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Original poster

would you be annoyed if a new person at work did this

274 replies

durdur · 01/12/2020 11:23

I have started a new FT job. DH became redundant just after I got this job which now means I have to do the school run and dh used to work completely remote from home anyway so this was never an issue for us.

So I've asked to reduce my hours to fit in with school times.
I have only been there a few weeks. Would they refuse? I would leave if they did as we need one of us to do the drop off and pick ups.

I honestly feel bad for asking to reduce my hours.

OP posts:
Allington · 01/12/2020 14:27

I wouldn't be annoyed. I might or might not agree to it, depending on the needs of the organisation and whether they could best be met by the arrangement.

vanillandhoney · 01/12/2020 14:34

Why did your DH take a job with hours that clashed with yours, without thinking about how you'd both be able to manage the school run?

Or did he just assume it was your problem to sort out?

chubley · 01/12/2020 14:37

In the primary years I used to drop off in the mornings mostly without using breakfast club. DH worked 8-4 (still does) and I did 10-6 (both commuting around 40 minutes, or more on a bad day, each way) We did use after school club, so DH picked up. That worked quite well, as I avoided the 5pm rush. Plus I often stayed late for deadlines or did bits at home and weekends occasionally, as I needed - and got - flexibility for children's appointments and school plays etc.

Could you do 7-3 if you can get to school in a short time at pick-up and your DH start and finish late? If you both remain FT though, what will happen with the other things life throws up, such as illness, school plays and assemblies, etc?

I really feel for parents not WFH but no after school club now - what can they do? Ours are at secondary now but I still have the appointments to taxi them to!

chubley · 01/12/2020 14:45

Also, employers/managers have sometimes been in this position themselves! So they might not be annoyed - would a jobshare be possible?

When I did a jobshare 2.5 days a week a long time ago, it didn't occur to me to ask for further flexibility with the hours, so struggled 2 mornings to get to breakfast club then to work for 9 in the traffic, then left work at 5 and due to awful traffic was sometimes late at nursery which closed at 6. DH walked to work then, but it became easier when we got a second car, my jobshare person left so I took most of the hours back and DH could do the pick-ups.

Original poster
durdur · 01/12/2020 16:03

Wow. So much for negativity. I'm glad most of you aren't my line managers!
The comment about this is why older women are preferred and why women don't get hired is just 🙄. Blame us for having kids and asking for flexibility!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 01/12/2020 16:05

durdur But that’s exactly the point. You are expecting it to be the mothers work that are flexible and not the fathers. So if employers are wary it’s because of people like you acting like your job is no where near as important as your big important husband.

iMatter · 01/12/2020 16:08

How much do you want to reduce by?

vanillandhoney · 01/12/2020 16:10

@durdur

Wow. So much for negativity. I'm glad most of you aren't my line managers! The comment about this is why older women are preferred and why women don't get hired is just 🙄. Blame us for having kids and asking for flexibility!
But having children is a choice you made. Workplaces don't need to allow you to change your hours just because you have children.

Your DH should have thought about this before he took his job. Why is it you having to change your hours?

Justmuddlingalong · 01/12/2020 16:11

Asking for flexibility after you've signed the contract isn't the same as asking for flexibility during the interview stage.

SATSmadness · 01/12/2020 16:35

Could you use a local childminder ? Many of them round here do a school run.

Hardbackwriter · 01/12/2020 16:37

@durdur

Wow. So much for negativity. I'm glad most of you aren't my line managers! The comment about this is why older women are preferred and why women don't get hired is just 🙄. Blame us for having kids and asking for flexibility!
I don't really know why you asked, especially since you've already put the request in. I'm sorry if you just wanted to hear that it was perfectly fine, because that certainly isn't what you got! But I do think doing it at this stage is really awkward and difficult - they've only just gone through a recruitment process, they weren't able to weigh your strengths as a candidate up against your need for reduced hours in the way they would have done if you'd asked before accepting the job, but you've also not yet proved your value as an employee.
Bunnybigears · 01/12/2020 16:40

Whose job is most secure and or earns the most money? That is the person who needs to ask for flexible working not just automatically the woman.

Original poster
durdur · 01/12/2020 16:40

DH's Job can't be done from home. He is a key worker. If he reduces his hours our income will go down much more than if i reduced my hours by the same amount.

In an ideal world we would have wanted BOTH our employers to be flexible. A few years ago we were in the exactly the same position and guess what? His employer was extremely flexible and mine wouldn't budge. He did ALL the school drop offs etc. I did nothing. So please stop going on about this shouldn't just be my employers problem/ why does the woman have to do everything. It isn't. We have asked both employers. His isn't flexible and the nature of job too doesn't help and mine - well I'll have to see. Hopefully none of you are my line managers! Grin

In the modern world of tech and this pandemic - more employers should embrace flexible working and helping with their employees lives not being backwards and stubborn over a few hours!

And the people who are saying why did DH accept this job? Yes, we are in a position to be really picky with which jobs we do and with the current climate, jobs are aplenty! He'll just turn them all down till he finds the perfect one. 🙄 Come on, please!

OP posts:
VinylDetective · 01/12/2020 16:41

@durdur

Wow. So much for negativity. I'm glad most of you aren't my line managers! The comment about this is why older women are preferred and why women don't get hired is just 🙄. Blame us for having kids and asking for flexibility!
You can roll your eyes all you like. That’s reality. Everyone’s been there if they’ve got children.
Hardbackwriter · 01/12/2020 16:45

Again, if you're so certain that you're in the right and that any employer who wouldn't let you significantly reduce your hours just after starting a new job is just a big meanie who hates women, why did you ask?

Justmuddlingalong · 01/12/2020 16:49

I have asked for a reduction of hour a day with 1.5 hours working from home. Is this every day? Because I would find that totally different to the hours you were offered and accepted? I agree, it's a good job I'm not your line manager. And would that 1.5 hours WFH be after school pick up?

Original poster
durdur · 01/12/2020 16:51

Well there might be some eye rolling tomorrow when I meet with my manager.

I wasn't expecting people to say yes of course it's fine etc. Just wondered how people would approach it if this happened to them as a manager. It's pretty sad in my kind if I'm honest. Things haven't really changed much in the workplace over the last 50 years. We haven't progresses massively. Not just me but I'm sure most MNetters would be thrilled to be working for employers who were genuinely very flexible. We all want it but we've been brain washed into thinking we shouldn't have it. It shouldn't be like this.

OP posts:
vanillandhoney · 01/12/2020 16:55

And the people who are saying why did DH accept this job? Yes, we are in a position to be really picky with which jobs we do and with the current climate, jobs are aplenty! He'll just turn them all down till he finds the perfect one. 🙄 Come on, please!

Nobody said that at all.

He should have spoken to them in his interview about working flexible hours - even if it was just starting a little late to help with drop offs. He was in a much better position than you to negotiate flexible working but didn't bother.

Why did he take a job that meant there was nobody available to do the school runs? That makes absolutely no sense to me at all.

Hoppinggreen · 01/12/2020 17:01

You took a job with certain hours, now you can’t work those hours
Of course your employer won’t be happy

Hardbackwriter · 01/12/2020 17:01

Hopefully it works fine for your employer so they say yes, but I think you're being unreasonable to say that people saying they wouldn't want to agree very different hours to the hours you agreed to when you took the job is saying that they would offer no flexibility in the workplace at all. When I started my current job I asked whether it could be done at 0.8 rather than 1FTE and they said no; I took it anyway, and a year later we agreed to 0.9 and compressed hours. I think that was pretty reasonable and while it was worth asking I can also see why they were more willing to do it once I was a known and valued employee. I think they'd have been a bit flabbergasted if I'd asked shortly after starting.

VinylDetective · 01/12/2020 17:02

Things haven't really changed much in the workplace over the last 50 years

Trust me, they have. I started my first job in 1973. There was no entitlement to maternity leave or pay. Virtually no childcare. Women generally stopped work when they had children and went back part time when the kids started school unless they were high flyers in nanny territory. The hours for the job were set in stone and if you didn’t like them, you found another one.

It’s no good behaving as if you’re doing your employer a favour. Especially in the next few years, there will be plenty of prospective employees who aren’t asking for flexibility.

Hardbackwriter · 01/12/2020 17:03

The other thing was that after a year I could say very clearly how the job could be done in 0.9 (and could see for myself that it couldn't really be in 0.8). If you're reducing your hours is your suggestion just that you do the work in less time, or that someone else takes on the work?

Floralnomad · 01/12/2020 17:06

@durdur

Well there might be some eye rolling tomorrow when I meet with my manager.

I wasn't expecting people to say yes of course it's fine etc. Just wondered how people would approach it if this happened to them as a manager. It's pretty sad in my kind if I'm honest. Things haven't really changed much in the workplace over the last 50 years. We haven't progresses massively. Not just me but I'm sure most MNetters would be thrilled to be working for employers who were genuinely very flexible. We all want it but we've been brain washed into thinking we shouldn't have it. It shouldn't be like this.

The thing is being flexible works both ways , so as other people have said why don’t you show your flexibility by saying I need these new hours 3 days a week and my husband will do the other 2 . Also when employers are flexible for one person it generally means someone else is having to pick up the slack .
cheesecrack · 01/12/2020 17:09

I've read all your updates and it can feel a bit of a race to the bottom here.

Congratulations on sorting new jobs. That's brilliant.

As a line manager (in NHS) I'd fully support you. With flexibility you can keep good employees. It's not just bums on seats anymore.

PullTheBricksDown · 01/12/2020 17:12

@durdur

Well there might be some eye rolling tomorrow when I meet with my manager.

I wasn't expecting people to say yes of course it's fine etc. Just wondered how people would approach it if this happened to them as a manager. It's pretty sad in my kind if I'm honest. Things haven't really changed much in the workplace over the last 50 years. We haven't progresses massively. Not just me but I'm sure most MNetters would be thrilled to be working for employers who were genuinely very flexible. We all want it but we've been brain washed into thinking we shouldn't have it. It shouldn't be like this.

Actually, they have. There's still some way to go but the position is very different to 50 years ago. You're just annoyed because people won't endorse you asking for a whole raft of adjustments at the worst time - not beforehand when the employer knows the score, or later when you've proved yourself as one of the team. I am fully convinced that businesses need to recognise the importance of family commitments and the position that often puts women in. But you're really not helping the cause by expecting your employer to just suck up all the inconvenience. Plenty of people - including single parents - are not able to take jobs because they have no one to look after their kids. That was your husband's position, but hey, it's fine because a mum's employer will always just deal with it instead.