Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

Depends how disciplined you are with money I suppose.
For me I have no problem paying out 2,/3 of my salary on school fees. DH is a very high earner so we are very comfortable. If I didnt pay the fees I doubt very much we would have the discipline to save that amount , more likely we would have a better car ,a bigger extension ,more designer clothes & posher holidays. Which are all fab but we dont "need" any of these to make us more happy. I genuinely feel you cant put a price on education. And I am a state school teacher at an "outstanding state secondary my DC could have gone to and people move/ find religion for . You could save up for a house deposit and something could happen requiring the money so your DC end up with neither. All I think we can do is maximise opportunities for our DC as much as we are able to in the present.

@SendHelp30 I think general studies did count in those days, depending which syllabus. But at that time UCAS points were only relevant if you were just scraping into university. The offers from the more competitive universities were grades XYZ is subjects 123, with no flexibility to count grade 8 or general studies or whatever. My offer was 2 sciences and further maths (with single maths not counted), the unfairness of which I'm still aggrieved about all these years later! So actually, 3/6 of my As were completely useless and only added stress. I've no idea how it works now though.

Depends on your DC personality type and natural academic ability. DH went state and due to the fact he's a genius he overcame the disruptive classes etc to go to a top uni and great career. I went to private and know I wouldn't of got top grades, great uni etc without the private education. DH wants to send our DC to private based on his experience of state.

Property I've seen so many, parents on here say that from awful state experience.

My partner spent the requisite 250k. It was a complete waste of money, so I’d say it depends on the child.

Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately

You’d have to wonder what the point of spending all that money on private school is if it didn’t help the recipient to really be successful in later life. And I would count being able to pay their own child’s private school fees in that. Surely you’d get an equivalent result from a good state school? I know a family who privately educated 5 children, none of which went on to further education and have mediocre/average jobs.

Do universities accept applicants blind or do they see the name, sex, postcode, school attended?

@DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow (love the name BTW) when DD was considering doing medicine we did loads of uni open days and attended many subject talks. She has a July birthday and had struggled to get any meaningful experience because no-one would take her as she was under 18, and didn't turn 18 until after she left school. She did eventually get a placement at a care home, but as she was under 18 wasn't allowed to handle the residents or even make a cup of tea!

We asked about this at the subject talks, and every admissions tutor replied that as long as she was over 18 when she started it didn't matter. I think this was because the universities we looked at did clinical placements in the first year.

@HerRoyalNotness

Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately

You’d have to wonder what the point of spending all that money on private school is if it didn’t help the recipient to really be successful in later life. And I would count being able to pay their own child’s private school fees in that. Surely you’d get an equivalent result from a good state school? I know a family who privately educated 5 children, none of which went on to further education and have mediocre/average jobs.

I think that is also to do with the current economic reality though. Private school fees have increased a lot over the years - 3 or 4% annually. Some salaries have not increased as much even in good jobs.

Also cost of property is huge so whereas a teacher or doctor could potentially afford to send their child private 30 years ago, the private education now costs way more and other costs are also sky high.

@Lily193

The opportunities that private education will bring throughout life should far outweigh a 250k house deposit - that would be only 6-12 months salary for a successful high earner.

the only person I know who had a private education would need to work for 10 years to earn that much . Same as the rest of us non-private school attenders .

You’d have to wonder what the point of spending all that money on private school is if it didn’t help the recipient to really be successful in later life.

We paid it to give our kids a happy school-life. Having had a shit time at school and those years of misery having severely affecting my adult life, we moved ours to a small non-pressurised private school and watched their confidence and happiness bloom.

Of course going to a private school doesn’t guarantee happiness, but for us it made a huge positive difference.

This:
Bacter

'There are London boroughs were most of the secondary schools are outstanding. The house prices reflect that. And probably the hike in house prices covers the school fees elsewhere. I always say to DH (in London) it appears we pay via the mortgage or the school; either way we are paying. But the relatively stable roof over our head/environment etc is the one guarantee.'

is very true.

We have friends who live in London and they are in the catchment areas for very good / outstanding primary and secondary schools. House prices are over £1 million. They do not even have GPs at their schools - they are all finance managers or people who run their own business. Their kids go to the outstanding state primary. We live in the countryside of the West Midlands. Our house (much bigger, mahoosive garden, orchard etc.) costs £500-600k. Local state primaries are dire, secondary mediocre. We pay school fees for both children, say £15-20k per year each => total £300-400k. Therefore for house and school we are both spending about £1million. Their state primary provides much the same extra curricular activities as our private school, our kids get a longer school day (I can work full time) and a smaller class. But otherwise the education is pretty similar.

DS went to state for primary, and is currently at private secondary on a scholarship.

So I would say start off in state, and do your homework, as to what is available i.e. how good the state secondary's are - particularly in comparison to any private alternatives. If there's a private school that suits your DC and their needs better than the state option, it doesn't hurt to see what financial help there is from the school through scholarships and governors awards. Sometimes they make you an offer that makes your mind up for you.

If DS hadn't been given a scholarship, we'd have happily sent him to the state grammar, but he's making full use of the opportunity and thriving.

The primary school in our village is so good that no-one sends their children to private school until 11 as there is simply no need. DD received an excellent education and did loads of extra curricular activities - street dance, guitar lessons, art club, school productions - all at minimal cost or free.

They have an award winning orchestra who have played at the Albert Hall and The Fonz visited the schhol when he was doing a tour of UK schools to talk about dyslexia.

Just a rather good bog standard primary school in a not particularly affluent part of the country.

People that have been privately educated cannot afford the same for their children primarily because school fees in Britain have increased exponentially since the 1970s/80s.

The problem is that many people see education as a simple balance of money in should equal money out, and that's not how it goes at all.
My father boarded from 5, beginning in the 1930s, he never earned above £22k his whole life, even though he worked extremely hard. FIL boarded from 7 and technically never had a job in his life.
DH went to a sink school, was on six figures in his early 30s.

Whether or not independent education is worth it for your child depends on a) the schools available to you, b) your child.
As these vary for every child, let alone every family, there's no snappy answer.

and because of wage stagnation

If your child is bright and you have good local schools send them. There’s only elite private schools where I live and they’re obviously selective, the kids I know who go are very serious about their own education and already have an idea what they want to do. My Brother lives in an area with non selective private schools and the amount of kids who have left with few or no qualifications is shocking, money down the drain.
I have a few friends who were privately educated and are in low paying jobs, most friends on 6 figure salaries went to comps and very few even went to University.
At least a £250k deposit guarantees them something.

Whether or not independent education is worth it for your child depends on a) the schools available to you, b) your child.
As these vary for every child, let alone every family, there's no snappy answer.

Yes. I agree with this.

This! Some of the shite so heard my Eton educated relative say was appalling. He called me a pleb several times. He also now struggles fitting in with people that aren't publicl school educated

Tootsietootie that’s interesting. Some of the things my comprehensive educated relative says is appalling. He called me a posh git several times and can only fit in with people who went to state school. He has also thrown chairs and pulled a knife on me a few times.

@Andante57 😂😂😂

Sounds like you got off lucky only been called a git by a knife wielding thug!

@Winter2020

If you decide to go with the house deposit I would keep it to yourself as for some people having things come easily robs them of motivation to strive. It can also bring problems to their relationship “my partner has £250k to put into a house but I only have 10....”.

Might be better to do something more subtle like when they start saving for a house (at the right time for them) offer to match what they save. Or offer to have them home rent free while they save. Or simply save the money yourself knowing that if they ever need your financial support you can be there for them.

One thing to unpick is what the purpose of the private school is. Is it to generate high earners and if the pupils don’t become high earners it’s a waste of time? Or is it to provide a different kind of school experience and if that is right for your kids and they enjoy it that is enough. If you feel you need “results” they are never guaranteed.

One thing that sometimes comes up on discussions of private schools is that kids who go to private school but only because their parents prioritise it can feel aware that they can’t keep up with the lifestyles of a lot of the other kids and maybe would be better to be at state school and financially comfortable.

Very sensible advice from @Winter2020.

Presumably parents who can afford the fees can afford an extra couple years to help with a house deposit too if they wanted to?

@TheRubyRedshoes

The with it agree but actually I'm sure I read somewhere that they are taking state students with lesser grades?

That will depend on so much more than grades. If I am on a interview panel, I would quite like to see how the applicant will perform if you level the field. If the grades are slightly lower and they candidate shows potential and is from a less precise legend background, it makes them quite equal to the other candidate who got those grades after living a privileged life. And if two candidates have similar grades and one is from a privileged background, the applicant from less privileged background is automatically better because their start line was far behind the other candidate. In both of these situations, even if you forget that the candidates from less privileged background deserves a chance, you have to still argue that you will be doing your institution a disservice if you do not take this candidate who has shown this level of drive and potential despite being disadvantaged. In my own team, I see this often. When the field becomes level, the candidate from the disadvantaged background takes over simply because they were smarter and more hardworking to begin with.

I went to both ordinary school and boarding school and didn't think there was much in it. I preferred normal school. I'd buy the house.