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Original poster

my lovely colleague has died very suddenly of blood cancer

102 replies

JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 16:16

He was only in his early 50s and one of the children is still at home.

I had no idea there was such a thing as a sudden blood cancer and of course I am wondering if the care offered was affected by the impact of the pandemic on staffing.

He was such a great support to me during a very difficult period this year and I'm angry that evil people live and he's dead. All a bit pointless emotions I guess.

anyway, it's obviously not my tragedy but if anyone wants to sit down on a bench with me that would be lovely.

OP posts:
BeyondMyWits · 14/12/2020 18:45

So sorry for your loss (and yes, it is your loss as a colleague too, it would not feel so bad if it wasn't). When anyone leaves our life they leave a hole there so that we remember them.

I still remember our kids PE teacher - she went home one night 4 years ago, slipped down the stairs and died. Just like that... prime of life, fit as a fiddle. She touched our lives just briefly, but she is still remembered.

Writing to the family is a lovely idea. It shows that their loved one meant something to others outside the immediate family, that they will be missed.

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 18:46

oh so sorry Tressilians.

I don't think our thoughts are irrational, by the way. They reflect a desire for justice.

OP posts:
TressiliansStone · 14/12/2020 18:57

Yes, that's it exactly.

I'm a hoary old grey-head so I keep repeating to myself that life isn't fair and there is no justice in the world; but I can't see me saying that to his 12-year-old.

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 18:59

A mighty fuck-up by the Almighty, in my opinion.

But that's another thread.

OP posts:
nicknamehelp · 14/12/2020 19:00

You may not be able to go to his funeral but a few funerals round me have asked people to stand at a Certain place at the time the possession will pass so at least seeing people standing there gives comfort to family.
I'm sure the letter you have sent will give his family comfort.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/12/2020 19:00

What a horrible shock for you. I know the feeling, having once arrived at work to find some very sad faces - an apparently perfectly healthy colleague had died of a heart attack the previous night. He was only 61, it was awful. His poor wife and family.

Holothane · 14/12/2020 19:05

That poor family and you losing a dear friend.💐💐💐💐

Bahhhhhumbug · 14/12/2020 19:08

Ah so sorry for your loss, its horrible when it's someone you see every day at work then suddenly bang, gone. Reminds me when my son had a major birthday and went into his office and they'd had a collection and beautifully wrapped presents on a table for him etc. The lady who'd organised it was an older lady that he was very good friends with and she was like his office mum . She had tragically died suddenly that weekend(brain haemorrhage) after preparing sons birthday table on the Friday when he was off. Whole office was in bits whilst my son opened his presents and especially when he opened one from her..... it was an alarm clock (son is very much a last minute person flies in with seconds to spare and she often used tell him off in an eye rolling kinda way) Sorry again for losing your friend.

TatianaBis · 14/12/2020 19:16

It’s not untypical of blood cancer to be asymptomatic until very late. So don’t worry yourself that treatment might have been impacted by Covid because it might not have made any difference at all.

endofthelinefinally · 14/12/2020 19:16

Yes. When the hearse left our house fir our son's funeral our lovely neighbours came out and stood on the pavement.
I was so touched and will never forget.

AluminumMonster · 14/12/2020 19:16

I'm sorry for your loss and the sad stories that have followed. It hadn't occurred to me to write a letter to the family before but it's something I will think about in the future.

Life is shit, I was reading an article in Daily Fail about a little girl of a reality star who has been diagnosed with leukaemia, how is that fair. I've eventually got round to requesting a kit to register as blood stem cell donor.

TatianaBis · 14/12/2020 19:19

One of my best and oldest friends died two years ago this Christmas. Been friends since we were kids.

She was diagnosed with cancer in August and died on Christmas Day. She was late 40s.

It makes you realise anyone can go at any point.

mateysmum · 14/12/2020 19:27

Op I'm sure your letter will be appreciated. When my father died of cancer my boss who had never met my father wrote me a lovely compassionate letter which I still have 35 years later.
The letter writer has also now died but I still think of him fondly largely because of that letter.
It will comfort his family to know that others grieve for their loved one too.

CheetasOnFajitas · 14/12/2020 19:29

Sorry for your loss OP. In October 1998 my Dad was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia (ie blood cancer) aged 53. He had had only vague symptoms of tiredness etc for a few months beforehand but no idea it was anything serious. It showed up on a blood test (it is unmistakeable) and he was rushed into hospital that night. Sadly he was very weakened by the chemo and developed septicaemia and died in January 1999, just three months after his diagnosis. I was 25 and my brother was 19.

It was a huge shock to all of us and, over 20 years later I am still angry that his life ended so soon. I always will be, and the pain has been renewed in the last 5 years since I have had my son, who will never know him. One of the things that I remember very well is reading all the cards we received from his colleagues because they were from the part of his life that we didn’t really know much about, but which was of course a huge part of him. The ones which said more than just “sorry for your loss” and went into detail with anecdotes about him, or thanks for what he had done for them, were the most appreciated. They almost made him feel a little bit still alive because we were finding out new things. Your words will be very much welcomed.

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 19:46

this has been a very nice bench. I see it as being in a park, with just a few last leaves blowing off the trees.

thank you to the bereaved family members who have come over to say hello.

It's also nice for me because my mum doesn't get many things right, (another thread) but I learned about always sending a handwritten letter from her. So it goes to show she has taught me some useful stuff after all :)

off to have dinner but will pop back to visit the bench and see if anyone else has had a sitdown.

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 14/12/2020 19:53

@bettbattenburg

Sending the letter is a lovely thing to do. When I was bereaved one if the things that hurt was that nobody sent anything, not a single thing. I'm sure she will really appreciate it.
@bettbattenburgI was really sorry to read this so felt I had to come back and comment. It must be really hard to suffer a bereavement and feel it just goes unmarked by the people around you. I hope you are feeling ok now.
PlantMam · 14/12/2020 19:54

Not read the whole thread but Leukaemias with an ‘a’ initial (for ‘acute’) are fast moving (ALL, AML) as are ‘high grade’ lymphomas (although these tend to respond well to treatment).

I think the way Cancer is most often portrayed in the arts (as a slow, steady decline with an increasingly frail looking patient) is probably a bit misleading, Cancer is a big umbrella term and there is a wide variety in how they progress and what treatment options are affective.

No way to know if the pandemic measures would’ve made much of a difference - sadly, middle aged men are still (statistically!) a bit rubbish at seeking professional attention in a timely manner (and some cancers are just really aggressive).

I’m sorry you have lost such a treasured colleague in such a shocking way - please do check in with his family - it’s very comforting to hear nice memories of your late loved ones, even if it’s just a few lines in a card.

Flowers
Enidblyton1 · 14/12/2020 20:00

So sorry, OP, it’s such a shock to lose someone so quickly. One of my colleagues (in her 30s) was diagnosed with a rare cancer while I was on maternity leave a few years ago and I remember feeling sick when I returned to find she had died. It was so quick (3-4 months) I didn’t even know she was ill. I’m sure your letter will be hugely appreciated.

Badgerstmary · 14/12/2020 20:25

Is there room on your bench for me as well op? I’m really sorry for your loss. My mum died of leukaemia in May. Today has been particularly shit. It’s my birthday tomorrow & I miss her so much.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 14/12/2020 20:41

badger

I can’t imagine how hard tomorrow will be for you.

I’m losing my mum a little every day but it isn’t nearly the same.

Have my place. I have a cushioned enough behind to sit on the floor. Flowers

vinoandbrie · 14/12/2020 20:45

I’m so sorry for your loss. As if 2020 has not been awful enough. Very sad news and please have a handhold / a gin / a tea / a bunch of flowers from me.

Badgerstmary · 14/12/2020 20:50

Sheldonesquelsunwell , thank you. I’m sure if I squeeze up there will be room for both of us.

Babyroobs · 14/12/2020 20:54

Blood cancer is illnesses like Leukemia which can overwhelm people very quickly if they don't respond to emergency Chemotherapy quickly. The body has no resistance to infection if bone marrow is failing so maybe he sadly died of an infection ? Sorry for your loss. I used to work in a hospice and in the last few years of working there I had to Nurse a few colleagues. It was awful.

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 21:17

Thanks to all those with knowledge for confirming the position re the speed of the cancer.

OP posts:
SmallLa · 14/12/2020 21:23

So sorry for your loss OP Flowers

I sometimes think people don't fully understand how hard it can be to loose a colleague. Perhaps as people see colleagues as forced acquaintances rather than friends.
I work in a company where the majority of the workforce are older (been with the company for 20+ years) and have unfortunately lost 2 since the beginning of lockdown, it has been an extremely difficult time. I saw/spoke to both of them everyday and it was such a shock.

Are you back in the work place? Perhaps others are feeling the same as you do?
We created a space at work where we could go to talk about our loss if we needed, everyone has been very supportive. I know that is what you are doing here but perhaps your other colleagues will be able to help you also, maybe there is someone feeling the same as you do.