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Original poster

I did something terrible when dd2 was a baby and I can't get over it

108 replies

bendmeoverbackwards · 15/11/2020 13:40

She is now 17 and this came up in conversation the other night at dinner and brought the trauma back to me.

So dd1 was 3 and dd2 was about 5 or 6 months. She was a terrible sleeper and I was exhausted. I was out for the day with them at a local farm with children's attractions. I had been trying to get dd2 to sleep pushing her around in the pram for some time. She eventually fell asleep while we were waiting in the queue for a tractor ride that dd1 was keen to go on. Dd1 was nagging me about the ride and I had to make a quick decision. So I left dd2 asleep in her pram and took dd1 on the tractor. My (sleep deprived) brain thought I would be able to see the pram from the tractor. However the tractor went out of sight and for what seemed like an eternity I couldn't see dd2 in her pram Sad

We got back after 10 mins or so, dd2 was fine and still asleep.

But all these years later I feel awful. Someone could have easily have taken her Sad

OP posts:
Grimbot · 15/11/2020 14:21

That’s not terrible. You didn’t know the tractor would go so far and that you wouldn’t be able to see her. We all misjudge things when we’re sleep deprived. The amount of stories we hear from my parents and grandparents generation about babies being left outside a shop and forgotten about, it happened to hundreds of them. My mil went to the shops with her mum and sister and neither of them noticed they’d left the baby at home until about 30 mins later. They laugh about it now.

What you did wasn’t awful. Nothing good will come of continuing to beat yourself up about it Flowers

maggiethecat · 15/11/2020 14:22

bendmeoverbackwards - I totally get it. My dd1 is 17 too and very occasionally I think about the couple of times I left her as a baby sleeping in the car to pop into the supermarket to grab something without waking her up. I would be literally minutes but I sometimes feel it was lunacy to risk her being taken from the car.

Probably an extremely low risk but my mind does wander back to it sometimes.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 15/11/2020 14:28

Op, try not to worry about it, we’ve all made mistakes like that when our brains are a bit addled with kids.

I do understand the thinking about it and thinking what could have happened. DS is 7 and when he was a tiny baby I had gone to the supermarket. Taken him in in his car seat snd when I got back people had parked too close on both sides so I couldn’t get the car seat in.
In my fuzzy brain I thought putting the car seat on the floor behind the car parked next to me until I could reverse out and get him in. I’m actually meaning the open, exposed car park end of the car parked next to me. Where someone could have run him over, or the car next to me reversed over him.

I don’t know what I was thinking. Thankfully I came to my senses as I started getting into the car and ran back and grabbed the car seat.
I do sometimes shiver at what could have happened.

We’ve all been there Flowers

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17 years old Families
LEELULUMPKIN · 15/11/2020 14:31

I'm sure I remember reading that Alan Sugar's mum left him outside a shop then got the bus home without him.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 15/11/2020 14:32

Thank you for your stories and for being so supportive.

Sometimes I read threads about parenting fails, it's just that mine seems worse that I knowingly left her!

But anyway I will try and put it behind me.

OP posts:
OhToBeASeahorse · 15/11/2020 14:33

MN has been an amazing source of support for me recently. But dont use it as a measure of what is normal - you'll go mad!!

Therarestone · 15/11/2020 14:34

People used to leave babies in prams outside the post office. She was fine. Don't feel guilty, times change. We wouldn't do that now but this was 17 years ago

slashlover · 15/11/2020 14:35

No they weren't, hence the uproar when Madeline McCann was left in a hotel room.

A baby being left in a pram in broad daylight is different to three children left in an unlocked apartment ad night so the parents can go out on the piss.

When my sister was a few weeks old, my mum completely forgot about her and left her in the pram outside a shop and went home. She had a screaming toddler (me) and a newborn, it just completely slipped her mind that she was there.

DramaAlpaca · 15/11/2020 14:36

Oh, OP Flowers

I often find that telling people about things that have been bothering me really helps. You've told us now, so it's OK to park this and let it go.

Try not to give it another thought. Nothing bad happened and you are both OK.

Original poster
bendmeoverbackwards · 15/11/2020 14:38

Dd2 actually thought it was a bit funny. She milked it a bit (being the neglected middle child Grin) but was amused by my guilt.

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 15/11/2020 14:38

@LEELULUMPKIN

I'm sure I remember reading that Alan Sugar's mum left him outside a shop then got the bus home without him.
I don’t fucking blame her.
ivykaty44 · 15/11/2020 14:44

In the 60s parents used to leave their prams outside shops and go inside to browse and shop, it was normal to do this and no-one batted an eyelid.

What changed was peer pressure that your child would be snatched

my ex b/f was left outside Woolworths and his mum walked home before she suddenly realised shed left him behind - she rushed back and found him soundly asleep

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 15/11/2020 14:44

It was 17 years ago op and your DD was fine, no harm done.

I am chuckling at the posters who say things were different 17 years ago though🤣🤣 In the 70's people had different attitudes to risk, 2003 not so much......

ivykaty44 · 15/11/2020 14:45

David Cameron and his wife left their child in the pub, you'd think their "security" would have noticed

Meowchickameowmeow · 15/11/2020 14:47

What do you mean by you can't get over it? How is affecting you in daily life?
I think one tiny thing in an otherwise fine 17 years on the planet is hardly worth a second thought.

HuggedTheRedwoods · 15/11/2020 14:47

Instead of replaying it and imagining the worst, when you think about it replay what actually happened that day - she was parked up safely, she stayed safe during those few minutes you lost sight of the pram and she was still safe and sound asleep when you returned.

If your mind wanders back to it, just picture what actually happened, not the 'what ifs', there's no point punishing yourself all these years later. Flowers

LEELULUMPKIN · 15/11/2020 14:57

@LunaNorth Too funny!

hiredandsqueak · 15/11/2020 15:03

Oh you need to forgive yourself you were sleep deprived and had no idea you wouldn't be able to see the pram. If it makes you feel any better I left ds 1 (three weeks) in his pram outside the local shop, went home, had a cup of tea before realising I had forgotten him. He slept like a dream so can't even blame that but I was very forgetful. Ds was fine as well and still asleep

Bluetrews25 · 15/11/2020 15:05

OP, you've carried around the guilt for 17 years. You have emotionally tortured yourself for 17 years. People get less than that time in prison for rape or murder. You have served your sentence!
The MN jury say you can let it go now.
Just relegate it to 'amusing anecdote' category. If it helps, remind her that she put you in that zombie state due to her making you sleep deprived.

Happyheartlovelife · 15/11/2020 15:05

My mum used to leave me in my pram outside a shop! Granted. We had a dog. But still. My mum has one of those old beautiful vintage carriage prams. It was too big to take into the shops. So she would leave me outside with our dog. Not for long. But for 10 mins or so.

I don’t remember it and no harm came.

Mrsjayy · 15/11/2020 15:08

Oh you have to let it go honestly find a way . I once left dd outside a shop and walked half way home Shock she is a lot older than your dd and we left prams outside but we usually remembered them ! Dd knows I told her and she jokes about it occasionally !

formerbabe · 15/11/2020 15:08

Oh is that it? From your title I was imagining something horrific. It's not great but you weren't to know you wouldn't see the pram and you were probably sleep deprived. Women used to leave babies in prams outside shops years ago. Forget it.

RedPandaFluff · 15/11/2020 15:18

But you didn't "knowingly" leave her, @bendmeoverbackwards - you thought you would be able to see her. And you were sleep-deprived so your judgement was impaired. Honestly I want to give you a big hug because you shouldn't be beating yourself up about this! Make a conscious decision to forgive yourself and let it go Thanks

frewer · 15/11/2020 15:21

LunaNorth I'm in stitches here.

Times were changing in the 70's and I remember taking my pram into Woolworths because the aisles were fairly wide. Not sure how much attention I was paying to the baby though, I was halfway home before I noticed her playing with half the contents of the make up counter.

noirchatsdeux · 15/11/2020 15:22

My late MIL used to tell us about the time, about a week after exH was born (1969), she left him outside the supermarket in his pram, did her shopping, came out and went home. Totally forgot about him. Luckily her father found him not long after, took him back to MIL and totally ripped her a new one.

She didn't torture herself over the mistake, was just amazed she was able to totally forget having a baby in the first place! ExH held no anger towards her either, he thought it was quite amusing.