Would you rather have a happy life or an important one?

[DuesToTheDirt]

By an important life, I mean important to people who don't know you - a famous writer, or a scientist, or maybe someone who founds a charity?

I was watching Sylvia (Plath) last night on Amazon, and she was obviously desperately unhappy and then committed suicide; but she left a legacy of her work.

I am happy, but I am a nobody, and I was wondering whether, if I couldn't have both, I would trade happiness for achievement.

I can't decide. What about you?

Happy.
But doing meaningful things is good too. And can lead to greater happiness.

The ones who choose "importance" i.e. renown tend to be your grandiose delusional twats, who shoot up mosques, behead civilians in churches, become Prime Minister, etc.

I feel very similar op. Have finally realised I am definitely middle aged and that my life is probably not going to leave much of a gap when I go, I have a lovely family, some good friends and a nice place to live. In many ways I have achieved everything fundamental to happiness I have aimed for, but also I took a long while to find my feet in life after a rocky start and a lot of time was wasted trying to throw off the effects of that, so I do wonder if there was more potential I could have realised if I hadn't had rocks tied to my feet...
But then I wonder if that isn't a conceited thought as things could have been worse and I'm probably not that talented so maybe I've reached the pinnacle of all I could have been. I like my life thankfully.

I would rather be happy. The important people are not always happy, the happy really don't care if they are not important - although I'm sure some are both.

Or Victoria Beckham / Megan Markle / or whoever else in public eye , I know who I'd rather be.

They're famous, but they don't count as important!

You're all weird!

But then, I have singularly failed at happiness ...

I think this is a great question and not as easy to answer as it seems. If you could be the person who stopped climate change or be happy, which would you choose?

I have been realising that my obituary won't be "Died tragically young" "Beloved Mother" or "Writer/Inventor/Founder of" in the last few years.

Very little is usually written on gravestones, apart from "beloved wife" etc, but I recently saw one which said, "Lost in a tempest on the way to China." That person died young and didn't have fame or fortune (well, maybe fortune given the rest of the family's graves), but it did make me hanker after a more dramatic life than mine!

If you could be the person who stopped climate change or be happy, which would you choose?

I'd stop climate change, no contest.

I'd rather be happy. Importance is something other people attribute to you imo.

I've been thinking about this thread a lot. It genuinely surprises me how much importance is placed on happiness. Surely happiness is not that hard to achieve really if you pursue a life of pure hedonism, but most people would find that pretty hollow. You kind of have to open yourself up to pain to have any kind of meaningful life really and personally I'd choose human consciousness with all its highs and lows than a kind of animal state of happiness. Perhaps I've totally misunderstood the question.

Happy every time.

I have had periods of my life where I've been doing well on the outside and desperately unhappy and periods where I was objectively doing less well but much much happier.

I'd choose happiness over pretty much everything tbh. Not having it is soul destroying.

@longestlurkerever

I've been thinking about this thread a lot. It genuinely surprises me how much importance is placed on happiness. Surely happiness is not that hard to achieve really if you pursue a life of pure hedonism, but most people would find that pretty hollow. You kind of have to open yourself up to pain to have any kind of meaningful life really and personally I'd choose human consciousness with all its highs and lows than a kind of animal state of happiness. Perhaps I've totally misunderstood the question.

Think this is entirely dependent on your definition of happiness. I don't think pursuit of personal pleasure is what is being talked about here so much as if your existence has meaning, days are content without fears or serious pain, and you have a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

But that also then raises the question of "what does importance mean?" What is your life's meaning and what is your reason to get out of bed? It's not the pursuit of "happiness" - that's a side effect of your pursuing your purpose.

@SwedishEdith

I'm sure Sylvia Plath would have traded importance for happiness.

Absolutely not. She was extremely ambitious, even if, because of growing up in the US suburbs in the 50s with a mother obsessed (because of her Austrian extraction and Plath's father's German-ness in part) she was also drawn to conforming.

Her level of productivity and getting her writing (and Ted Hughes's out there and making money with it while suffering from clinical depression, teaching or other FT work, moving countries, and later having two children and dealing with Hughes' infidelity, was phenomenal. I think she would have chosen to be a major writer rather than 'insignificant' happiness.

But what touches me about her is that while she was unswervingly devoted to her writing, she also made touching efforts to create a happy life for herself and her family. Her diaries are full of redecorating, cooking, making clothes for the children, house redecoration, gardening, her pleasure in clothes etc, and her poems about the children are gorgeous.

My father in law had an 'important' life ( life peerage, obits, archived papers etc.). He placed great value by that when he was well, tipping into becoming an incorrigible boaster at times. But in his decline, he just wanted his books, his music and his boys around him. It sounds trite, those were the things that made his life worth living. He taught me so much in those final few months.

Happiness, kindness and good relations with yourself, the world and others are all that matter at the close of play.

@BoogleMcGroogle

My father in law had an 'important' life ( life peerage, obits, archived papers etc.). He placed great value by that when he was well, tipping into becoming an incorrigible boaster at times. But in his decline, he just wanted his books, his music and his boys around him. It sounds trite, those were the things that made his life worth living. He taught me so much in those final few months.

Happiness, kindness and good relations with yourself, the world and others are all that matter at the close of play.

But by the time he was old and/or unwell, he'd done the important work that gave his life its public significance -- isn't it fair to say that it's different to place greatest significance in family relationships, books and music after a lifetime of important work rather than decide aged 20 that these are the only things that give life meaning?

@longestlurkerever

But that also then raises the question of "what does importance mean?" What is your life's meaning and what is your reason to get out of bed? It's not the pursuit of "happiness" - that's a side effect of your pursuing your purpose.

Agree, so maybe it is whether you are satisfied if your life's purpose is humble and your sphere of influence small or more outwardly grand and publicly acclaimed.

I don't know about happiness v importance, but success ...

My elderly parent, in hospital for three months, had at least one visitor every single day. Some patients, over the same period, had no one, ever.

That did make me think.

(Sorry, I meant ages ago, long before covid restrictions.)

Bar mental health breakdowns, I was a lot more "successful" when I was depressed (slim, good writer, probably funnier). I'm now a slightly chunky woman with a lot less creative spirit, but by god does it feel better to be happy than "successful". Of course, I wasn't world-renowned in any meaningful sense however so maybe that changes things.

There does seem to be a correlation between poor mental health / unhappiness and success though - I think maybe because we relate to each other best in the depths of pain. Just some armchair psychology though.

I'm grateful that there are tortured geniuses who advance the knowledge for human kind. However I'm grateful I am not one of them.

I think anyone who has been at the depths of despair and close to suicide would literally give anything not to feel that pain again and ultimately would choose happiness over importance - death brings neither.

It’s nice to be important but it’s more important to be nice!

@berrygirlie

Bar mental health breakdowns, I was a lot more "successful" when I was depressed (slim, good writer, probably funnier). I'm now a slightly chunky woman with a lot less creative spirit, but by god does it feel better to be happy than "successful". Of course, I wasn't world-renowned in any meaningful sense however so maybe that changes things.

There does seem to be a correlation between poor mental health / unhappiness and success though - I think maybe because we relate to each other best in the depths of pain. Just some armchair psychology though.

I think autism probably plays a big role. The book Neuro Tribes is a fascinating inside into metaphorical game changers and possible autism.

Suicide rates also much higher in the autistic population.

I’m important to the people who make me happy, and made happy by the important people in my life.

I’m very happy with that.