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Original poster

my lovely colleague has died very suddenly of blood cancer

102 replies

JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 16:16

He was only in his early 50s and one of the children is still at home.

I had no idea there was such a thing as a sudden blood cancer and of course I am wondering if the care offered was affected by the impact of the pandemic on staffing.

He was such a great support to me during a very difficult period this year and I'm angry that evil people live and he's dead. All a bit pointless emotions I guess.

anyway, it's obviously not my tragedy but if anyone wants to sit down on a bench with me that would be lovely.

OP posts:
Noidea2114 · 14/12/2020 17:04

Of course it will be a shock if it was sudden. It will take awhile to take in.
I lost a colleague a few years ago. Spoke to her at 5.30pm with her telling me we will discuss something
in the morning. She died of a brain hemorrhage at 7pm. It took me ages to get over it.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 14/12/2020 17:04

I think heron’s idea is lovely.

A small note to say how well he was thought of and perhaps a wee story of how he made your life better would mean a lot I think.

Nothing will take away the pain from the loss of a loved one but knowing he made a difference to people would put a little sunshine back to a sad heart. It would for me anyway.

Some people touch the world with a little bit of shine wherever they go. That is a gift.

BigGlasses · 14/12/2020 17:05

I'm so sorry OP. I lost a colleague 2 years ago. Although he was ill and I suspected it was probably terminal (brain tumour) it was still a huge shock when he passed. I think of him often. He was the most wonderful kind person. I was tidying numbers in my phone over the weekend and I still don't have the heart to delete his number even though I'm sure it will be reallocated now.

SingingSands · 14/12/2020 17:05

I'm sorry about your colleague OP, offering another hand-hold here from me.

It's not the job we love, it's the people we work with. I still think of a colleague who died years ago shortly after retiring. I picture her whizzing around the Yorkshire Dales in her little red convertible car, just like she said she was going to.

endofthelinefinally · 14/12/2020 17:06

Please do write to his family telling them how kind he was and how much he did for his colleagues. They will treasure your letter and appreciate it very much.

I have a box of letters from the friends and colleagues of my late son describing all the kind things he did and the reasons they loved him. I am so thankful they took the trouble to write. It means so much.

I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been a shock.
Flowers

DontWalkPastTheCastle · 14/12/2020 17:08

I'm really sorry.

I lost two colleagues this year, and I found it hard to feel ok about my grief, because we weren't close friends.

It's so shocking though; I felt physically shocked for a few weeks and the counsellor provided through my work said it was normal to feel cold, shaky, struggle with sleeping and eating, etc. Basically, do what you need to and don't think you're over-egging your feelings. You can only feel what you feel.

Soontobe60 · 14/12/2020 17:08

So sad for his family. It always shocks me when I hear about people getting a cancer diagnosis and only living a few weeks.
Sending hugs.

EnPoinsettia · 14/12/2020 17:11
Flowers
Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 17:14

My first mentor died young. I struggled to "get things right" afterwards as I was asked to write an obituary which didn't come out very well. I think he meant too much to me IYSWIM (he was also someone who had stood up for me at a vulnerable time in my career).

Having learned from that experience, I sat down and penned a handwritten letter pretty much immediately today. I've just posted it. I'm very happy with it (if that's the word) so that's a good thing. They won't read it for ages but when they do it will have the feeling of immediacy and feel genuine I think. So that's good.

However, once the letterwriting task was done and I'd agreed a charitable cause with our founder that left me stuck with the mourning - and no funeral to go to of course.

OP posts:
DeaconBoo · 14/12/2020 17:15

Really sorry to hear, op.
I'm in a sort of similar boat as have just lost a friend - very unexpectedly. Had been in the middle of a cheery WhatsApp conversation. It's so hard.

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 17:15

endoftheline your box sounds lovely. A piece of light.

OP posts:
Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 14/12/2020 17:17

@JustaPatioWithAspirations

aw, thanks.

it's better to chat on here.

I had a false accusation made against me this year by a truly horrible man and this colleague stood up for me and told me how angry he was on my behalf, so I was very touched by that and that may be partly the cause of the personal feelings. I had written to him just a week ago to tell him the accusations had been dismissed and got his out of office saying he was ill. So I don't know if he knew how much I appreciated his support.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Can I suggest that you write to his family to share this with them? It may bring them comfort to know how appreciated he was in a different part of his life.
Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 14/12/2020 17:18

Sorry x post

DontWalkPastTheCastle · 14/12/2020 17:18

@DeaconBoo

Really sorry to hear, op. I'm in a sort of similar boat as have just lost a friend - very unexpectedly. Had been in the middle of a cheery WhatsApp conversation. It's so hard.
That is awful. I'm so sorry.
Whattheworldneedsnowislove · 14/12/2020 17:19

I'm so sorry too. Sometimes life just doesn't make sense - I really struggle with how bad things happen to good people.

You wrote something so lovely here though... So you need a person of great integrity in that role and you really appreciate such a person when you find them, as it makes the whole workplace much more wholesome when you feel someone has your back and that you can tell them the whole truth.

I think you should send these sentiments to his family; how he had that gift in making things better. I think that would be lovely for them to read.

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 17:20

yes done - I just said it was an extremely difficult time for me professionally as I didn't want to put in too much me-me-me stuff. If I meet the widow at some point in the future (they don't live far from me) I'll give her the fuller story.

In about six years' time she'll find it interesting! but it's going to be a long six years.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 14/12/2020 17:20

Must have been a great guy to leave such an impact on his workmates. And have had nice workmates to remember him so fondly.
Can you put a flower on his grave OP?

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 17:22

"I really struggle with how bad things happen to good people"

please continue to do so!

yes, I think I've got that in the letter - if I had left it any longer it wouldn't have been as good I think because the emotions come in waves don't they and things get blurry.

OP posts:
MsPeachh · 14/12/2020 17:23

It’s so sad, OP. A colleague of mine has just been diagnosed with something similar. He’s not far off retirement but I always assumed he’d have another 20 years of life and enjoyment ahead of him! It really makes you think about how short and precious life is. Nothing is guaranteed.

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 17:23

"Can you put a flower on his grave OP?"
Now you'll set us all off! :)

OP posts:
NovemberR · 14/12/2020 17:25

So sorry. My sympathies are with you. I've lost a couple of colleagues very suddenly in the last two years. One to a car crash and one to an illness that we knew nothing about. It's a shock and you do think about them and their family. One of my colleagues left two children behind - and was a single parent - so I find myself worrying about them still.

Take care - and take time to grieve for your friend.

DontWalkPastTheCastle · 14/12/2020 17:26

I went into our office and put a flower on my colleague's desk.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/12/2020 17:32

This is so sad, op, and I'm sorry for your loss. My husband had a colleague (and friend) who also died from a form of blood cancer several years ago, and it was a terrible shock. He was a lovely, gorgeous man who looked like he was the picture of health. He suddenly got very ill, was diagnosed, and died a month later. My husband was deeply affected by the speed at which his friend died, and didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. Something like this makes us all feel very vulnerable, I think.

Benjispruce2 · 14/12/2020 17:35

Sorry for your loss. We spend so much time with work colleagues, it’s understandable that you feel the loss strongly. Awful time of year, not that there’s a good time. RIP,

herethereandeverywhere · 14/12/2020 17:36

Condolences OP. I also lost a 46 year old colleague this year to cancer, only 2 months after diagnosis. It is awful, even if you weren't close.

Re: sudden blood cancer, I lost a friend to it a few years ago. Died less than a week after diagnosis. I think because early symptoms can be mild (headache bruising tiredness) it can be missed then they can deteriorate quickly.
Celebrity Simon Thomas (ex Blue Peter and Sky Sports) lost his 40 year old wife to sudden blood cancer. He spoke publicly of his shock and grief - and being left with their young son. I think he also wrote a book. It really is dreadfully cruel.
ThanksThanksThanks