Would you rather have a happy life or an important one?

[DuesToTheDirt]

By an important life, I mean important to people who don't know you - a famous writer, or a scientist, or maybe someone who founds a charity?

I was watching Sylvia (Plath) last night on Amazon, and she was obviously desperately unhappy and then committed suicide; but she left a legacy of her work.

I am happy, but I am a nobody, and I was wondering whether, if I couldn't have both, I would trade happiness for achievement.

I can't decide. What about you?

Happy and I think Sylvia Plath would have chosen that herself if she were able.

@GloGirl I'm autistic and was suicidal so you're preaching to the choir my friend! 😁 I've not really looked into it much so apologies if I'm spouting nonsense, but I wonder if there's a correlation between autism and intelligence that would maybe explain that theory. I'm pretty sure that those with anxiety on average have a higher IQ (IIRC) so maybe there's some intrinsic connection there.

Then again, there are plenty of not-so-smart "successful" / well known people and plenty of geniuses who fly under the radar.

Either would be fine. At the moment I am neither happy nor important.

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Well here's a quote from Plath that I just found:

What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle age.

And another pertinent one:

Why can't I try on different lives, like dresses, to see which one fits me and is most becoming?

What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle age

Sums me up to a tee.

Why can't I try on different lives, like dresses, to see which one fits me and is most becoming?

I mean that hits like a brick for me, personally. I am yet to figure out what lifestyle or person I want to be, in a very teen-angsty way 😁

I think what's got to be the worst combination is being capable and clever enough to be successful (and hopefully happy too!) but having things come in your way. E.g. detrimental disability, extreme poverty etc. Though of course, people can pull through these situations and be successful. Maybe that's me projecting about "potential-pressure".

I think that having an ordinary life is generally very underrated, mainly because many (most?) of us were pushed by our parents to be successful. I see a lot of parents who are very invested in the idea that their child is different/special/gifted in one or another way (or sometimes in every way!) and I often think what a heavy burden it is for children to bear, given that most of us turn out to be quite ordinary. It's healthy, I think, that so many of us would choose happiness over importance, but it does make me wonder why so many people nevertheless like the idea of importance for their children. It makes me wonder if everyone is being quite honest about choosing happiness, or if it's a choice one only feels free to make after giving up on importance. Maybe that's the point at which we're most in danger of transferring our desire for importance on to our children, though I hope not.

@GloGirl has absolutely hit the nail on the head.

I would give up all the success in the world to never feel that way again.

Just here for the Plath talk.

Happy.
And what is really important? Being a famous writer isn’t important. It’s nice but not important, and there are a thousand other, probably equally good, writers that could take your place if you didn’t make it. Same goes for most other occupations.
Even scientists, Unless you make some amazing breakthrough that no one else could have managed.
So yes just be happy and enjoy the short time you have here and try to be nice to people and not leave too much of a carbon footprint.

Definitely happy and I have made decisions in my work life etc to prioritise that over the possibility of becoming 'important'. I've seen my DF chase the dream of being 'important' and I don't want that for myself or my DC. Not that my DF is a celebrity or anything but he does have a successful, all-encompassing career and is a workaholic.

Instinctively I would say happy but isn’t that quite selfish? If I could cure cancer or stop climate change or end child poverty, surely that is more important than my own personal happiness?

@TickledOnion I guess on a practical level, no one will know you had the option to do those things and picked happiness instead (unless you've got a really nifty crystal ball!).

E.g. maybe lots of high-powered people quit their jobs or took sabbaticals which if they hadn't might have cured a societal ailment, but we don't know so can't begrudge them for it really.

I wish I could manage one or the other but can't seem to generate either!

It depends what you mean by "happy". If all it means is having a nice time and enjoying things, then I'd rather be important and miserable. If it means a deeper sort of happiness - loving and being loved, for example - then it's a harder choice. But I think that for some people, it's actually impossible to be happy (in a deep sense) without a sense of purpose, and a sense of purpose often comes from work.

I'd rather be important in some way (or be fulfilling what I saw as my purpose) and somewhat unhappy than be happy in a superficial, easy sense and totally obscure.

Thanks chicken, I think you express it well. It does come back to the fact that really the two are deeply entwined. Like Time says "happiness" is a bit meh if it doesn't mean some kind of personal satisfaction of a life well lived.

Expectations can be adjusted though and a lot of people feel they will be happy when they reach x goal and get there and find then they are still unhappy as they now should be meeting y higher goal and so on. I really think that kind of mindset can be highly damaging to people and everyone around them too.

Happy and important to me and those close to me

Why not both? I'd dispute any life was more important than another but understand you mean traditionally successful in some field. I think being relatively successful brings more happiness than mediocrity or financial hardship.

It depends on how you define important I suppose. I love the last lines of Middlemarch about Dorothea's "ordinary life"

"But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs."

Just a thought, but I don't think people who are too busy being important are likely to be spending much time on MN.

I might choose an interesting life over a happy one.

@OverTheMassiveHill
Absolutely! It's the definition of nothing better to do!

@OverTheMassiveHill There's quite a few celebrities who mention pottering about on Mumsnet sometimes though, no?