12/2020 16:19

So sorry. What an awful shock for all who knew him. Offering a handhold Flowers

Tiredpigeon · 14/12/2020 16:20

Really sorry for your loss, it's always especially difficult when it's so sudden.

hellswelshy · 14/12/2020 16:20

So sorry op Flowers One of my lovely colleagues died 2 years ago at age 50, heart attack, very unexpected. It's a shock. It took me a while to get my head around it, even though we weren't best mates, he was part of my work family. Sending love.

sarahC40 · 14/12/2020 16:23

Really sorry to hear about this sad shock, op. It’s terrible to lose people to young and the suddenness is horrible. Sending a shoulder.

JanetBalloonist · 14/12/2020 16:24

Just because you weren’t close family doesn’t mean it isn’t your tragedy. What a horrible shock for you Thanks

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 16:26

oh thank you.
I am actually pretty upset but don't want to be a drama queen with workmates, most of whom are very junior to me.

OP posts:
Bytheriogrande · 14/12/2020 16:26

I'm sorry for your loss op Flowers two former colleagues of mine have died suddenly this year, one in his forties the other in his fifties. They were both really lovely blokes. It's so sad

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 16:26

... so the handholds from you guys are appreciated.

And - not an original thought I know - cancer really can go fuck itself.

OP posts:
SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 14/12/2020 16:27

It is also your loss if you are sad and will miss him. Budge up. Large behind parking and fat little hand hold. Flowers

Rainbowshine · 14/12/2020 16:33

I have had to deal with two deaths in service this year, it’s horrible in normal circumstances but this year has been even worse. It’s ok to mourn and acknowledge that you have emotions even at work. We have said to colleagues that if they need some time off or need support to let us know. Have you got a decent manager or HR team at work?

If you’re not able to speak to colleagues does your work have an employee assistance programme or helpline you can use? As well as Mumsnet of course. Flowers

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 16:34

aw, thanks.

it's better to chat on here.

I had a false accusation made against me this year by a truly horrible man and this colleague stood up for me and told me how angry he was on my behalf, so I was very touched by that and that may be partly the cause of the personal feelings. I had written to him just a week ago to tell him the accusations had been dismissed and got his out of office saying he was ill. So I don't know if he knew how much I appreciated his support.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 14/12/2020 16:35

Thanks I'm sorry for your loss, good idea to come here for a handhold.

I lost a colleague this year - he wasn't someone I was especially close to, as he was in another country but one of those people who was always a pleasure to deal with. I knew he was off sick a while ago but hadn't realised how serious - it knocked me sideways when I heard he'd died.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 14/12/2020 16:37

We too have had two deaths at work. It affected everyone deeply.

Have you spoken to your colleagues? They may be feeling the same. Flowers

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 16:38

ah thank you Errol that's nice.

We are a bit of a "wild west" entrepreneurial organisation with little job security so I doubt his family will have much if anything in the way of benefits. I think our founder may do something privately as he is now in a position to do so but it makes you think about that side of things too, whether they had paid off their mortgage, whether the children have got to build up big debts, all that sad stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 16:41

I'm not sure how many of them appreciated him Sheldon.

We're in a regulated profession (even though we are at the "wild west" end of it!) and he was the person you had to go to if you thought you had screwed up and it might be necessary to tell the insurers or the regulator. So you need a person of great integrity in that role and you really appreciate such a person when you find them, as it makes the whole workplace much more wholesome when you feel someone has your back and that you can tell them the whole truth.

OP posts:
Roomba · 14/12/2020 16:45

I'm sorry, OP, how horrible.

This happened to my dear friend's Dad earlier this year too. He became very unwell suddenly and they thought it must be Covid due to his symptoms. He was rushed to hospital, tests done and they found it wasn't Covid at all but a very aggressive blood cancer. He died a few days later as nothing could be done for him. Just awful.

You've had a terrible shock, be kind to yourself. I felt the same when a colleague dies very suddenly. It can really shake you.

ErrolTheDragon · 14/12/2020 16:47

Not being able to say goodbye properly (if at all) doesn't help, does it?

Rainbowandscarlett · 14/12/2020 16:50

We lost someone just before lockdown
He was a top lad and first we knew of it is when my boss put up a notice on our work fb page-I remember thinking that you don’t joke about this as it’s not funny and couldn’t be true-but it was
From what I could gather he’d gone to bed,had a fit and choked on his vomit
He was the same age as my eldest child (24) and it’s such a waste of a life
He’s very much missed by us all-he’s never going to be forgotten

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 14/12/2020 16:50

If he was how you describe him Op then I’ll bet they did in their own way.

Integrity is rare in my place of work and everyone is out to cover their own behinds.

You must have felt great knowing someone like that was in your corner.

The world can be bloody cruel sometimes Flowers

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 16:56

You have absolutely nailed it Sheldon.

Most of us have worked in shitty places before so we enjoy working where we are now despite lack of benefits like life cover etc.

And this healthy culture all depends on the integrity or lack of it in people with these sorts of roles.

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 14/12/2020 16:57

So sorry op. I lost a very dear colleague some years ago and think of him often. It’s so tough. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I too hadn’t heard of ‘sudden blood cancer’. You’ll keep memories close to your heart. A note to his family would be really lovely. I know from experience when loved one die it’s lovely to get glimpses into what they meant to different parts of their lives.

Smallgoon · 14/12/2020 16:59

I'm sorry OP. Some of my favourite people in the world have been ex or current colleagues. I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if one of them suddenly died.

Bonsai49 · 14/12/2020 17:00

I’m sorry OP - I’ve lost 2 former colleagues in recent years - I still think of them regularly - cancer has a lot to answer for x

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 17:03

these are really nice messages, much appreciated.

OP posts:
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