Properly shaken up - really hurt (intentionally) whilst shopping

[Vinosaurus]

I was in Tesco about an hour ago - it was pretty busy but people all had masks on and were trying their best in the main to keep their distance ... as was I.

I don't really know what happened exactly, or why he did it, but I was picking up some fromage frais - nobody particularly close by - and I suddenly got shoved from behind. Turned my head to be presented with a alpha male type who lifted his arm (trying to explain that this was very much intentional and meant to hurt) and elbowed me in the back of the ribs with some real force. It was enough to wind me and cause me some real pain.

He walked off pretty briskly but squared up to me (from a distance) when I shouted after him "what the hell do do you think you're doing? You're an idiot!" (not my finest moment and probably very unwise but I was so shocked), although I think he thought better of it when he realised how many people were around. I was walking away by then, trying to calm myself down (had horrid heart palpitations - probably due to the adrenaline!) and just get away from the situation.

A couple of women (separately) caught up to me to see if I was ok/say they'd seen what happened/congratulate me on pulling him up on it - which was very kind, but I am still super tearful and shaken up. I'm a 42 yr old woman, FFS, really need to get a grip, have a glass of wine and forget about it.

I wonder if you could find the witnesses on social media? A page dedicated to the area?

Although if the police are involved it might be best not to.

I’m glad you are okay op.

@Audreyseyebrows

One of the women was actually at the scan as you shop checkout next to me when I was paying a few minutes later. I should have asked for her details, was still in shock though I think.

Is there a website where women in the UK can share their experiences of "everyday" violence from men? I know there's the everyday sexism project, and of course at the extreme we have Karen Ingla Smith's counting dead women site. But can't seem to see one for logging/supporting/empowering women who have encountered unprovoked acts of violence from men (I'm not talking about domestic violence - which, rightly so, has many sites/resources) to share and speak up.

The more I think about it, the more times I recall minimising male behaviour; from the time I was punched in the face by a man for refusing to dance with him at Notting Hill Carnival, to being shot at with a paintball gun by a group of men in a car whilst at the bus stop (I had DD's pushchair that time, it was empty as was off to collect her from the childminder, but they wouldn't have been able to see that). I'm getting angrier by the second here!!

“ The more I think about it, the more times I recall minimising male behaviour; from the time I was punched in the face by a man for refusing to dance with him at Notting Hill Carnival, to being shot at with a paintball gun by a group of men in a car whilst at the bus stop (I had DD's pushchair that time, it was empty as was off to collect her from the childminder, but they wouldn't have been able to see that). I'm getting angrier by the second here!!”

I’m angry on your behalf.

Your last post, Op, has just reminded me of the time I was out for a run and had eggs thrown at me by a passing car with 2 guys in it. The force of the throw really hurt.

I was also shouted at by a guy who was out running as I was 'in his way' - he came around the corner and I was there running! Pure coincidence and not anything that I was in the wrong about. To be fair, I gave as good as I got and shouted very loudly back at him and continued to shout at him whilst running until he got too far away to hear me!

I also had a guy shout abuse at me in the street because I wouldn't stop to listen to him about a charity he was collecting for. He only stopped when my now DH showed up to meet me! My DH then gave him a mouthful and frightened him off but it made me so mad that the guy was willing to be so abusive to me (a 5'4" female) and only stopped when a 6' 3" male turned up.

I'm getting so angry typing this now as I e got dozens of incidences like this when I think about it - although thankfully other than getting hit hard with the egg, no one has actually laid a hand on me.

I’m curious to know if any of these incidents happen in rough areas where it would kick off.

My obviously elderly parents had eggs thrown at them from a car in their nice area.

@AcornAutumn

I have a personal alarm which I have in my hand coming home late at night.

That hasn’t happened since March.

But maybe I should just carry it full stop. If it’s too shocking to speak up, I could pull the pin? That might be an idea for a few of us.

If you have an iPhone 10 quick presses on the lock button on the side will set of an alarm and call the police. I’m sure other makes of phone will have similar.

So glad you've reported it OP and very sorry this happened to you. How horrible and shocking.

I was elbowed really hard in the shoulder by a man as we passed in the street, very deliberate and painful. I posted about it on here at the time and there were so many similar stories from other posters.

Just WTF? What is going through these men's minds that they even want do this? It's very disturbing.

Well done for reporting him op, and for shouting at him and making people aware in the immediate vicinity. When I was commuting into london (working from home now) I used to come across this behaviour (in varying degrees) quite often.

Something to remember is to try and stop the bystander effect. People often witness these things and don't say anything or attempt to help the victim. If people feel it is safe enough to do so they could loudly announce to everyone "Everyone! This man has just shoved/touched/flashed me! I don't know him, please help!" Often people snap out of passively watching and then actively try and help the victim. Attacker also backs off and legs it.

One time when I got on my regular train it was very busy and there were about 3 seats left. Man in front of me was just standing in the aisle, looking at the available seats left and taking his time to choose one. The train was filling up fast and he was oblivious. I cheerily said "make up your mind" in a sort of sing song voice. Well...turns out he didn't take nicely to that at all. He wheeled around stared me dead in the eyes, shoved past me and then proceeded to call me all manner of names under the sun. He looked deranged and I thought he was getting ready to punch me. I quickly sat down and the lady next to me looked at me concerned. I explained to her what happened. She said "omg...I thought you knew each other!" This guy was still going off on one and me and this lady just sat there laughing at him. By that point I felt quite "protected" as other people were aware of what was going on. However, it made me wonder how many people could have turned a blind eye thinking it was some sort of domestic incident. I am much more careful now, there are so many people out there who are frankly unhinged

Stanford

My phone is ancient but the reason I thought of the alarm is the piercing noise. Set that off in Tesco and everyone will look to see why.

I think these men deliberately target anyone they think can’t fight back - short women, elderly folk.

Karate many times on the Tube I’ve said “just bloody pick one”.

Another time on the Tube, a young woman rushed to the only vacant seat ahead of an old man with a stick, then laughed at him. The whole carriage shouted at her. She moved but she was furious that we had shouted. The poor man was very shaken.

When I ds was a tiny baby we where out for a walk with the pram, it was a very sunny winter day and as I got towards the crossing the sun dazzled me and I bumped the gently into a man waiting to cross the road. I apologised immediately and it had Barely touched him. As the lights changed he put his foot out and tripped me up onto the road. I was so shocked I was pushing a tiny baby in a pram, he could have seriously hurt us. He laughed and said pay more attention next time, thankfully a lady passing by helped me. He stuck me as such an evil person

Just WTF? What is going through these men's minds that they even want do this? It's very disturbing.

To quote Germaine Greer: 'Women have very little idea of how much men hate them'.

@thenightsky

Just WTF? What is going through these men's minds that they even want do this? It's very disturbing.

To quote Germaine Greer: 'Women have very little idea of how much men hate them'.

Absolutely this.

@thenightsky

Just WTF? What is going through these men's minds that they even want do this? It's very disturbing.

To quote Germaine Greer: 'Women have very little idea of how much men hate them'.

Now I'm in my late 40s and no longer particularly attractive and useful to men, I'm starting to see it only too clearly.

Ironically I'm 1/4 of way through Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates.

@MsTSwift

That is assault. Quite a serious assault.

You’re absolutely right, it is an assault, but the lowest level of assault in the eyes of the law. I don’t say that to minimise it, clearly it was a frightening experience, but by definition it’s the lowest level. Thankfully OP wasn’t seriously injured.

OP I’m glad you weren’t fobbed off by the Police and hopefully the offender will be traced. 💐

@Vinosaurus

Ironically I'm 1/4 of way through Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates.

I bet that’s quite a read.

I’ll never forget when Caroline CP got threatened for trying to get a woman on a banknote - a guy rang a radio show and said he understood why she was getting threats. The host asked “how would you feel if it was directed at your mother or sister” and he said “but they would never behave like that” as if a woman stepping out of the kitchen age away from her menfolk had never, ever been a factor in his life.

@Vinosaurus

Ironically I'm 1/4 of way through Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates.

I’ve not read that. Currently reading invisible women though. Highly recommend it.

Well done for reporting op I hope your feeling ok and I hope the police find him. I’d imagine no one has stood up to him before

I was in lidl a few years ago and a man walked past with another man (looked like colleagues popping in for lunch) one of them put his hand up my dress and squeezed my bum hard. I just froze
I was more angry with myself for doing nothing (yet again) and vowed not to do nothing again.

@AcornAutumn I'm fortunate that I live in a very nice area & was running through a neighbouring very affluent village when I got egged!

I remember one evening I was out the local running club and a man walking in the opposite direction waited until I was level with him before spitting right in my face. Urgh.

Spitting is just disgusting - just so dirty and derogatory. A guy spat at me once, just some bloke that had his ego dinted by me not reciprocating his advances.

How depressing this is getting.

Believe I've seen an appeal with cctv for this incident. Well done for reporting it. Let's hope people come forward.

Really @ScrumptiousBears ?!