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Original poster

my lovely colleague has died very suddenly of blood cancer

102 replies

JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 16:16

He was only in his early 50s and one of the children is still at home.

I had no idea there was such a thing as a sudden blood cancer and of course I am wondering if the care offered was affected by the impact of the pandemic on staffing.

He was such a great support to me during a very difficult period this year and I'm angry that evil people live and he's dead. All a bit pointless emotions I guess.

anyway, it's obviously not my tragedy but if anyone wants to sit down on a bench with me that would be lovely.

OP posts:
LittleOverwhelmed · 14/12/2020 17:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ConquestEmpireHungerPlague · 14/12/2020 17:38

Ah, that is sad news, OP. Flowers

StopGo · 14/12/2020 17:40

@JustaPatioWithAspirations when my DH died suddenly recently the lovely team he was working with were very shocked, their grief was plain to see. I greatly appreciated their cards, texts etc.

Be kind to yourself Flowers

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 17:41

my mum has got all the letters from my grandpa's colleagues and often mentions them. So I knew it was important to do.

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 14/12/2020 17:42

This is probably not helpful but that was my mum. 26 years ago Ina few days. At work on Monday, dead on Thursday ( she had a brain haemorrhage), age 54, my brother still at home. Needless to say we were devastated and I know her colleagues were affected. There was a very big turnout at her funeral which was comforting up to a point. It’s sad that will probably not be available for your colleague. I haven’t read pps but even something as obvious as a card from all the colleagues to his widow and children will be of some comfort.

ListeningQuietly · 14/12/2020 17:45

FWIW the disease is likely to be Acute Myeloid Leukaemia and there is one variant that kills in a matter of days no matter how good the healthcare

cologne4711 · 14/12/2020 17:51

So sorry to hear this OP. A colleague of mine died this year too - she had spoken to HR about a new treatment regimen one day and the following day she died. I didn't know her very well but I can imagine the shock when someone you were close to/looked up to has died suddenly. A cousin of my mother died within a week of diagnosis and I don't think her family ever really got over it.

I hope he did read your email, and I hope his widow appreciates your letter and it helps her in some small way.

Flowers
Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 17:53

thanks Listening

OP posts:
Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 17:53

thanks for these nice messages

OP posts:
bettbattenburg · 14/12/2020 18:00

Sending the letter is a lovely thing to do. When I was bereaved one if the things that hurt was that nobody sent anything, not a single thing. I'm sure she will really appreciate it.

HiveHoofHole · 14/12/2020 18:00

I have not heard of 'sudden blood cancer', but I wonder if it is ALL - Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia. It is very rare. I have had it. ALL comes on very suddenly and often difficult to diagnose until the very end. But even then treatment is possible and though very aggressive with many months in isolation it is survivable. I had it at a similar age and could feel myself slipping away, but got diagnosed in the end and into a ward within 2 hours to start treatment. Bit of a shock that. I am not sure about the Covid thing, as far as I know the haematology wards are working fine. Another Mumsnetter had it in 2014 - a GP and she started a couple of threads, but sadly passed away. Not sure if this contributes anything, but wanted to share.

I think some of the suggestions here are excellent. The fact he was a lovely man means that his family will have some good memories. Not sure if any of this helps at all now. Quiet reflections always work best I think and if you send or say some nice words to the family they will never forget that.

caringcarer · 14/12/2020 18:05

It is shit isn't it? My best friend died 14 years ago, with a 6 year old and a 4 year old, very suddenly and it still makes me sad.

Diva66 · 14/12/2020 18:13

So sorry for your loss, happy to share a bench and reflect on the unfathomable vagaries of fate Flowers

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 14/12/2020 18:18

We’re gonna need a bigger bench Flowers

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 18:23

yep. too much shitty cancer.

OP posts:
2018SoFarSoGreat · 14/12/2020 18:25

ah that is horrible news, so sorry @JustaPatioWithAspirations. I shall take a seat with you on the bench, and you can just sit without feeling the need to speak. We'll honor him in silence.

It is so hard when you are 'outside' of the inner circle, yet felt close to them. I love the letter idea - it is so good to read back how others saw your loved ones, and thought highly of them.

Cancer can do one!

Catsrus · 14/12/2020 18:28

@HiveHoofHole

I have not heard of 'sudden blood cancer', but I wonder if it is ALL - Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia. It is very rare. I have had it. ALL comes on very suddenly and often difficult to diagnose until the very end. But even then treatment is possible and though very aggressive with many months in isolation it is survivable. I had it at a similar age and could feel myself slipping away, but got diagnosed in the end and into a ward within 2 hours to start treatment. Bit of a shock that. I am not sure about the Covid thing, as far as I know the haematology wards are working fine. Another Mumsnetter had it in 2014 - a GP and she started a couple of threads, but sadly passed away. Not sure if this contributes anything, but wanted to share.

I think some of the suggestions here are excellent. The fact he was a lovely man means that his family will have some good memories. Not sure if any of this helps at all now. Quiet reflections always work best I think and if you send or say some nice words to the family they will never forget that.

Was that MNer the lovely "biscuits" @HiveHoofHole ? I was on her thread and still think of her often, hoping her DH and DC are doing well. She was so afraid her little one (still a baby) would never remember her. Heartbreaking and unforgettable.

Some people just touch the lives of those around them and remain a very strong memory. We lost a young work colleague (39), suddenly, 15 or so yrs ago, I'm still friends with an ex-colleague from those days and we still talk about him.

Well done for writing the letter @JustaPatioWithAspirations

nosswith · 14/12/2020 18:29

I am sorry to read of your colleague's death. Sadly I am aware of blood cancer because of the death of Gemma Thomas, wife of the former Blue Peter presenter Simon, who died in November 2017. I shed many tears reading about the love of Ethan (Gemma and Simon's son) in the months after Gemma's death.

I hope you can remember all the good things he did and in some way be supportive to the family he left behind.

LunaTheCat · 14/12/2020 18:31

I am sorry OP - he sounds like a giant of a man.
It os ok to grieve.
When my sister died I decided a good way to be would to think what she would do in this situation and to do that. I try to honour my sister in the way I live my live and live it with kindness and integrity - it helps me
💐

HiveHoofHole · 14/12/2020 18:34

@Catsrus
Yes it was. Her user name was Biscuitsandbandages and I joined MN to go on that thread to support. It was a shock when she slipped away. Then there was an update by her husband and I got the impression the thread really helped him as until then he may not have been aware of it.

shrill · 14/12/2020 18:34

Flowers so sad. As you say have to stop yourself thinking how some evil people live for so long while good people die so young.

Original poster
JustaPatioWithAspirations · 14/12/2020 18:36

shrill.
If I had a superpower I would do something about that.

OP posts:
Fruggalo · 14/12/2020 18:37

In case it was SD, OP, who fits the bill with some of your description (including illness and death), it is lovely to hear how he has been. He is someone I knew of many many years ago (when I was a child) and I was shocked to hear the news over the weekend from someone’s fb.

NotTerfNorCis · 14/12/2020 18:38

I'm sorry, OP. We lost someone this summer. He was only thirty but had a health condition. He died at home on his own, and it was people from work who raised the alarm and found him. A woman who worked closely with him was so upset, she eventually resigned. Someone else I know died alone at home last year - rapid onset brain tumour. He was in his early fifties.

Flowers
TressiliansStone · 14/12/2020 18:39

Can I join you on your bench and a bit of company too?

A member of my family died suddenly last week. Just collapsed, very little warning; pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital.

He was in his 40s and has two DC still at school. I keep remembering him at his wedding (very green round the gills after his mates took him for rather more of a stag night than he'd bargained for). And now that's him, he's done.

I'm glad it's not just me thinking the irrational thoughts about evil people. How are they alive and well and enjoying themselves to ripe old age, while J doesn't get any more time and his wife and children are broken?