@DominaShantotto, not rambling. Eloquent.
I've always been upbeat, optimistic, level headed, the sensible one, not easily fazed. And I thought I was coping well with all this. I 'should' be - the DC are adults, DH and I get on well, I've plenty of friends to Zoom with, when my useless internet allows, etc, etc. But I've a constant feeling of vague, unplaceable anxiety. I've dealt with it my usual way, with a Positive Mental Attitude, but now I'm having terrifying dreams and waking up soaked in sweat, like I did with the menopause. The trouble is, I don't 'do' anxious, I don't know how to deal with it. And then I get furious, because if they've managed to get one of the most resilient, best-placed citizens to feel like this, how must those in tougher circumstances feel?
And it's now, when we're brought so low, that we most need the hug, the arm squeeze, the sympathetic smile, the good gossip with a few friends, something fun - and sociable - to look forward to. And I hate Zoom - it's not real and I get tense about it cutting in and out.