"We're all on the spectrum"

[bluetinpinkteapot]

No we're not! We're really, really not.

Please people who don't have autism or don't know anything about autism, please do not say this to people who do have autism or their carers/families.

It is wrong, it is offensive, it does a huge disservice to autistic people.

If you truly think this, do some reading. Or don't if you don't care - but stop saying it!

From one exhausted mother who has just had to have this conversation yet again with I'm someone who I thought was a good friend.

@Gancanny this is my parent in laws view! Also, it’s because I was at home with him until he was 2! But don’t worry; because it’s “just a little phase” and he “will grow out of it” and as soon as he can talk he will be fine.

I also get seriously pissed off when people tell me he will be so clever because all people with autism are so clever and ask if he loves puzzles because autistic children love puzzles.

Can anyone help me out with a response to my DB. "I can't see anything wrong with him compared to ... who is autistic and can't talk at all."
Undergoing assessment currently as I said further up the thread

‘Thanks for your support.’

I don’t know, I find it easier to just not have conversations with people who should be supportive but aren’t.

There is a real lack of appropriate schooling for intelligent autistic children who can't cope in mainstream but don't fit special schools that are set up for children with learning difficulties or behavioural issues.

To be honest there is a real lack of provision for lots of children with complex needs (Not necessarily with autism) who fall between the chasm between mainstream and specialist....
too disabled for mainstream, too able for special school. The idea being that mainstream or units should be inclusive enought to be able to differentiate for milder learning disabilities, and able to provide reasonable adjustments for medical needs, communication needs, physical needs, behavioural needs....etc etc. The reality is often that the whole system, environment, teaching and the whole ethos are not accessible to these children, who are expected to adapt to fit into a 'mainstream mould', but who struggle with every aspect of the way education has been set up in these systems.
So many special schools were closed in the name of inclusion, but the culture and ethos of mainstream never caught up and changed enough to accommodate the children left behind.
We need more specialist provision, or more specialist input to mainstream schools, but there doesn't seem to be the interest in it from the government (surprise surprise)

@Sirzy

Fully agree with you.

Lots of people may show signs of an autistic trait but that doesn’t mean they are “on the spectrum”

It's like people who say they're OCD because they like to keep their desk tidy.

100% agree with this.

@cantdothisnow1

FatCatThinCat

regarding the sounds do you happen to know what's caused you to now be hypersensitive to sound. I'm having problems with this with my daughter who has suddenly become incapable of tolerating the sound of me breathing. Obviously there is no much I can do about that but she has become so stressed with noises that I can't control. Do you have any advice as my DD is 11 and has trouble expressing herself?

Sorry for going off point here!

My daughter used to react very strongly to certain noises. We read somewhere about how joining a band might help so we sorted out music lessons via the school and then when she was good enough she joined the town junior band.

It's been brilliant for her socially and she reacts much better now to unexpected or loud noises. She was quite resistant to join the band at first because it was new. I had to push her to try the first few times for her lessons and then the first time for the band. She absolutely loved it though.

I encouraged the mother of a non-verbal boy to join a drumming group but it wasn't a success; he does a music group at school with other children with ASD and he really enjoys that. His dad now does drumming with hand drums at home.

HazeyJanelle I don't doubt you are right but I have focussed on autism because that is what my children have. Inclusion means spending cuts in my opinion. It's great if it works but it doesn't for so many who fall in the gap.

PandemicAtTheDisco that sounds like a great idea. My daughter tried to pick up an instrument when she was at school but sadly she didn't take to it and found the lessons stressful. Really glad it worked for your DC.

This has been a really informative thread for me. Thanks everyone for your contributions.

@PandemicAtTheDisco

This has been a really informative thread for me. Thanks everyone for your contributions.

Definitely Pandemic it's been a really thoughtful discussion which is heartening to see.

Flowers to all of us who have the joy of living with or with someone with autism and lets' hope that the world does become a more inclusive place.

I had to leave this thread earlier because it was winding me up.

Now it's back on track, there is also a really damaging aspect to 'we're all a bit autistic'. We rely on DLA to help pay for all the things that my child needs. If the DWP believes we're all a bit autistic then that could potentially take the support away from children and families that need it.

Mild autism is quite rightly no longer used in medical terms (and neither is Aspergers). My child is academically able but just as likely to become overwhelmed by me eating wet smelly curry next to him as a non verbal child who is in a residential special school. And I'm not sure if he will ever be able to live independently.

Autism is not just challenges that affect NT people happening more frequently.

@SendHelp30

I also get seriously pissed off when people tell me he will be so clever because all people with autism are so clever and ask if he loves puzzles because autistic children love puzzles

aka the 'Rainman' cliche I mentioned earlier. We can all memorise telephone books, encyclopedic knowledge of Taxonomy etc.

As it happens, I do have an almost photographic ability to memorise fact, but only when it's niche subjects that I become obsessed with, that are of no practical use to man nor beast. I'm handy at pub quizzes when very specific topics come up, but I'm a dead loss for more common stuff like pop music etc because I have absolutely no interest in pop music. It's both a blessing and a curse.

Clymene I agree.

That's the issue with the high functioning label. I've just been awarded low rate care for my son who can't go to school, can't take public transport and can't do many many things that his peer can do but he is academically capable.

It can take me upwards of 2 hours to get him out of bed or to eat on a daily basis because of his co-morbid depression.

These issues are not widely understood or alternatively people attribute the issues to poor parenting.

XDown that's like my son, he's no rainman but ask him anything about American politics or whatever the current obsession is and he will know facts that stun you.

I also get seriously pissed off when people tell me he will be so clever because all people with autism are so clever and ask if he loves puzzles because autistic children love puzzles

I get asked what their "special talent" is because "they all get a special talent, don't they?" as if some divine being is up there dishing out super powers to make up for the autism. Being good with computers or maths seems to be the main stereotype. A teacher once asked me it and I was a bit too shocked to think of an appropriate response. Nowadays I tell people who ask that they can fly but we tell them not to do it in public because it frightens the normies.

@cantdothisnow1

that's like my son, he's no rainman but ask him anything about American politics or whatever the current obsession is and he will know facts that stun you

And if he's like me, he'll rabbit on indefinitely about that subject, in painstaking detail, just to make absolutely certain you grasp the nuance, becoming more and more animated and passionate as he goes. Normally I only twig that I've gone too far when people get up and leave the room in order to get away!

These things matter! It goes without saying that you have to understand it implicitly and to the degree that I do, and it's up to me to ensure you do, whether you like it or not!

I had an ex who always used to say this. Drove me up the wall

We rely on DLA to help pay for all the things that my child needs. If the DWP believes we're all a bit autistic then that could potentially take the support away from children and families that need it.

I have a friend who's kind of lost the plot a bit since her child was born. He's just started nursery at the same school my son goes to. She picked this one as she's seen how they've adapted to meet the needs of my son and thought they were amazing.

So her son started in August and she's constantly angry because they're not doing for her son what she knows they've done for mine. I've tried to explain that the things she is talking about are done because my son is autistic and has special needs. But her response is 'my son's special too'.

@FatCatThinCat dear god how have you managed to control your rage. That comment, I honestly have no words

@Gancanny brilliant response! It frustrates me how they would never generalise a group of NT girls because they’re all 7 and have long hair but as soon as they meet a child with autism they must be the exact same as the another child with autism they know!

I was told everyone is on 'the spectrum' during autism training a few years back. I thought at the time it was a bit problematic. The course leader was referring to a diagram with a spectrum containing attributes such as, 'prefers own company', 'does not feel comfortable with eye contact' and 'gets upset about certain textures and tastes'. I think they went on to say it was far more complicated than that and lots of these attributes together would suggest autism, but I know people went away from that training talking about how they were on the spectrum. I hope things have moved on since then in terms of training and I understand why you'd find the saying very annoying.

@Gancanny

I also get seriously pissed off when people tell me he will be so clever because all people with autism are so clever and ask if he loves puzzles because autistic children love puzzles

I get asked what their "special talent" is because "they all get a special talent, don't they?" as if some divine being is up there dishing out super powers to make up for the autism. Being good with computers or maths seems to be the main stereotype. A teacher once asked me it and I was a bit too shocked to think of an appropriate response. Nowadays I tell people who ask that they can fly but we tell them not to do it in public because it frightens the normies.

Lol, my autistic daughter did think she could fly when she was little as she jumped from chair to chair.

When she was eventually assessed and diagnosed, the diagnostic team (who were by then familiar with my son) said well we thought she was whenever we came round she was standing on her head!

Being of the parent of two autistic children it is hard to fathom what is neurotypical and what is not.

Apparently flying and standing on your head are sensory issues!

Oh blimey. My DC's class teacher said that to me this afternoon and yes, I pulled them up on it, politely but firmly.
It does make me worry though, that if teachers still believe that, how much inset on ASC or SEN they are actually getting.

[quote XDownwiththissortofthingX]@cantdothisnow1

that's like my son, he's no rainman but ask him anything about American politics or whatever the current obsession is and he will know facts that stun you

And if he's like me, he'll rabbit on indefinitely about that subject, in painstaking detail, just to make absolutely certain you grasp the nuance, becoming more and more animated and passionate as he goes. Normally I only twig that I've gone too far when people get up and leave the room in order to get away!

These things matter! It goes without saying that you have to understand it implicitly and to the degree that I do, and it's up to me to ensure you do, whether you like it or not![/quote]
Yup that's it!

Or alternatively we'll be having a conversation about something we think he knows nothing about and then he'll interject with something that we had no idea that he could possibly know!

The thing is, as we uncover the genetic basis for conditions such as autism it becomes apparent that we ARE all on the spectrum. Not just for autism but for all neurological conditions. There are thousands of genetic markers that contribute to autism, dyslexia, schizophrenia etc etc. We all have some of them and it’s just a question of how many that makes the difference as to whether it’s problematic for you or you stay officially on the side of ‘normal’.