I did something terrible when dd2 was a baby and I can't get over it

[bendmeoverbackwards]

She is now 17 and this came up in conversation the other night at dinner and brought the trauma back to me.

So dd1 was 3 and dd2 was about 5 or 6 months. She was a terrible sleeper and I was exhausted. I was out for the day with them at a local farm with children's attractions. I had been trying to get dd2 to sleep pushing her around in the pram for some time. She eventually fell asleep while we were waiting in the queue for a tractor ride that dd1 was keen to go on. Dd1 was nagging me about the ride and I had to make a quick decision. So I left dd2 asleep in her pram and took dd1 on the tractor. My (sleep deprived) brain thought I would be able to see the pram from the tractor. However the tractor went out of sight and for what seemed like an eternity I couldn't see dd2 in her pram

We got back after 10 mins or so, dd2 was fine and still asleep.

But all these years later I feel awful. Someone could have easily have taken her

When ds1 was a newborn I left him outside a shop asleep in his buggy and went home to make a cup of tea and put my feet up. I just completely forgot I had a baby. I was just getting settled with my cuppa when it hit me. Never moved so fast in my life. Luckily he was exactly where I’d parked him and completely oblivious.

Stop beating yourself up over this. It’s such a waste of your energy.

You didn't do something terrible, OP. You made a decision as a loving mother based on the environment you were in and your own state of sleep deprivation. Your older child was happy because she got to do the tractor ride, your younger child was happy because she had a decent sleep. Nothing bad happened. Would you have made a different decision under different circumstances? Possibly. But you can't change history, so do try to stop bearing yourself up about it. The fact that you're telling the story to your happy, healthy 17 year old and she's amused by it is all you need to know.

@frewer You are a terrible Mother!

You should have trained her to grab the pick and mix!

Honestly there was probably more risk of the tractor crashing than anyone stealing a baby from a children’s farm!

Back in the 60s you would see a row of prams parked outside supermarkets. Never heard of one being stolen.

Last year 1100 children in UK were abducted, average age 13, often by ex-spouse.

My aunt left her son outside the local shop when he was in his pram and not many weeks old. She just walked home without him, completely forgot! The shop keeper liked after him until she realised and walked back for him.

It's not great, but these things happen. Nothing happened to your daughter, so you just need to laugh about it now.

You need to forgive yourself. You made a mistake, that’s all. Actively forgive yourself and then put it away. 💜

A lot of us have done things we aren't proud of and I'm sure a lot of us can trump your tractor ride.
I'm not minimising it OP just want you to stop beating yourself up over it and recognise you are human.
This was in the midst of my breakdown but still no excuse but I've had sleepless nights about the afternoon I took my DS 2 and my 6mo DD into a pub and sat alone getting drunk while I waited for dp to pick us up when he finished work because I just couldn't cope being at home alone with my two beautiful children. I was hammered and remember DS running around the bar stools. DP was so angry.
Absolutely disgraceful.

DC are pre-teen now, happy, healthy and oblivious.

I left my eldest outside a shop once and was halfway home before I remembered I had a baby... And my mum did the same thing with me. Nothing happened so these are just amusing anecdotes now.

@pictish you had a cuppa i think you win

Listen I’ve never been a mother but my bet is every single mother including our own has done something similar. In fact when I was a baby it would have been the norm. I think this worry is maybe a manifestation of some other worry. (Ooh get me!)

Oh i did something similar and feel bad too but am so thankful my child is ok. Nothing happened phew! Let it go.

You really need to keep this is perspective.

Error of judgelment (I've done worse btw).
No harm came of it.
Amusing family story for your DD to tease you with now.

Move on.
Don't allow ancient history to make you miserable now.

Please forgive yourself, it was a mistake and nothing bad happened

I remember seeing like that. On my knees some days. But putting a smile on and getting us all out of the house. I remember feeing torn... and making a similar decision to you a few years back too. It was, undoubtedly the wrong decision to have made. But.. no harm done. I never did it again. And neither did you. Learn from your mistakes. I did. Forgive yourself. And let it go.

being # like that! Not seeing

The fact that this is still bothering you shows the strength of the protective feeling you have over your daughter. I suspect that you are an excellent parent, who made a mistake.

Let go of it now. Everything is fine.

Sorry @bendmeoverbackwards but if a misunderstanding from almost two decades ago is your biggest worry, well then you’re very lucky!

It used to be common to leave prams outside of shops or in gardens. Wtf are you still stressing about? Your child survived! Honestly, just get an f#@ing grip!

It wasn't terrible, because nothing happened. Endless what-if's cannot possibly change the past and the facts - that she was fine.

If something had happened, no-one could blame you for being tormented by it. If you were thinking about doing it with another baby in future, people would tell you not to. But your case is neither of those.

Perhaps it worked out well for you, that learning the lesson then meant you were more careful and watchful throughout her childhood than you otherwise might have been? Frame it as a positive learning experience and move on.

I worked with a lady who set off on holiday with her DH and an hour down the motorway remembered the bay was in a carry cot on the sofa in the lounge!! They frantically set off home and baby was still asleep when they got back.

@KarmaNoMore did you let your mum look after your children? She sounds really responsible 🤣 not!

I think things were different 15 years ago. I remember in 2007 after Maddie disappeared people saying that they had previously left their children in hotel rooms under similar circumstances. It seemed to be more acceptable then, although of course not everybody did it. It was quite an eye opener and almost certainly prompted quite a change in attitudes and risk assessment. Nowadays people wouldn't dream of doing that, obviously. I doubt the ones that did at the time would admit it now either.

I think the perception of risk was different 15 years ago.

There is a 'before Mdeleine McCann' era, and one after . The actual risk of stranger abduction of children is tiny.

I left my dd in curry's when she was about 3 weeks old, she was in the carseat on the floor and I just forgot I'd had a baby and left the shop, only remembered once I was in the car. I don't feel bad, i wasn't neglectful, just an innocent mistake, she was asleep and quiet and I hadn't been a mum long, easily done.