I did something terrible when dd2 was a baby and I can't get over it

[bendmeoverbackwards]

She is now 17 and this came up in conversation the other night at dinner and brought the trauma back to me.

So dd1 was 3 and dd2 was about 5 or 6 months. She was a terrible sleeper and I was exhausted. I was out for the day with them at a local farm with children's attractions. I had been trying to get dd2 to sleep pushing her around in the pram for some time. She eventually fell asleep while we were waiting in the queue for a tractor ride that dd1 was keen to go on. Dd1 was nagging me about the ride and I had to make a quick decision. So I left dd2 asleep in her pram and took dd1 on the tractor. My (sleep deprived) brain thought I would be able to see the pram from the tractor. However the tractor went out of sight and for what seemed like an eternity I couldn't see dd2 in her pram

We got back after 10 mins or so, dd2 was fine and still asleep.

But all these years later I feel awful. Someone could have easily have taken her

Someone could have easily have taken her

But they didn't 🤷‍♀️

Don't beat yourself up op. It happened, she was fine, you were sleep deprived and not thinking clearly, but no damage done, try to keep telling yourself that, and remember that everyone makes silly mistakes when dealing with babies and no sleep. I did similar when dd1 was a baby, I was so exhausted and fed up, she screamed non stop when awake, so one day when she fell asleep in the car I decided to pop into a shop rather than go through the hell of trying to get her car seat on the buggy without waking her.... Anyway, that popping into the shop felt so liberating, I ended up browsing around a large home store, for what must have been half an hour or so. I really didn't see the issue at the time, in my sleep deprived new mum state, but looking back now, I feel sick and horrified about it. I'd never dream of leaving her or her sister in the car now, so have no idea what I was thinking at the time. Seriously misjudged that situation, and like you, although no damage was done, I feel a huge rush of guilt whenever I think about it, and the what ifs... I fully blame sleep deprivation though as I know in my right state of mind I would never dream of doing it.

Oh dear OP, I can definitely sympathise, but agree it's time to forgive yourself.

The worst thing I did was when DD was about 9 months old she was crying inconsolably for ages and I couldn't take it any more. I went and put her in her cot so I could walk away and take a breath, as recommend by the HVs etc. But I didn't put her down in the cot gently. I dumped her forcefully because I had lost control and was so frustrated. I still feel bad that I lost it with her.

My parents were worse (talking of hotel rooms etc.) When I was nearly 11 we all went to Florida on holiday with my Uncle and Aunt. My parents decided they wanted a night out with just the adults, so they bought my brother (aged 12) and I a McDonald's and left us in the hotel room whilst the four of them drove off several miles away to have dinner and a few drinks. They were gone the full evening and we had to out ourselves to bed. My brother and I had a great time with our giant McDonald's and American TV, but we had absolutely no idea where our parents had gone, and this was before mobile phones (mid 90's). If they'd been in an accident, or we'd had a knock at the door I'm pretty sure neither of us would've had a clue what to do. My DD is the exact same age now as I was then, not a chance would I leave her like that!!

Apparently my mum dropped me on a marble floor as a baby and I burst an eardrum. She said I screamed the place down!
As an adult I'm totally fine (and have excellent hearing :) )

When DS was 7 weeks old, I was buying myself pyjamas. I queued , paid, left. I crossed the road, went into the Wimpy opposite, ordered a quarter pounder with cheese, a Brown Derby and a coffee. Food was brought to the table and I'd taken a good few bites before it dawned on me I'd left my precious new baby under a rail of nighties in Peacocks! I told him years later and, at 27, he never let's me forget it!

When DS was 3 I was sunbathing and because he had shown fear about getting into the pool the day before, I thought he would just potter around the edge and anyway, if he fell in, I would hear him surely...

It had gone a bit quiet so I thought I would check he was OK. I couldn't see him. He was at the bottom of the pool, silently drowning.

It was a horrific experience that I hate thinking about. (He was ok, I pulled him out unharmed).

However, I do not, 19 years later allow myself to feel traumatised and distraught like you are. He is fine, I am fine, life moves on.

Let it go.

My brother left his DS1 in the car outside the house when he was a baby. Not intentionally of course, he just completely forgot he was a new dad, strolled into the house and watched some tv, got the shock of his life when he realised what he had done a while later.

Don't beat yourself up about it. You done a silly thing completely unintentionally but nothing bad happened and she's managed 17 more years so that's a win 😅

@MaMisled your thread is full of Wimpy nostalgia for me. Brown Derby! Doughnut topped with ice cream and chocolate sauce! And a Wimpy quarter pounder - I can still remember the taste of the sauce!