"We're all on the spectrum"

[bluetinpinkteapot]

No we're not! We're really, really not.

Please people who don't have autism or don't know anything about autism, please do not say this to people who do have autism or their carers/families.

It is wrong, it is offensive, it does a huge disservice to autistic people.

If you truly think this, do some reading. Or don't if you don't care - but stop saying it!

From one exhausted mother who has just had to have this conversation yet again with I'm someone who I thought was a good friend.

I find it's the same people who say they can't see that my autistic child is autistic who also say that everyone is a bit autistic. So everyone is autistic except for the person who actually is??

People are just trying to be helpful, though, and to say the kind thing. I don't blame them for getting it 'wrong', because, obviously, their intentions are good.

It's because of this determination to understand and to not treat autism as an alien condition that the happy degree of inclusion exists.

My son is autistic and I have been largely moved and have felt very grateful for people's kindness and genuine desire to extend love.

I hate "we're all on the spectrum" and "we're all a little bit autistic". If PIL tell me once more that their friend's grandson has "full blown autism" as opposed to a "touch of autism" I will end up biting my tongue in two.

Holland can fuck right off, twee nonsense. We did a Cygnet course and Holland was read out by the instructor in hushed tones with a meaningful glance around the room at the end as if some great wisdom had just been imparted. My card was marked when I commented that no parent gets the child they were expecting because they don't tend to spring fully formed from their parents imaginations.

I've been told "God only gives special children to special families" and other variations of such. Those people can get in the sea too.

I've got no time either for anyone who thinks my DCs' autism has been caused by bad parenting, too much screen time, lack of boundaries, no routine, too much routine, processed food, vaccines, or any other half-baked theory. Ditto that it can be cured by applying or removing any of the above.

It's because of this determination to understand and to not treat autism as an alien condition that the happy degree of inclusion exists

Do you not find though that inclusion only occurs when it doesn't inconvenience neurotypical people and that as soon as they are inconvenienced, embarrassed, or disturbed then the inclusion and understanding quickly dries up?

people love to use it as if it's a cover all kinda thing and they actually believe it. what pisses me off is I've had a lot of trauma in my life, and sometimes am a bit disconnected because of it. I've noticed as I've addressed the trauma and healed this has improved. doesn't mean I'm on the spectrum FGS. For people to insinuate as such is unhelpful at best and upsetting.

YES. YES. SHOUT IT LOUDER.

The autism spectrum doesn't go from 'neurotypical people' at one end to 'severely impacted by their autism' at another.

The autism spectrum encompasses autistic people alone, so it goes from 'not very impacted by their autism to severely impacted by their autism'.

I am not neurotypical as I have ADHD, but that doesn't place me on the autism spectrum because I don't have autism.

I have traits that autistic people also have, but again, that doesn't place me on the autism spectrum because I don't have autism.

The autism spectrum encompasses autistic people alone, so it goes from 'not very impacted by their autism to severely impacted by their autism'.

And this can vary from ability to ability in each individual autistic person, for example a person wouldn't necessarily be in the middle of the spectrum and that's where they are for everything. Both my DC have what is termed a 'spiky' profile meaning they are not very impacted in some areas and are severely impacted in other areas. The spectrum is more like a wheel than a straight line.

I find it confusing, My daughter was identified as possibly being autistic as a baby then as a toddler. She has meltdowns, she is hypersensitive, she struggles socially, gets anxious and struggles to sleep. She has two male relatives that had previously been diagnosed as having Asperger's.

She also has a dyspraxia diagnosis and ADHD which are linked to autism - but she has a diagnosis of having autistic traits despite having fairly obvious symptoms of Autism. Apparently a few years ago they would have diagnosed her as being autistic but they changed the diagnosis criteria in 2013. There are three levels of severity of the specifiers and she didn't express strongly enough and didn't satisfy all the criteria. She is supported at school for her other conditions and we were told to get another referral if she struggled transitioning to secondary school.

There's a world of difference between having an "autistic trait" and being on the autistic spectrum. - I'm not so sure.

Do you not find though that inclusion only occurs when it doesn't inconvenience neurotypical people and that as soon as they are inconvenienced, embarrassed, or disturbed then the inclusion and understanding quickly dries up?

This is very true. Also inclusion is treated as a one off gesture. What's required is continued inclusion.

Thankyou for this thread. It's really interesting. We've suspected autism with our 3 year old since he was around 12 months. He doesnt display anything major but very clearly ticks a lot of boxes.

I know this isnt truly the case the currently we are shoved into the "borderline" category to see if he grows out of it.

It's infuriating

I have had this said to me twice in the past few weeks as I am going through the process of having a child assessed for ASD. Both of the people who said it were from CAMHS.

@PandemicAtTheDisco In your DD's case I'd agree.
My DD has dyspraxia and ADD with autistic traits eventually autistic being female like many others it is less obvious she gets help and support but now 12 the depression and lost identity is tough she is different from peers.
When I say traits I mean example "Oh I don't like itchy clothing or noise I must be on the spectrum"

She has meltdowns, she is hypersensitive, she struggles socially, gets anxious and struggles to sleep.

My son was diagnosed quite early, when he was still 2. He is now almost 6. He is non-verbal and still in nappies.
However... he’s never had a meltdown and sleeps solid 9 hours a night. He isn’t bound by routine.. he doesn’t “present as autistic” in a lot of ways that affect other people with autism, but he’s autistic nonetheless.

@IHaveBrilloHair

I hate this. My Dd is autistic and it bugs the living shit out of me. I had social workers and teachers say it to me ffs.

I know someone who's a teacher to children with autism who constantly declares that, "everyone is on the spectrum". 🙈

Thank you everyone, for indulging my whinge. Also thank you to the person who mentioned their child not being like a cheese, that did actually make me snort as my DD has 'mild' autism too, apparently (just actually doesn't affect other people too severely, still affects her severely though.

I realise most of the time people's intentions are good and they're trying to be kind. This wasn't that today though. This was in the context of one of my friends speaking in a group about her concerns that her child may be in the spectrum due to various behaviours, knowing that I have an autistic child, and another friend piping up 'Ah I shouldn't worry, we're all on the spectrum somewhere'. When challenged (nicely) I got 'no sorry I disagree, we are'.

Meh. Get in the bin, you are wrong and I have no time for your ignorance today.

I always answer "we are all a bit on the spectrum" with "we are all a bit pregnant" That soon sorts the wheat from the chaff.

Or alternatively I'd just respond with; "Well we are all a bit ignorant too, aren't we?"

I think living in London, attitudes are more inclusive, perhaps. I have noticed less understanding in other regions when we have visited. I don't really know why this should be the case.
There is nothing be kindness extended at our local swimming pool, the cafe proprietors are unfailingly patient and welcoming and my neighbours are saintly.
I think a lack of services bothers me more than tactless comments. I'm incensed by the suspicion that there may be a move towards making it harder to get a diagnosis in order to save money. Some families struggle so much, families I know, and get little help - especially during lockdown.

@stellarblether

I always answer "we are all a bit on the spectrum" with "we are all a bit pregnant" That soon sorts the wheat from the chaff.

I like this!

Are you having problems with wearing facemasks? I often think is something due to the autistic 'trait' or just typical teenage behaviour.

I find it very dismissive when people say 'we are all a bit on the spectrum'. I think it reveals people's ignorance and belittles how difficult it can be as a parent to deal with the symptoms. It's as if they are saying 'stop making a fuss and just get on with dealing with it'.

I know someone who's a teacher to children with autism who constantly declares that, "everyone is on the spectrum"
Yep me too.
Beating that on DD's first assessment she was 5 very pretty dainty blonde the psychologist said within the first 3mins "she doesn't look autistic" Now she's a non binary preteen who only wears black with an aversion to washing without a fight.

I usually ask the person that says it to tell me their autistic traits. Funnily enough you can never get a clear answer. 😡

Krook I did correct the woman from our local MH service when she said that to me. The whole bloody point of autism is that the traits have a profound impact on their lives. Yes, you might like your pens sorted by colour but it doesn't take over your life if they aren't.

I hate this too.
I have two (of four) now young adult, kids with autism. One is 'high functioning' but it has caused so much difficulty and distress for her even though she is 'able' The other also has learning disabilities and will never be fully independent or marry, or drive etc He's not just 'on the spectrum' he's disabled by his autism (plus his LDs and medicated OCD)

We are not all on the spectrum.. we are either neurolgically impaired or we are not!

(Worked with autistic kids for a short while, so slight insight into that world.)
I truly agree with you! It's used like an excuse for poor parenting, not wanting to be a strict parent and the likes a lot of times.
No, your kid is not on the spectrum - every toddler has a tantrum when you turn off the tv. Start being a parent.

My friends son has autism and at school he was called weird so i told him, ‘everyone is weird’ I think it’s in the sane vein to help people feel included.